The beautiful thing is that although people close to us may desert us, and sometimes our own foolish behaviour causes people we love to reject us, we are never God’s second best – God’s love towards us never falters! (Psalm 121:2-3) My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber.

In His plans He has a special place for those of us who are fatherless or lone mothers. He has allowed our background to form us. We have been specially chosen to show the grace and love of the Lord. ‘Those whom the world thinks common and contemptible are the ones God has chosen – those who are nothing at all to show up those who are everything.’ (1 Corinthians 1:28).

The Lord has a heart of true compassion and understanding of the hardships of the fatherless, lone mums, and refugees (Jesus himself was a refugee! Matthew 2:13). In the Bible there was special allowances for the widows and orphans, and it was everyone’s duty to see that they were protected. (Deuteronomy 14:28 –29, 24:17). His caring heart for the struggles of each lone mum, of each child deprived of a father (or mother) hasn’t changed just because we live in a modern society!

Being a good parent is pretty tough, being alone as a parent is even harder. People around underestimate what mum faces trying to be both parents, usually with little emotional support. Grief, and frustration are made worse because the person we are so used to telling about things, is the very one that has caused the hurt by being taken away.

His compassion reaches to the children especially in these times, He makes up to them for the times when there is no-one there for them. (Psalm 103:13-14) ‘As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.’

Life can often become a case of just coping with the practical, not having time for the emotional healing so badly needed. Focusing on practical survival may be ok for a while, but there often comes overwhelming depression, uncontrollable anger, or some other internal reaction. Take heart though, if this happens or has happened to us, it doesn’t mean that God has given up on us, or that we are wicked or mad or anything like that!

The Lord knows how frail we are, even if there are high expectations from everyone else, He truly has a deep understanding. He never wavers in His love and care because we bomb out! His smile is still on us even in those darkest times.

That sense of guilt – Yes we all know it! - The ‘If only I had (or hadn’t) done or thought or said before I lost them.’ Sometimes, it is even true that it was our fault. But Jesus forgives all that and takes all our shame. ‘He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation.’ (Colossians 1:22).

Free from accusation, means exactly what it says! Even if the children suffer and are taken from us, even if we caused all the destruction by our own actions – Because of the death of Christ we are simple not to blame anymore, it is now Christ’s fault! All we are left with is sharing in His holiness and being cleansed from all blemish - held and cherished in His arms of love.

One of the worst things is when mum has no parents to lean on. For the orphan mum, loss of affection comes together with a desperate practical need and brings a real vulnerability. As a need for affection feels intense, as grief and anger gradually subside, anyone who can provide practical help is going to be grabbed onto! Into hearts struggling with these things the Lord speaks very deeply and tenderly. His love and affection are without limit. (Psalm 118:1) ‘Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!’

He will provide for all the needs, there may not be much left over, but He will provide! The danger is that in desperation we can turn to our own strength to try and rescue us – I know it is hard to trust Him when we are really up against it, but such faith brings tremendous fruit, as we start to see His miraculous provision. (Psalm 34:6-8) ‘A cry goes up from the poor and desperate, the Lord hears, and rescues from all the troubles. The Angel of the Lord pitches camp around those that fear Him; and He keeps them safe. How good the Lord is – only taste and see! Happy is the one who takes shelter in Him.’

There is often little time to build friendships when we are slightly older than most single people, and have to care for the children. Former friends may stay away with thoughts such as: ‘I’ll leave them alone to grieve’. Even when we are normally level headed, the feeling of not being attractive any more can be quite intense.

That sense of worthlessness, and feeling that friends don’t want to be around us can really throw us off balance emotionally. When we get like that, we can end up doing crazy things like self abuse, drugs, or getting into distorted sexual relationships just to feel loved. All of which ends up making things worse, and leaves us feeling guilty and overall pretty yuck. - Praise God though in Jesus we can have this cycle broken! We truly can. He is able to provide for our every need.

I know, I lost so many friends, I got into fantasy escapist stuff, to hide away from facing the pain, so I know what it feels like! But at the cross, Christ offers an exchange – All our shame, pain and hurt for His purity, holiness, and friendship. (Isaiah 53:11) ‘…by His sufferings shall He justify many, taking their faults on Himself.’

Part of being able to accept His answer, is to recognise what is going on. Once we see what is happening, we can start crying to Him to deal with it. (Jonah 2:2) ‘In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and You listened to my cry.’

The temptation to sexual sin may be more severe, when we feel abandoned and unloved; but in the end, it is a temptation, and if we give into it – the sin will bring forth the usual rotten fruit. Because of the spiritual element to sexual sin, suicide attempts, self-harm etc. it affects the whole family. There really needs to be a specific repentance and crying out for Jesus to break the power of this to set us free. One of the things that I have found really effective in this though is worship. As we worship as we see His strength and not our own weakness, it brings a real release to overcome the emotional blocks to giving it to Him.

Oh but when we do, He does restore us, He does heal, He always hears us when we are distressed and call out to Him. And much more than that, He restores us to a place where we are stronger spiritually and emotionally than we were before we fell. (Zechariah 9:11-12) ‘As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I am sending you back, prisoners from the pit (in which there is no water). To you, daughter of Zion, the hopeful captives will return. In compensation for your days of banishment I will give you back double.’

