when i went skating yesterday, there was a kid there just killing it. throwing down hammers, and a lot of them. if he's not pro, he will be and should be. how can something so hard and so scary come so easily to some people? that makes me think that everyone is probably ment to do one thing perfectly, but most people haven't figured what their thing is. i was so jealous of this kid..... not so much because he skated good, but because he has found his thing, at a young age, and i'm not finding shit. my head is so spread out about i can do this, or i should do this, go to college again.... that'll fix it, that nothing ever forms solid. it's frustrating. it's like trying to drink from a fire hydrant.

holy shit it's snowing. most people around here are complaining, but for someone like me who hasn't lived in a town where it snowed since '96...... it's pretty exciting. i want to go run around and take pictures.

well, tomorrow's thanksgiving, and i'm debating on going to a friend's house or not. for the record, i think thanksgiving is kind of a bullshit holiday, but i still don't want to intrude on someone else's "family day". decisions, decisions.

i'm going skateboarding.

there's a guestbook on here now. i don't know how long it's going to last, but i'll try it out for a little while and see how i like it.

i had to drive way the fuck out to tewksbury, ma (about 2 hours one way) last night to take someone to go pick up his car. well 5 minutes after he got his car back from the shop that was working on it it broke down again. so i drove out there for nothin. this is how my week is going.

i finally bought the new Queens of the Stoneage CD. good stuff.

my first review for sandiegopunk.com got posted today. it's making me smile. look at it here. more to come in a little bit, i'm trying to eat my ramen.

two new cd reviews up now. yesterday, as i was fucking around with this site, my server decided to fuck up and change the size of all my fonts. so i painstakingly go through everything and change the sizes, only to have the site fuck it up and change everything back to how it was. so now all my fonts are too big. so now i had go beck and change everything back to the way it was in the first place. grrr. all the bugs should be out now.

i finally updated my settings to 1024x768. this will probably make some people mad and some people happy. also, there's a new link page, so click back, hit the cat, and show some love.

i need a book suggestion. i don't have anything to read.

i've been getting no sleep lately. i've got the delayed reaction thing going on today.

i'm still mad at myself for pretty much binge drinking this last weekend. not sloppy bad, but a constant half drunk half hungover feeling. on saturday, when i started to get drunk, this wobbly college fat kid with drool on his lip comes up to me out of nowhere and tries to pester me to do a shot with him. that's when i realize there are so many better things i could be doing that night than wasting 40 bucks with drunk assholes. such as learning how to not change tenses while writing in the same paragraph...

no, i'm not one of those moody guys at the bar that thinks everyone there is retarded. i just got caught up in a scene that i have no buisness being in. where preppy girls primp for hours before going in, reaking of hairspray and fruity drinks, while the guys in all of their white hat frat guy glory chug bud light until they get enough courage up to practically date rape the girl that let her guard down while he was still being a nice guy.

yea, i'm cranky when i'm tired.

i finished reading "Lullaby" by Chuck Palahniuk last night. he's also the author of "Fight Club" and "Choke", two other books i love..... AND he's from Oregon. so i'm on his jock, and you should check him out. and this time i promise that the new reviews will be up soon. i'm still getting a couple together for sandiegopunk.com and when i'm done they'll all go up on here.

tyler is getting fat. like real fat. he lies down when he eats. he gets a new diet starting today.

i'm sick. that's not an excuse for not updating in awhile.... it just sucks. i got a cold that is making me very dreary and achey.

i got a new job writing for sandiegopunk doing cd reviews. free music for me! my first stuff should be up around the beginning of next month. speaking of cd reviews, new one's should be up on here before the end of tonight... or at least by tomorrow.

saw Thursday with Onelinedrawing and Planes Mistaken for Stars this week at Lupo's. If you don't already own a Thursday cd... buy it now. and buy a shirt at their show, because they still hang around at their merch table and are really nice guys and fun to talk to.

have you seen the computer game ad for some war type game that uses Jefferson Airplane as the background music? that fucking sucks. for some reason, i don't think the people that wrote "Someone to Love" would approve of their music being played over some digital soldier running around shooting people/monsters with warlike explosions going on in the background. don't get me wrong..... i don't have anything wrong with violent video games, i actually have more of a problem with hippies.... but do you have to rape a band that stood for nothing besides peace and love in a cheesy ad for espn? sickening.

this is a very weird world i live in. i'm currently going through some kind of strange soul searching, for lack of a better phrase. this is making me check the status of several things in my life. emotion, physical, and financial thoughts are all coming together in my head at the same time and nothing clear is coming out.

i feel stagnent. do you know what it feels like to be really good at a lot of things, but not great at any one thing. how can i channel me into something for my future? i don't know the answer to that, so i'll just say "fuckit... something for me will come up". and it hasn't gotten solved yet.... so i buy my new leather couches and my newish european car that i don't really need and it makes me feel like i can't be doing that bad.

well, sure, i'm not doing that bad. i know that. but i'm not living up to my potential, and i don't know how to turn the kinetic energy on.

there is now photos up from emily in the photography section. this section is taking me the longest because: A) it's boring to build. and B) i'm lagging ass on converting my pictures to digital. if someone wants to send me a digital camera, i promise to update it more often.

go to the photography page.

i'm actually going to bed early tonight. early for me, at least. i have to go to work a little ahead of schedule.

i smacked the shit out of my elbow the other day playing basketball. yea, i don't know why i was playing basketball either, because that is the one sport where everyone thinks they're michael jordan and they like to talk a lot of shit. i don't mind shit talking... but i can't take a pick up game with shitty players seriously. it's like taking bowling seriously, or neil diamond seriously. so i fell when i was playing and now my left elbow is purple and scabby...... still. it's been a pain in my ass. besides that i've been pissing off my neighbors with the new surround sound system i got. drunken slayer sessions late on a weeknight! i'm usually a real good neighbor, but every now and then you got to show 'em who's in charge. 'night.

there would be so much more to say if i updated this every time i wanted to. i'm feeling stuck in a routine that i didn't sign up for.

i called emily when i was drunk late at night this last weekend. i missed having her easily accessible.