He was at the docks. He couldn’t remember how he got there. Hell he couldn’t remember anything about the last hour or so. But he was here.

It had started to rain sometime in the last twenty minutes or so and the rain was slowly beginning to fall harder and faster.

He supposed he would be cold if he was capable of feeling anything at the moment.

If he hadn’t lost all capability for either thinking or feeling the second he had heard those words.

How do I tell the child I love more than anything that his father isn’t the father he adores but the man who raped me?”

He took a deep breath, and then another, and then another. God. He couldn’t breathe. The words just kept echoing in his head over and over until he had to bite back the impulse to scream.

The man who raped me?

Oh Jesus. His father wasn’t his father. His father wasn’t his father. His father wasn’t his father.

His father was some monster named Luke Spencer who had raped his mother.

And as that thought hit home again, Nick Baldwin found himself vomiting over the side of the pier.

Baldwin House

Tanner Baldwin’s blue eyes were dark with concern as Emily pulled her car into the driveway. The concern in his eyes grew even brighter as he spotted Nick’s Mustang in its regular spot in front of the house.

With Emily at his side, Tanner headed into the house.

Something was wrong. He didn’t know how he knew it, but he knew it. Beyond any doubt he knew it.

He stopped at the doorstep and turned to Emily. “Maybe you should wait here.”

Emily shook her head and held his hand tighter. “No way Baldwin. If something’s wrong, I want to be there for you.”

“I could be overreacting. Nick might have gotten sidetracked when he came back for the squirt’s hair thingy.”

“Scrunchy, Tan” Emily smiled. How could a guy who could recite verbatim most of the Sonnets of the Portuguese not know what a scrunchy was? “And you know as well as I do that Nick would not just disappear on McKenzie like that. If he told you he would be right back and he’s not, then something’s wrong.” She leaned into kiss him softly on the cheek. “And I intend to be there for you.”

She didn’t tell him that the same instincts that were screaming at him was also screaming at her.

Their eyes meet and hold as Tanner nods, opening the door and leading her into the hallway.

“Yeah Mac. If you and Anna could just scout around and see if you see him, I’d really appreciate it. No. I just..” Tanner hears his father’s voice catch. “I just want to know that he’s okay. He doesn’t have to come home or anything, I just want to know that he’s safe. Yeah. I know. Thanks Mac.” Scott hangs up the phone softly and finds himself staring into his son’s blue eyes. Laura’s eyes.

“Tanner.” Scott begins hesitantly as Tanner stops him.

“I knew something was wrong. When Nick didn’t come back to the park, I knew something was wrong.” Tanner takes a deep breath. “Is Nick okay?”

“I... “ Scott hesitates.

“No. No Tanner he isn’t,” Laura says softly as she comes in from the kitchen, a shattered and heavy look on her face. “And he won’t be for a while.”

“Mom?” Tanner’s voice reflects his confusion and his growing awareness that his world is about to change forever. He finds himself gripping Emily’s hand tighter, as if she has suddenly become the only solid thing in a fluid world.

Laura walks up to her youngest son. “I love you Tanner. Your father loves. We are family. No matter what happens, nothing is going to change that. Nothing. I need you to remember that.”

The words fiercely spoken only serve to scare Tanner more and he unconsciously takes a step back.

“Mom? Dad?”

Laura turns to Emily. “Emily do you mind if we talk to our son alone?”

Before Emily can respond, Tanner shakes his head. “I need her to stay.”

But Emily sees something in Laura’s eyes and shakes her head softly. She turns Tanner so he is facing her. “Your mom is right. You guys need to talk as a family in private.”

“I need you,” Tanner says the words shakily. Emily reaches up and kisses him softly.

“I know. And I swear to you that I will be here for you when you’re done. I promise. I’m just going to go run a few errands in town but I’ll be on my cell phone, okay? You call me the minute you’re done and I’ll be here for whatever you need.”

“Em...”

“No Tanner.” She searches for the right words to dispel that look of fear on his face. “It will be okay. Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you.” She pauses. “Talk to your parents Tanner. Listen to what they have to say. Then come talk to me and I’ll be there to listen to you.”

He looks into her eyes for a moment.

“Promise?”

“Always.”

He nods and she kisses him gently on the cheek, makes her good-byes to Laura and Scott, and then turns and leaves.

After watching her go, Tanner turns to his parents. “Now do you want to tell me what is going on?”

Scott looks at Laura who nods. reaching for his hand as if to give him strength.

“It’s a long story.” Scott says shakily. “But you need to hear it. All of it.” Silently Scott leads them into the living room, where the three of them sit down on the couch. Tanner sits next to his father and after a moment of contemplation, Laura moves to sit on the other side of her husband, letting his arm gently caress her back.

“It started back when I was in law school and your mother and I had just gotten married. Money was tight and in order to help out your mother took a job at the campus disco where she met a man named Luke Spencer......”

Thirty minutes later Tanner stared at his parents in disbelief, shock, and anger. “How could you not tell us? How could you not tell him?”