This is one of those where other Christians support can be helpful in breaking the power of this. For one thing, it says to our crushed spirits ‘Hey there is someone who genuinely cares!’, which challenges the lie that says we are unwanted. Another thing that we can do that really helps one another, is to have fun together. We can so easily get too serious and bogged down with difficulties, sometimes we just need to be kids again. Something that is really encouraged by Jesus (Matthew 18:4) ‘The one who changes and makes himself like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’

Orphans tend to be poor - this is perhaps rather obvious! We should never be so spiritual as to underestimate the level and scale of the practical problems. There can be a sort of poverty inside as well. A feeling we don’t deserve what the ‘rich’ people have or get frightened of not having enough to get by, it can get us into eating disorders and things like that as well.

The Lord deals with this practical problem with an intensely practical solution ‘… you must take all the tithes from your harvest and deposit them at your doors … the orphan and widow who live in your towns may come and eat and have all they want.’ (Deuteronomy 14:28-29) – God requires His people to provide for orphans from the tithe offering! He also sets in place rules that ‘gleanings’ should be left.

This is a really cool way of dealing with this kind of poverty – What it means is that there is work offered, but the rewards are out of proportion to the amount of effort put in. In those days the widows and the orphans had to collect the grain left behind by the reapers. They had to take it and grind it and cook with it, but they basically got it for free. I came across a charity that provided materials for poor people to build homes, then paid them for the labour put in as builders, and at the end gave them the homes they built.

This is giving without loss of self-respect and it is so lovely. When that happens what a blessing it is, I know well the help of kindly Christian folk who gave me ‘work’ to get me on my feet. It is hard accepting ‘handouts’. We don’t want to rely on anyone else, who will eventually let us down. The Lord is so gracious and courteous to us, that can be seen in the way His provision through the ‘gleaning’ law recognises that area of hurt and stubbornness in us!

We do have to watch out for bitterness and self-pity though. When others around do seem to have it a lot easier than us, it is so important to be grateful for the blessings that the Lord does give us. When we have experienced poverty, being grateful brings with it such richness in the joy of the Lord for each of the gifts He gives. We are able to truly appreciate His provision to us so much more.

(Psalm 136:23-26)

To the One who remembered us in our low estate - His love endures forever

And freed us from our enemies - His love endures forever.

And who gives food to every creature - His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven - His love endures forever.

The state systems in many western countries provide through benefits such as income supplements, child support etc. But in so many places in the world this is not available. Providing aid to others shows the love of Christ, and in fact as we do that it often brings with it a healing from our own hurts. Certainly when the Jerusalem apostles commissioned Paul it was conditional on him helping the poor! (Galatians 2:10) ‘The only thing they [The Apostles] insisted on was that we should remember to help the poor, as indeed I was anxious to do.’

As well as practical needs, there is an initial emotional reaction, which we have to come to terms with. When we lost that parent, with it came a sense of abandonment – oddly enough, this seems to be present even in those of us who lost parents before we were born. We often squash our grief and bereavement down inside, because we felt we had to be strong and cope, but hopelessness, depression, and susceptibility to discouragement can remain, sometimes under the surface, only showing up as panic attacks and unrealistic fears.

Into all this emotional turmoil the Lord speaks His hope and comfort. (Lamentations 3:22-23). ‘The favours of the Lord are not all past, His kindnesses are not all exhausted; every morning they are renewed; great is His faithfulness. ‘My portion is the Lord’ says my soul, ‘and so I will hope in Him.’ We may feel that loss very intensely, but He never leaves us.

The trouble is with the feeling of aloneness and being unloved is that we may do, or have done things, just to please people to get that affection we crave. When we do this it really makes us vulnerable to being badly treated. A whole bunch of other emotions may come with this, we probably feel rejected, a burden to others, certainly that we are ‘second class’ people and without a father’s affirmation, be unaware of the many many blessings we can bring to others.

When we don’t recognise our value as people we can start getting into all sorts of mess. Self harm, eating disorders (as well as the obvious ones there is sometimes a deep sense of not being worth feeding), desire to mutilate, pierce, tattoo, just a wanting to damage ourselves because we feel it is what we deserve. We may blame our aloneness on physical appearance, which in turn leads to desperate attempts to look or behave the way other people want. Coupled with this, can come that feeling of responsibility that we really aren’t ready for, and we end up thinking that no effort is good enough, which in turn can lead to us being intolerant of others, and self pity.

If we try in our own strength to overcome this we may attempt to harden ourselves emotionally to try to provide a safe feeling, which makes us wary of friendships in case they are stolen away. We will certainly have trouble admitting the need for affection, and inability to ask for help, or even knowing who to ask. One of the other things that this can lead to is a vulnerability to tolerating corrupt sexual attentions to meet the need to be touched and held, because we have trouble with normal ‘safe’ affection that gets expressed in friendships.

But before this gets too depressing – the Lord doesn’t leave us there. If you have been feeling like this, if you identify with this stuff and haven’t seen a way out – take heart. (Romans 7:24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body doomed to death? – Thanks be to God it is through Jesus Christ our Lord!’ The promises of the Lord are for us as well as those from good homes and whole families! (Psalm 103:17) ‘But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children’

One of the things that comes out of an awareness of these feelings, even if we do not fully understand them, is that we really know that we are needy, and this sense of need can drive us into the arms of the Lord. Not only that, but once having appreciated what Jesus has done for us, we are much less likely to drift into complacency, because we have a fierce loyalty to our precious saviour – the only truly reliable person we ever meet. (Luke 7:47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which were many, are forgiven, thus she loved much; but the one who is forgiven little loves little.")

