i don't mean this,
so stop treating me like you love me.
i can't breathe in, there's something you can't see.
cut my hand on the splintered glass
while you sobered up, not knowing what i'm putting you through.
why did you let me down this way,
why did you let me have my way,
i don't even know which clothes belong to you.
you don't need this.
what are you trying to prove?
can't you see that i'll never be ready?
you have to leave me for me to fall in love with you.

kind of new look here. not really, but as i'm learning the website changes. someone teach me how to split pages.

i start classes tomorrow, along with having to work tonight until about 8pm, i start tomorrow at 6am. fun stuff. got lost last night driving back from boston. country ass road about 40 miles out of the way. i have an extremely talented knack for getting on the right road going the wrong way.

holy shit, my photo is on here now. it's on the about page. no more anonymity....

nothing will get your heart racing more than seeing a street fight. especially when it's a zz top old dude versus a hip hop white kid. fun stuff.

i've felt so frustrated with my daily routine, that when i want to form something to write, it just wants to come out as "fuck! fuck you! fuck this! ...yea" i am not meeting who i want to meet, and again i'm going out way too much thinking something else is going to be going on. everybody is bothering me. everytime someone i've met here starts talking to me i just want to walk away. you aren't my old friends, so don't even try. this doesn't mean i don't want to meet new people, i love meeting new people, but i feel like almost all the people i do know here have absolutely nothing in common with me.... with the exception of being willing to binge drink every now and then.

new review coming soon, i haven't checked my mail recently, but i bet that cd's been in my box since last thursday. i'm getting my other sleeve and a backpiece drawn up right now. can you say body suit? before summer? jesus. sleeve=day of the dead, beeing done by this girl... and backpiece=some crazy traditional thing with battleship guns/ed hardyish demented twist thing being done by that guy. today is coaching day. and also hopefully going to sleep at a reasonable time to wake up at 6am day.

fuck stress. i'm fucking around with all my paperwork for college and the people i have to run my TA through are all fucked up. i've been running around in circles for a week. hopefully, i'm done now.

eventfull weekend, i guess. i got to check out the portsmouth jail. (to bail a buddy out, i didn't get arrested) coached yesterday, and hung out at the shop. went out sunday night, and as the bar was closing, some dude that was walking out passed out and slammed his head against the jukebox. out cold. apparantly, he wasn't with anyone. so, the people i'm with and i tell the bartender to call the ambulance or the police to come pick up this guy, and this starts a whole nother debate in the bar. drunk jock assholes are saying to not call the police, because the bar will get in trouble.... so instead they want to drag this kid outside and just let the police pick em up on their own. ahem.... first off it's fifteen fucking degrees outside. not to mention that we didn't know if he just straight passed out, or fell down and got knocked out by hitting his head. the bartender did end up calling an ambulance, and i left before they showed up. tell you what, if i'm ever knocked out on the floor in the middle of a bar and i'm by myself.... call the fucking ambulance. i'll do my best not to get a bar in trouble.

hot hot heat review is up. stickers are mailed. i think i have insomnia.

if you couldn't tell from my previous entry, i've been really busy this week. i'm trying to jump start my new year and be productive. really productive. trying to build the "ain't fuckin around round here" attitude. monday i started coaching for the rhode island special olympics... which was my first volunteer anything. it was fun, but it is definately emotionally and physically draining. i really hope the parents of some of these kids get a vacation every now and then.

the tattoo shop job went real well. it's not a bad job when i can just sit around in a tattoo shop and bullshit with people. i also went to new hampshire this week to check out a new skatepark (where i skated like shit), and went out with michelle last night for dinner. so it's been hectic. it's definately nap time after work.

there are no good shows coming. the only stuff i can find are shitty ass death metal bands and... no joke... bone thugz n' harmony. you've got to be kidding me. people go to these audio vomit shows?

the hot hot heat review is done. that will be up here as soon as i get home. the stickers are in also, and they kick ass. they will get to the people i owe them too as soon as i can steal a decent sized envelope from work.

busy bee today. i went to the library to return books and pick up new ones, got my bills in order, and made alfredo pasta with chicken. also, the scary thing, i'm enrolled back in college. i start january 30th. i finally picked a major. i'm gunning after the ever popular IT degree, seeing how i'm halfway there already. providing i don't fail any classes, i should have my BS in 20 months. (that's saying year round classes, taking one class a term)

this is scary. i'm taking on a lot of shit right now, but really, it's about damn time. i got my real job, the review job, and a tattoo shop job, and now i'm back in school. but i am only doing one class at a time, so fuck it.

i feel like i need to do this, because worse case, i get out of the military, and i'll have 9 years military experience with electronics, and an IT degree. that should keep me off of welfare, right? i really can't see me in a corporate environment though.....ever. but what the fuck do i know? i'm 24 and i'm trying to figure out the rest of my life... which is impossible. so, as NKOTB says, step by step....ooooh baby!

congrats to crystal, don, and mike. stickers will get there as soon as i get them in the mail. (i get them in about a week) anybody else that wants one, email me here and i'll see what i can do. i'm lagging on the Hot Hot Heat review, but that should be coming soon.... the shitty thing about reviewing cd's is that i always get the "promo" copies, so usually there's no art or lyrics included. don't you think that's part of the whole package?

somebody buy me the HIM cd. I'll be your best friend. oh, and if you don't start signing the fucking guestbook, it's going away. it's on probation right now.

i ordered stickers for the website today. high quality skulls and crossbones. first few people to email me their adress here will get a free one.

i am now THRILLOFITALL.NET. i think everything is pretty much updated now. there's a couple of new reviews, and the links page is updated. yea for me.

i'm absolutely beat. i got home from work last night at around midnight, had a glass of orange juice, and went to bed. 2 hours later i'm up with stomach pains. i was up practically all night, and as it turns out the orange juice from before my vacation had gone bad. i feel better now, but my sleep pattern just got fucked.

so i'm back from vacation. i had no pc to use in detroit.... so i know how much this site is lagging. there will be two more reviews up soon, plus a new layout in the photography section.

i had a good time in detroit, basically binge drank and opened up presents. good to see my old friends. my most exciting experience was driving through new york and getting caught in the middle of a blizzard. a foot and a half of snow fell on the road in like two hours, and i had to pull over. i stayed in the rattiest of hotels over night, no cable, no food, no nothin. only to drive in more snow the next day. fun stuff.

met a girl also new to the area at Cappy's a couple of days ago, and i think we're going to be going to a hockey game soon.

well, i got to handle these updates, hope you had a good holiday.

oh, i forgot, i got a job managing at anchor steam tattoo studio here on the weekends. so not only do i get free cd's in the mail... i'm getting free tattoos. who's the balla?