“How could we tell him?” Laura looked up at her youngest son, praying that he would understand. Praying that she would find the words to make him understand. “How could we tell Nick the truth? How could we hurt him like that? Would you have wanted to know the truth? Could you have handled it?” Laura shakes her head. “I did what I did to protect my son. What Luke Spencer did to me has nothing, nothing, to do with my son. I never wanted to hurt Nick and I’m not sorry I kept the truth from him all these years. Or from you and your sister.” Her voice softened. “You and your brother and your sister are so important to me. To make you happy, I would move heaven and earth itself. I lied. We lied. Hate me if you want to. But if that lie served to protect you and your sister and especially your brother from a nightmare that I and your father have had to live with for years...... Then I’m not sorry.”

She looks up into her son’s eyes so like her own that staring into them is painful. “Luke Spencer put me through hell. “ She closes her eyes as memories and images of that night come flooding back. “But somehow out of that hell came a little miracle. When I realized I was pregnant all I could think of was how much I hated Luke for what he did to me. The thought of having his child tore at me like nothing ever had before. I thought I would lose my mind with the pain and the emptiness. The idea of having a child of that night, a reminder forever of that night....”

Laura shook her head and reached for Scott’s hand, holding it tight. “If it wasn’t for your father. Scott was there for me every minute you know. Every time I woke up screaming it was in his arms. Every time I had a flashback, he was the one who brought me back. I wasn’t going to tell him I was pregnant. I was just going to have it taken care of you know. I had an appointment the next day at a clinic. That night your father came to me and told me that he knew I was pregnant. And he knew I was scared. Scared that my hatred for Luke Spencer would make it impossible for me to love my own child. He told me I was wrong. He told me that I would love this child for the same reason that he would love this child, because it was a part of me. But he also said that it was my choice and he would support me no matter what.”

“That was all he said. But that night I dreamed of the baby and for the first time it wasn’t just Luke’s child I was dreaming about, it was my child and Scott’s child also. The next morning I canceled my appointment.” She pauses and says her next words slowly and deliberately. “Luke is the biological father of my child but in every way that counts, every way that matters, Scott Baldwin is the father of all of my children and none of them could have asked for a better one.”

Tanner hesitates, his mind a whirling conflict of emotions he can’t grab on to no matter how desperately he tries. Anger. Confusion. Hate. Betrayal. Love. They are all there inside him and he doesn’t know which to express. Which to deny.

He settles instead for an undeniable truth. “I love my brother.”

“I know.”

And another undeniable truth. “And I love you two.”

Before he can finish that sentence, Tanner moves forward and locks his arms around his mother and begins to cry.

Twenty minutes later, Tanner walks out the front door, intent on somehow getting some fresh air and pulling himself together, before he calls Emily. He doesn’t want her to see him falling apart like this.

He stops when he sees her sitting on the front step.

“I thought you had errands.” His voice cracks despite his best efforts and he lowers his head.

Her brown eyes never leaving his face, Emily moves over so that he can sit next to her on the step. He does so reluctantly and she shivers. Whatever went on in there, she knows he’s hurting badly. There have been only one or two times in their entire relationship where Tanner has withdrawn from her like this. She hates it. Hates the fact that he feels the need to protect her. He knew what she put with at the mansion, didn’t that prove to anyone who doubted it that she was tougher than they thought?

She can feel the tension in him and she reaches for his hand. “I didn’t want to leave you. I needed to be here for you.”

She can feel him relax a little and he slides closer as she leans into him.

After a moment he gives up the struggle to be strong and pulls her closer against him, shuddering as he reaches for her warmth.

He can feel the tears running like hot liquid down his face and he feels the gentle brush of her fingers as she wipes them away and kisses his eyelids. “It’s going to be okay.”

He shakes his head. “Not this time. Things aren’t going to be okay for a long time.”

She stares into the blue of his eyes and nods. “Then we’ll get through it together.”

He nods. “Just let me hold you for a minute.”

She attempts a grin. “For a minute? I was kind of hoping you would hold me forever.”

To his surprise he can feel himself smile. “That too.” He kisses her forehead gently. “I love you Emily Bowen Quartermaine.”

“I love you too,” she replies as she leans her head against his chest and contents himself with listening to the steadying beat of his heart. “I love you too.”

Neither of them pay any attention to their surroundings, to the rain that has just started to fall again, to the neighbors walking their dog, or even to the young teenage girl making her way up the street.

Lizzie Webber stares through narrowed eyes at the young couple in front of her. What did someone like Tanner see in the simpering Miss. Quartermaine? Lizzie had spent most of her life in Colorado living under her sister’s shadow. The opportunity to come live in Port Charles while her father was in Asia had been a godsend. Sarah had opted to spend the year at boarding school in Europe leaving Lizzie free to make her own life here in Port Charles.

Here in Port Charles she wasn’t Sarah’s little sister, she was Lizzie Webber. Lizzie who had friends. Lizzie who wore what she wanted to and said what she wanted to. Wild Lizzie.

Her eyes gleamed as she smiled at the couple. Lizzie who knew what she wanted and was determined to get it. No matter what.