Because there is a lot associated with abandonment, there may be a temptation to think that it is a huge set of problems and will take many years to get sorted through; but actually to the Lord the problems are not large at all. He has dealt with all of them on the cross, and there is one simple solution. (Hebrews 10:14 By virtue of that one single offering, He has achieved the eternal perfection of all whom He is sanctifying.)

The root cause of all these is that we have been abandoned, so in turn the Lord speaks His word of acceptance and that we can become His children. (Ephesians 1:4 –7. Before the world was made, He chose us, chose us in Christ, to be holy and spotless, and to live through love in His presence. Determining that we should become His adopted sons, through Jesus Christ for His own kind purposes, to make us praise the glory of His grace, His free gift to us in the Beloved, in whom, through His blood, we gain our freedom, the forgiveness of our sins.)

In bringing healing to the deep hurt we do need to learn to forgive and let go of the feelings of injustice and abandonment, to lay them at the cross of Christ. But the way the Lord works is to pour in a confidence in His Fatherhood first. He always draws us with His compassion and never with threats. It is out of that awareness of His father heart that a trust is built that enables each of us to yield our hurts up to Him. (Jeremiah 31:25-26 I will fully satisfy the needs of those who are weary and fully refresh the souls of those who are faint. Hence, you will say, ‘I awoke and was refreshed, and my sleep was peaceful.’)

It is true that forgiveness from God comes as part and parcel with us being able to forgive others; but the Lord understands the deep rooted insecurities that hold us back from forgiving failures of fathers, forgiving those who have taken advantage of us, and forgiving ourselves. Because of this, He comes gently wooing. There is not a big stick to say ‘do this or else’. It is always ‘Let me show you how much I care and how I can lift that heavy weight.’ (Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my load is not hard to carry.")

In fact for many of us the greatest barrier to receiving the healing and to see ourselves brought to a place of not only wholeness, but confidence and authority in Him, is simply that we are scared to believe that this is truly on offer to us.

We have got so used to our insecurities we can’t conceive of what it is like to be free. We can even be involved in loads of Christian work, seeing healings, deliverance and all manner of things, yet still not know we are truly loved children of the Lord. I know I am only just learning this lesson myself, and truly discovering what it means to be a child of the Father – Whooooo! It is really fun.

Jesus experienced the greatest abandonment of all being abandoned completely by His Father on the cross so that He truly understands our abandonment. He knows the fear of letting go of the things that we hold onto to provide security, and He never asks for us to make the first move.

Jesus made the first move on the cross as a declaration of commitment to us, and as we gaze on that sacrifice in worship and praise it brings us to that place where we see more clearly His compassion and strength to bring release. And it is still the way it happens, He always reaches out with healing first and awaits a love response back from us. (1John 3:16 This has taught us love – that He gave up His life for us.)

The Lord understands every single feeling that we have (Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest incapable of sympathising with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace whenever we need help).

He shared completely in the abandonment felt by every one of us throughout the ages. Because He experienced that completely – His healing for those damaged emotions is a complete healing. (Jeremiah 17:14 Heal me, Lord and I shall be really healed, save me and I shall be saved, for you alone are my hope).

Worship of the Lord is key in so many areas, it enables us to receive more of the tenderness of the Lord towards us, it enables us to see a right perspective, it enables us to recognise that the Lord has both the power and inclination to bring healing! It also takes the focus off the hurts, fears, etc. and gets them back to the Lord in whom we have our freedom. (Hebrews 13:15 Through Him let us offer God an unending sacrifice of praise, a verbal sacrifice that is offered every time we acknowledge His name.)

As part of that praise and worship a ‘soaking’ or ‘basking’ in the presence of the Lord brings some real deep healing. As we recognise that Father God actually has time for us, He doesn’t want us to feel unwelcome in His presence. This waiting on the Lord is not restricted to us as orphans, but open to every re-born child of God. But, you know, the Lord often seems to reserve a special place near His heart for those of us who have been abandoned

Worship is a time for rejoicing as well, sometimes there is not much joy in other areas of our lives, but what starts out as just rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord brings a great healing and security. (Nehemiah 8:10-12 He then said, ‘Go, eat the fat, drink the sweet wine, and send a portion to the one who has nothing prepared ready. For this day is sacred to our Lord. Do not be sad: The Joy of the Lord is your stronghold.’ And the Levites calmed the people saying, ‘Be at ease; this is a sacred day. Do not be sad.’ And all the people went off to eat and drink and give shares away and began to enjoy themselves as they understood the meaning of what had been proclaimed to them.)

As we begin to recognise that we are truly a child of God and live in His presence, (which praising enhances), the freedom and forgiveness bought by the blood of the Lord starts to touch every area of our lives, we start to experience an awakening of emotions long buried, we start finding things that we could never previously have contemplated becoming real. (1John3:2 My dear people, we are already the children of God, but what we are to be in the future has not yet been revealed; all we know is, that when it is revealed, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He really is.)

The Lord never comes to us when we are lonely and abandoned with a new set of rules to obey, He always makes that first move by revealing His nature as a tender caring father. (Isaiah 57:18 I will heal them and give them rest, and I will once again console those who mourn.)

It is a healing that has been completely paid for, and it is freely available, and he guards that healing for us, so that it cannot be snatched away again. (1Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may leave sin behind and live for righteousness. By His wounds you were healed. For you were going astray like sheep but now you have turned back to the shepherd and guardian of your souls).

