ok, this needs to stop. let me start here, i've got tattoos. i don't know what you consider a lot of tattoos, but my arm is fully sleeved, and i have a leg that's pretty much covered also. you make the call. but because my arm is tattoo'd, doesn't mean strangers can grab my arm and say "wow! look at that tattoo!". i'm not trying to be a dick, and i know that if you don't want any attention, covering yourself with ink isn't the brightest of ideas. but still, there are boundries involved here. i don't go up to someone, especially a stranger, grab his mustache and ponder at the thickness of it. point is - if you got a question... ask. or stare, whatever. just don't expect a lot if you just walk up and grab.

i can't believe i just watched "celebrity bootcamp" on fox.

i bought a book about two weeks ago that i was anticipating to come out for about a month before it did. i still haven't opened it. this kind of thing happens to me a lot.

today i got up earlier than i wanted to so i could get some things done that i've been putting off. i've been in my place a month and i still have paintings on the floor with nothing to hang them up with. plus i needed to get an oil change. (i got my car back) well, i forced myself out of the house to find out that there are no openings for an oil change today (i have to take my car to the dealership for this kind of shit otherwise my warranty is voided..), and also the hardware stores were not opened yet, so i couldn't get any nails to hang up my pictures. the one time i get enough energy to sort my shit out, i can't get anything done. so i went home defeated with a dunkin donuts coffee and breakfast sandwich.

last night i worked as a bartender for some function at fort adams. got 90 bucks for 4 hours of pouring beer and wine, and also managed to snag 6 bottles of red wine and a case of killian's.

as far as the site goes, i'm trying to learn html frames, that's why the "written" section is taking so long. also i'm waiting on some art and article contributions to the site from a couple other people. this is mostly my personal website, but i also want to include other people's ideas, art, and writing's on here to get the readers involved. send comments, suggestions, and contributions here

i love it when it's raining when i go to bed. goodnight.

so i went to new york yesterday for my birthday to hang out with my dad, his wife, and my grandma. it was my grandma's birthday, also. i'm not trying to sound mean, but my grandma's kinda lost it. she's senile, and no one that went there has seen her for about 10 years. (my family is really distant.) well there was all this drama that it pretty much just cancelled out my birthday. my dad didn't even say happy birthday to me until after dinner. allison was the only person that even called me to wish me a happy birthday. my mom didn't call until this morning, my sister sent me an email card, and a couple of other people that i was expecting to call didn't. this was seriously depressing, especially since i'm in this new state and don't know anyone practically. (although i did get taken out on the 24th for beers and i got brownies and a card.) ..... i just didn't have the "special" day i guess i wanted. oh well, fuck it.

so i had to race back down here this morning so i could work the last half of the day, and even that didn't go too well. i know it sounds like i'm whining now.... but this is where i vent. i guess i want to air out all my shit to the world, but don't think i'm about to slit my wrists or anything. i'm generally a happy person, this is just taking longer than i thought to settle in here, and my family did't really come through for me yesterday. but like i said, we're distant.

went out for lunch in the bay on a boat today. nice. i'm gearing up for my road trip to new york tomorrow. also, i think i'm getting taken out for beers tonight for my birthday. what am i listening to? BRMC. good day so far.

new layout up now. also a new review. spent the rest of the night doing laundry and dishes. i'm trying to get ready for me going to new york on wednesday for my grandmother's birthday. it's also my birthday. so half of my family is flying out to new york for a little joint family birthday party. it sounds like we're really close...but i haven't seen my grandma i don't think since i was about 10. and my dad and i just started getting along.... kinda. it's a long story. goodnight.

well i had a get together at my place this weekend. that was alright. basically people eating up all of my food and drinking all my beer whom i don't really know. hopefully there will be some new contributions to this site. one of my favorite people should be putting up her art on here soon... so we can all revel in that. plus i really need to work on this review section. it's harder than it looks.

i'm still debating on how personal i wan't to get on this site... because i don't want to embarass anyone... or better yet i don't want to embarass myself. i guess if you know me take this with a grain of salt. and if you got a problem, just let me know. i'll try to be braver later.

oh i'm out of the escort and into a trailblazer for now. SUV hell in a small town. my car really needs to get fixed.

well, i've been busy. i got a rental car now and my car's getting fixed. it's a shitty ass escort. i'm supposed to get a different car tomorrow. today i met the old captain of my ship while he was visiting my base. that was pretty cool. going to bed now. goodnight.

somebody hit my fucking car today. i'm stopped after taking a left turn... and the motherfucker in front of me just decides he wants to back up down the street. slammed right into me, doing a shitload of damage to my new car. i bought this thing like 4 months ago, and i'm already dealing with this shit.

anyways...this is my first attempt at making a decent web site. i apologize to anyone who might be reading this for the pop-up ads, and the sure to be coming typo's. hopefully this will turn into the nice bullshit/music/whatever website i want it to be. let me figure out what i'm doing and i'll get start paying for service and get rid of the ads. any help is welcome.

Well, I’ve been moving into my place this week. New home, new city, new state, new coast. It’s been a semi-fun, semi chaotic experience. I wanted to move somewhere to be free of what I’d been through before, and I’ve accomplished that. A place where I could find myself, so to speak. Lately I’ve felt pretty lonely. I didn’t really think how hard it would be to meet people. I haven’t had to do something like this since I was a kid, and then you get thrust in front of your peers at school, and you have a semi large group to talk to. This is a pretty small town, and I haven’t really met anyone I like yet. Or at least not for long enough to where we like each other.

Been thinking about getting a roommate. More so for company than for anything else. I have a small suspicion that once I do start meeting people that I will have wished I had this place to myself. It is nice to be able to do whatever I want here, with a sense of ownership. I’m taking a shit with the bathroom door open! It would be nice if I was just fully moved in and everything was settled.

I like my new job, somewhat. It’s a lot less bullshit than being on a ship. Not as political, more straight forward. I am noticing that I kind of miss my old shop, but that’s weird because I remember despising it a lot. So many attitudes and silly work assignments and pressures really can get you down. It’s ridiculous how much a group of people can get on each others nerves. I think I felt like there was no escape while I was there so I really just wanted a clean start that had nothing to do with this. With this new job I feel a serious sense of repetition and down time. Which hopefully will lead me to fun new hobbies which are ready for me to love, excel, and profit from.

The problem with being new for me is that I fell like I’m the only one in town that isn’t out having fun. I’ve been excluding from all of the fun interesting things going on around me. So I can either sit at a bar and maybe have some completely meaningless conversation that lasts no more than 2 hours of friendship. Or I can go skate, where I am starting to feel more like an outcast there, but it’s a lot more fun. Or I can sit at home. Maybe things will be better when my internet comes on.

Ah, yes. Nothing like sitting around on yahoo looking at all the girls that are in my area just DYING to have an internet chat with me. This is getting too cynical. I’m just ready to start my life here. Jumpstart. Meet real friends. Do real things.

My self esteem isn’t helping me. When I felt better about myself I had such an easier time with my life/emotions. When you feel ugly and stupid… not a lot of things go your way.