Sometimes it seems that all the screwed up emotions hang on for a long time, but the reason for this is that the Lord is very gentle in the way He brings His healing to us. Especially when feelings have been lived with a long time it is difficult to recognise that they are not part of who we really are. (Isaiah 42:2-3 He does not cry out or shout aloud, or make His voice heard in the streets. He does not break the crushed reed, nor quench the wavering flame.)

One thing is certain however, every one of us that commits to Jesus, Jesus commits to each of us, to bring His deep healing into our lives. The Lord will not share His glory with any other, which includes people thinking that He is unable to restore us. He will absolutely not allow His children to remain as orphans! (John 14:18 I will not leave you orphans).

Part of that healing can be helped as the compassion of Christ is shared with others, part of becoming like Christ is that we should behave towards others who are hurting, in the same way that the Lord does. (Hosea 14:3 For You are the one in whom orphans find compassion).

As we are affirmed as being fully accepted as true children, with full rights as children of the Lord, it will encourage us to trust the Lord for a complete healing and restoration. He will bring it if we have asked. He has all the spiritual riches of heaven at His command, and He loves to pour out His healing on us - His children. (1 John 3:1 Think of the love that the Father has lavished on us by letting us be called God’s children; and that is what we are.)

All children are vulnerable, but when we loose a parent, and the remaining parent is struggling, we probably won’t have someone to turn to when we need help. Without that authority and support in our lives, there is a danger of taking a lead from anyone with strong characters.

Almost all of us will have found that people have taken advantage of this. They that see that we are crushed inside and unlikely to seek help, and provide easy prey for abuse and mistreatment.

When I was younger, I kept catching myself obeying when people told me to do something without questioning why I should be doing what they told me to. It took a long while to realise what was happening. I do praise God though that He did send one or two men of God, who without saying anything much about what they were doing, quietly kept their eyes on me. It was years later I got to appreciate that I had been shown that kind of love, sadly most died before I thanked them.

Without a good role model it is less clear what is dangerous and what things cause emotional, spiritual, and physical damage, and we can easily fail to see when we are getting ourselves into trouble. We flounder in knowing how to tackle emotional issues, and it is hard to have clear borders to protect us from where dangers lie. We may also struggle with a lack of self-discipline, a sort of laziness, and a ‘Why shouldn’t I do it – things are already completely screwed up!’ type of thinking.

Without strong parental love, the need for affection can lead to a desperate need for affection leading to sexual vulnerability, promiscuity, an inability to build good relationships, and seeking of comfort in drink, drugs, smoking etc. (The smoking addiction is often especially strong because it is a comfort deeply rooted in the anger and other emotions at being let down).

The vulnerability in some senses only becomes a real problem if we are exploited, or really go off the rails. Those of us who are held in a supportive family / church environment are still more vulnerable than those who are not orphans, but that support makes a big difference in resisting being taken advantage of or giving in to despair. I so praise the Lord for putting protection like that around me as I was growing up. There may have been many things wrong with the church, but I was accepted there, at least enough to help me through the hardest times.

If exploitation happens, it is likely increase fear and the sense of being abandoned, and can lead to excessive shyness, and extreme temper outbursts, all coming from a deep-rooted sense of injustice, (even if it is hard for us to admit to). With rape and other sexual abuse, until we receive the Lord’s healing, it usually becomes the main focus in our lives. There is the theft of our feeling of having any control over our lives, and the other is a real wounding of our spirit and feeling of being absolute dirt. Sadly this makes it even harder to build good relationships.

If we have been promised a treat or something, we have innocently looked forwards to it, and without parents we are let down, and have those hopes dashed. But when what is promised as a treat for us turns out to be a perverse ‘treat’ for the person who promised it, and in fact strips away every dignity, and any remains of self esteem the effect can be absolutely devastating. Our spirits inside just cry out for the clock to go back and a terrible sense of guilt how we could have been so stupid and shame at our feelings of being messed up and uncleanness completely engulfs us.

Why we were so stupid to allow it to happen? Why couldn’t we have done more to avoid being abused, or told someone to get them to stop it? - The guilt is unfounded. Without the security of family who would we have been able to tell anyway? But the guilt inside sadly doesn’t listen to this logic.

Sometimes we make ourselves strict rules that cannot be kept, to try and protect ourselves. But then we ‘binge’ because when we infringe our rules in a small way we might as well break them completely. This can lead to some real twisted things, afterwards we end up with an overwhelming sense of shame and defensiveness. It can make it so hard to accept forgiveness, because what we have done strongly reinforces how worthless we think we are, and gives us real trouble in forgiving ourselves.

Ok – you know if this is you. Probably you are a bit scared that I have spoken these words. If so I want to assure you of something. The Lord is able to restore purity, He is able to bring back dignity, and when He does this He does something else as well. (Proverbs 6:31 The thief once caught must pay back seven fold, and has to hand over all his resources.) The restoration of the Lord when our innocence is stolen in this way is not only complete – but He gives us back sevenfold.

God’s top priority is to provide us with a place of safety and security, where we are not taken advantage of. (Psalm 146:9 The Lord protects the stranger, He keeps the orphan and widow.)

We may see the need to deal with the deep hurts as most important, but to Him, that we understand how much we are cared for and provided for is absolute top. In fact He views the crazy things we have done with great compassion. I mean He knows what we are like, He knew we were going to blow it! Where we see ourselves as a complete waste of space after we have done something wrong, he looks at us tenderly and sees the need of healing,. (Hosea 14:3-4 …for You are the one in whom, the orphans find compassion. "I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger will turn away from them.)

He really treats us so so gently, where we see a need to be disciplined, the Lord comes much more gently, because he recognises the deep injustices suffered. His gentleness has a real power to it, there is no impatience, or just being gentle for a while until He gets what He wants. His gentleness is absolute, it never stops or changes, and in that constancy there is all the power of the heavens. (Isaiah 57:18 I have seen their behaviour, but I will heal them and give them rest, and I will once again console those who mourn. I am the one who gives them reason to celebrate. Complete prosperity is available both to those who are far away and those who are nearby," says the Lord, "and I will heal them.)

At the same time He protects and defends. (Jeremiah 30:16 Those who plundered you will be plundered. I will cause those who pillaged you to be pillaged. Yes, I will restore you to health. I will heal your wounds. I, the Lord, affirm it. That is because you have been called an outcast.)

The Lord takes it very seriously when people take advantage of children. (Matthew 18:5-7. ‘Anyone who welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But anyone who is an obstacle to bring down one of these little ones who have faith in me would be better drowned in the depths of the sea with a great millstone around his neck. Alas for the world that there should be such obstacles! Obstacles indeed there must be, but alas for the man who provides them.’).

It is clear from what Jesus is saying here that the child who has faith in Him is to be welcomed and supported by those who follow Him. What Jesus is saying reflects the heart of Father God clearly displayed throughout the Bible. The Lord does not tolerate abuse of the vulnerable children. (Deuteronomy 27:19 "A curse on him who tampers with the rights of the stranger, the orphan and the widow." And all the people shall say : Amen).

As well as protection, and healing the Lord brings restoration. Throughout the Bible the theme of restoration continually comes up, one of the chief causes of a deep grief within many of us, (especially those that have been raped and abused) is that we have lost out on childhood. The Lord’s promise in Joel 2:25 where the Lord shows pity on those who have suffered devastating loss: ‘I will make up to you for the years devoured by the grown locust and hopper, by shearer and young locust…

There is another interesting aspect of God’s attitude is where the Lord shows favour to Job and restores his fortune to him twofold because of his faithfulness through devastating loss (Job 42 :9-10)

He also starts writing into our hearts that we are actually no longer orphans, but that we are true children of the Lord. (Romans 8:15 – The Spirit you received is not the spirit of slaves brining fear into your lives again; it is the Spirit of sons and makes us cry out, ‘Abba, Father!’ The Spirit himself and our spirit bear united witness that we are children of God).

The guilt and shame felt if we have fallen prey to abuse, or done things that have hurt ourselves and hurt Jesus, can be very overwhelming for us. This is often a real barrier to receiving the healing of the Lord. You know what though, He takes so much time and care over each one of us to bring us to a place of overcoming where we are truly loved by God enough for Him to really forgive us – and that he actually longs to pour that forgiveness out to us. (Ephesians 2:5 When we were dead through our sins, Hew brought us to life with Christ.)

To do this, the Lord often gives us a much deeper intimacy with Him. He knows that we have a need to know the hug from Father so so much more than those who have received hugs from parents – and where we pull away after a certain time the Lord just keeps pouring His affection in. (Jeremiah 31:3 I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have continued to be faithful to you.)

The apostle John seems to have such a deep understanding of this, always referring to himself as the disciple that Jesus loved, and in the end it was to him that Jesus entrusted the care of his widowed mother. (John 19:26 Seeing his mother and the disciple he loved standing near her, Jesus said to his mother, ‘Woman, this is your son’. Then to the disciple he said, ‘This is your mother’. And from that moment the disciple made a place for her in his home.)

Although (Praise God) I have not experienced sexual abuse myself, and I have known the Lord’s hand on me from very young. My heart is still very much with those who because of the vulnerability as orphans have suffered rape and sexual abuse, and misused sex, after that precious gift has been distorted. In fact, it really ‘ouches’ my spirit inside for every vulnerable child put into a place where freedom of choice is lost, and something that should be gentle and caring is abusively forced. The very helplessness of that, and the fear that comes in because of that, undermines our ability to be able to receive the fullness of that completely different, true and absolutely selfless kind of love that comes from Jesus. (1John 3:16 This has taught us love – that he gave up His life for us; and we too should give up our lives for our brothers.)

This is where my anger against the fear, and distortion brought by the enemy really starts to boil. The enemy has no right to hold that fear in place, it is stopping us from getting all God’s blessing, but as well as that it is giving the glory to the enemy. The Lord will not stand for that in any way! (Isaiah 42:8 ‘…I will not yield my glory to another, nor my honour to idols’)

The need to truly know forgiveness from Father is something that is really core to our hearts, to get that reassurance that never came from out human parents. We almost always feel that we have let our earthly fathers down, we are painfully aware of our own sin, and often so much so that we feel guilt is part of who we are. So, although asking for forgiveness is easy, actually letting go of that hurt and guilt to Jesus can be a really hard emotional wrench – we just don’t see that He could forgive us. Into this, the Father speaks His word of fatherly forgiveness. (Psalm 103:11-14 No less than the height off heaven over earth is the greatness of His love for those who fear Him; He takes our sins further away than the east is from the west.)

The forgiveness that He brings is absolutely unconditional, and often after we have experienced the joy of being born again into His kingdom, we find it a real liberation and enter in wholeheartedly, but then when we then sin again, it can often come as a devastating body blow. We feel like we have been offered a second chance and then blown it, because of that deep sense of worthlessness it can feel like we have completely blown it by damaging the only worthwhile thing in our lives. Into this hurt the Lord pours His reassurance that we are not only able to be forgiven – but that His desire for us is purity, and that is not derailed by our failure, even when it brings really destructive results. (1John 1:9 If we acknowledge our sins then God who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and purify us from everything that is wrong.)

There is a real need of the reassurance that the Father will not abandon us because of the sin that we fell into after we first met Him. (Luke 15:20 While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity. He ran to the boy and clasped him in his arms and kissed him tenderly.) Remember this passage is about a boy who was with the father and then fell into sin!

One of the things that gets sidelined a lot is the breaking of bread/communion (whatever names it goes by) For us this may have a much deeper poignant significance, as we are often so very aware of our own failings, and we are likely to be pretty harsh on ourselves as to whether we are worthy enough to take it. But the Lord is strong in His words confirming our place before Him. (Acts 11:9 A second time the voice spoke and from heaven, "What God has made clean, you have no right to call profane.")

This love feast to Jesus is very important. In sharing in this deep spirit reminder of Jesus death, it speaks inside us of both the compassion of Jesus, and also of that tremendous forgiveness. When we share this together, we open the door for Jesus to come and join with us in a real intimate way. (Revelation 3:20 Look I am standing at the door knocking. If one of you hears me calling and opens the door, I will come and share his meal, side by side with him.)

In these days we so need recognise that we have all messed up, and set aside judgement of each other and ourselves. Instead we need to recognise the amazing way in which Father reaches out again and again in compassion, even whilst our sin is still tearing His heart apart. (Luke 15:7 In the same way I tell you there is more rejoicing in heaven over one repentant sinner than over ninety-nine virtuous men who have no need of repentance.)

One of the ways that we can help and support the healing and forgiveness process in each other is to declare the forgiveness of the Lord to one another. This takes trust and a genuine righteous heart to see the release of the guilt and shame. But for someone to listen to each of us tell of the ‘terrible’ things we have done, and then proclaim the blood of Christ that cleanses from every sin to us, has an amazing healing effect. (James 5:16 So confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great effectiveness. )

It is crazy really, as orphans we can see the beauty of Jesus in each other, but often we dare not believe that we ourselves are actually precious to Him. Even just as we are, screw ups, destructive behaviour and all. The thing is as soon as we are able to do that He brings such a release- I mean ‘Oh Wow release’. When I led my dad to the Lord on his deathbed, the response he gave me was ‘Now I can face death without fear!’ In one go he grasped in the Spirit, what we often seem to struggle with. Recognising the complete unconditional forgiveness that Jesus has for us. (Hebrews 2:15 He set free those who were held in slavery all their lives by their fear of death.)

I no longer have to struggle to be pleasing to an absent father, I can stop doing things in my own strength, or try to sort myself out, I can let him heal my illnesses. Yeah that is a cool one ‘cos without fear and low self esteem, we kinda just realise that they are not actually part of what makes us who we are, we don’t deserve to be ill! There is no more security in having the label ‘Sick person’ and Jesus can come and say ‘Hey I am going to lift that off you!’ (Matthew 8:16 When it was evening, many demon-possessed people were brought to Him. He drove out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick).

We are very sensitive about consequences our sinful actions bring, and the understanding of the Lord’s action when He forgives sin is really important. When the Lord forgives sins He not only forgives but He weaves the consequences of those sins into His perfect plan. His purposes for mankind are not derailed by sin that we commit when we are at our most vulnerable and has been forgiven by the Lord. In fact He actually no longer remembers this sin. There is never a case of ‘You have done this so many times I will no longer forgive.’ Every time to the Lord is the first time it has ever happened! (Hebrews 10:15-17 And the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us, for after saying, "This is the covenant that I will establish with them after those days, says the Lord. I will put my laws on their hearts and I will inscribe them on their minds," then he says, "Their sins and their offences I will remember no longer.")

Part of becoming a child is to be given a right and loving firm leading and nurturing. Often the churches take it upon themselves to provide an authority structure, with the leader / priest taking a father role. This is actually quite a dangerous stand to take, as in reality we remain vulnerable, because the leader can never provide the level of support to go with the discipline. What the Bible says is that the Lord is the one that has to take that father role. (Proverbs 3:12 The Lord reproves the man He loves, as a father checks a well-loved son).

Although it may be hard to stand by and watch others getting into crazy messes, it is very important that it is support that is given by us to others that are struggling, rather than heavy discipline. The Lord has the discipline bit well in hand! I know I am very aware of my own failings. Because of our vulnerability we may place unquestioning obedience to ‘godly’ leaders, but we really do need to have our own discernment of right and wrong restored.

Abuses of church leadership positions are well known, and so destructive as they can bring deep wounds to the spirit! (Hebrews 12:10 Of course our human fathers were thinking of this short life when they punished us, and could only do what they thought best; but He does it all for our own good, so that we may share His own holiness.)

We are responsible for carrying one another’s burdens. Part of this is prayer and encouragement to one another, to help us be able to accept the Lord’s healing and be restored to right relationship with the only true father. (Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ).

The task of protecting each other as fellow orphans is something that we often want to do, because we know what it feels like. In reality all we can really do is to pray for the Lord’s protection, and direct each other’s gaze back to the true father of us all. (Malachi 4:5-6 Know that I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before my day comes, that great and terrible day. He shall bring a father heart towards children, and turn children’s hearts toward father, lest I come and strike the land with a curse.)

The healing of our understanding of the true father nature of God is something that can only be accomplished with the amazing power of the blood of Jesus Christ. (1Peter 2:22-24 He had not done anything wrong, and their had been no perjury in His mouth. He was insulted and did not retaliate with insults; when He was tortured He made no threats but put His trust in the righteous judge. He was bearing our own faults in His own body on the cross, so that we die to our faults and live for holiness; through His wounds you have been healed. You had gone astray like sheep but now you have come back to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.)

But there is another thing, His words made heaven and earth, and as we speak and hear the truth of His Word spoken into our lives it is very powerful to break bondages, to destroy wrong thought patters, to drive out sickness and guilt. (Hebrews 4:12-13 The Word of God is something alive and active: it cuts like any double-edged sword but more finely: it can slip through the place where the soul is divided from the spirit, or joints from the marrow; it can judge the secret emotions and thoughts. No created thing can hide from Him; everything is uncovered and open to the eyes of the one to whom we give account of ourselves.)

For those in stable families, childhood fears are usually grown out of, parents are able to support and encourage. Most of us will not have known this, and instead we expect to be let down or rejected, and mistrust is part of our lives. These fears can often be healed by a loving acceptance melting away the rejection.

Without parents, we take on loads of responsibility, and when the only adults around appear critical and uncaring, it is very easy to develop anxieties that we simply will not cope. With no-one to provide reassurance, the worry will remain; and although as adults we know that things are unlikely to go desperately wrong, anxiety and panic attacks can still occur.

With trauma such as the loss of parents, unjust treatment from uncaring relatives, or sexual abuse due to our desperate need for affection and vulnerability, we as children may experience what to us was at that time unimaginable – Those fears become a reality.

This is likely to lead to deep insecurity, with a very real fear we are not safe. Many of our worst childhood fears then remain into adulthood.

Perhaps worst, is if we have become ‘orphaned’ by being physically or sexually abused by a parent L . The one we rely on to provide for us, in our childhood innocence we look forwards to being with them. Then we suddenly find all hope is crushed and our protector becomes a feared jailer. We instinctively know that if we were to mention it to mum, dad would find out, and retribution would be fierce. So suddenly, we are robbed of a safe parent to whom we can turn for refuge, and when we need comfort the most it is taken from us. Every effort is made in futile attempts to hide.

Things like this can plant a very deep fear inside us, and we see no escape, and that can bring a real hopelessness and depression. Anyone in charge looks very dangerous to us, and this screws up our sense of right and wrong, which can get us into some seriously bad stuff, which has a whole lot of other fear with it.

At the very least, we try to avoid situations where our fears are likely to be exposed. On the outside, this may look good, but our lives are completely tied up by having to do things in certain ways that feel safe. We may become so used to ‘our ways’ that we no longer recognise just how trapped we really are. In fact we are so used to being bound up that the very idea of Jesus being able to release us so that we can do those things also frightens us.

In me I found when I saw something as a danger, I was completely paralysed and unable to know how to reach out for help. We may react by hiding in a corner, curling up in a ball, hugging a cushion or stuffed toy and will certainly not let people physically near us. These reactions are understandable because as orphans we are ill-equipped emotionally to deal with the apparent threat. But this is not the liberty that Christ wants us to live in. He has purchased our freedom at the cross, and it is to His glory that we enjoy that freedom! We need to understand that complete freedom from unfounded fear is exactly what He bought for us at the cross.

There do seem to be some fears that are common in those of us abused in this way, such as fear of drowning, claustrophobia, and or agoraphobia, fear of the dark, fear of affection, flying, unfamiliar environments etc. Almost anything where we cannot be in control of things around makes us feel vulnerable. This can lead to a lot of conflicts, because our surroundings are often shared with others, who might find it equally disturbing to have their environment disturbed!

Some of us try to hide in the imaginary, (fantasy films, books and games), daydreams of what if, and others can completely blank off. Other hiding can be more dangerous. Ironically the fear can prompt occult involvement in an attempt to find an external strength. This finding of comfort in things that are frightening / demonic is easier because we are already so familiar with feelings of fear and abandonment.

Those of us who are trapped by fear especially coming from rape, extreme violence against us, or occult involvement, will frequently have mental as well as emotional problems, especially paranoia, bipolar (manic depression), multiple personality disorder (schizophrenia), depression, and psychosomatic illnesses. However, the blood of Jesus is just as effective in bringing healing in all areas of our lives.

Another area of fear is a fear of building deep relationships in case they are snatched away, this may eventually get buried, and we end up thinking – ‘Oh I am just not the sort of person who gets really close to others.’ And we can get trapped in an emotional poverty and miss out on the tremendous joys of loving friendships.

The Lord has put it within all our hearts to be able to share of ourselves, and in the end we need to receive that intimate assurance of the faithful love of Jesus to be able to see the lie broken. This is not quite so easy when there is low self esteem to overcome as well! But the Lord is infinitely gracious and patient with us to break down any wall. As with everything else it is often simply enough to desire it and cry out to Him – He is that faithful!

Looking through the Bible there are so many places where the Lord appears and His first words are ‘Do not fear.’ He puts that deep concern that we are not afraid as an absolute top priority. For example God’s words to Abram, before he had even had Isaac, or faced the challenge of offering him as a sacrifice. (Genesis 15:2 ‘Have no fear, I am your shield; your reward will be very great’.)

One of the ways we get caught up is by panic attacks. In a way panic is a fear that the Lord cannot cope, when we cannot see an answer. We see Father God in terms of the failings or mortality of our human fathers, we really need to declare the truth to bring release from this, as we do so we can come to recognise that the love of our heavenly father to us is from everlasting to everlasting – there is no end to it and He will not let us down, and He is more than capable of coping on our behalf! (Psalm 103:17 Yet the Lord’s love for those who fear Hi lasts from all eternity and forever, like His goodness to their children’s children.)

He will bring all the power in the heavenlies into bringing release from that fear. But – amazingly only if we ask for it, and then so gently, so very gently, because what he does never brings fear with it. I mean He already knows how tormented by fear we can be, He knows that we don’t need hell fire threats! When I flick through the New Testament I am hard pushed to find a verse on hell, but those showing the gentle kindness and compassion of Jesus are everywhere!

It is so central, that when He comes to bring release from fear, He brings with that a true understanding of what love should look like. (1 John 4:9&10 ‘God’s love for us was revealed when God sent into the world His only Son so that we could have life through Him. This is the love I mean: not our love for God, but God’s love for us when He sent His Son to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away.’)

The tenderness and security, the absolute graciousness in not forcing us in anyway at all, there is no judgement for anything that we have done wrong, there is no anger, there is no retribution. His words are a gentle whisper of kindness and support, without any malice or threat. There is no – ‘If you do this or that then I will sort it.’ It is always, ‘Please give me your fear and hurt my precious precious child – I can carry it, you are not able to.’ (1 John 4:18 ‘In love there can be no fear but fear is driven out by perfect love’)

Perfect love is the kind that Jesus shows us. It is not the kind that we get from our earthly fathers who let us down, by dying, or abandoning us and was not able to protect from the demeaning of our inheritance as a beautiful innocent children. It is not the sort that we were told by those who abused us for their own pleasure when we were vulnerable. This is the sort that is strong enough to banish all fear, and bring the release to know that we are just so so accepted because of Jesus cross. (Psalm27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?)

We need never fear again, because He is our refuge; I need never curl up in a ball again; because He will protect my spirit, we can be restored to be children again, completely trusting our heavenly father. Knowing that He will supply all our needs, knowing that even if we get hurt by the other kids – He will make it all better! (Psalm 27:5 For He shelters me under His awning in times of trouble; He hides me deep in His tent, sets me high on a rock.)

Please don’t be fearful when thinking about being released from fear – Isn’t His release from fear is absolutely what our hearts cry out for – go for it, together in Jesus we can see that release happen. We don’t have to be perfect or completely sorted, it is often as we give out and support others who themselves are struggling, that we are ourselves seeing that release of the Lord’s grace in them, experience the same in our own lives. (Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask of Yahweh, one thing I seek: To live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To enjoy the sweetness of Yahweh and to meditate on Him in His temple.)

Faith / trust is the opposite of fear, declaration of the truth of Jesus - especially stating it out loud brings a release. By the way fear is something spiritual. The right fear of the Lord brings many blessings, but the unrighteous fear that the enemy brings be addressed and told to leave in the name of Jesus. We should never forget the power in that name, it is so powerful that even those who do not know Christ can use it to see mighty miracles happen (Matthew 7:22 When that day comes many will say to me ‘Lord, Lord, didn’t we prophesy in Your name, cast out demons in Your name and work many miracles in your name?’)

Along with this, because there is a spiritual force behind fear, there is often a corruption of the meaning of the word of God, which speaks love, acceptance and forgiveness into our lives. Most often what happens is we see the Bible as a list of rules, rather than an expression of the heart of love of the Lord. To reduce that relationship with the Lord to rules will ensure that captivity to fear remains.

Praying for one another and seeking to care for one another without judgement really helps in this area. (Psalm 103:8-10 The Lord is tender and compassionate, slow to anger, most loving; His indignation does not last for ever, His resentment exists only a short time only; he never treats us, never punishes us as our guilt and sins deserve.)

In accepting forgiveness, accepting the Love of Christ, and forgiving those that have hurt, abandoned or abused us, the foot hold for fear is completely removed. To get there we need a deep trust in Jesus, we need to know that we are completely safe in His hands. We also need to grasp that letting go of the bitterness and unforgiveness to Him really will bring complete healing. It is not easy to understand ‘cos we get so used to being surrounded by fear that we have no real idea of what freedom is like – But oh hallelujah, when we allow Him to bring us to that point of trust, what release there is in our spirits. (Psalm 27:6 In His tent, I will offer exultant sacrifice. I will sing, I will play (or wave banners!) for the Lord.)

What Jesus accomplished on the cross has paid the price the freedom from fear! It is now our inheritance and it is so precious. When we are truly freed from fear, we are in a position to receive absolutely everything that He has to offer. It brings with it a complete honesty about who we are, we can look in the mirror and see the beauty that Jesus has put in us, we needn’t be frightened of admitting that actually He has done a really good job in making us who we are! Which for us as orphans is a real big deal! (Isaiah 51:12 "I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass,)