by David H. Kessel
Whenever jealousy is talked about it's usually in reference to romantic relationships...usually between heterosexuals, although it would clearly apply to homosexual/lesbian relationships, too. This will be the primary context of this discussion...but since sociologically jealousy is a social relation (a way of taking others into account and of being taken into account), I believe that it abounds in all sorts of contexts in our society, too. After discussing it in the romantic context, I'll finish with a few words of amplification on this broader understanding of jealousy...how, in fact, much of the production and consumption in a capitalist society is premised on it. But, for now, lets think of jealousy in the more narrow context of "love" and romance and marriage/partnering.
The truth of the matter is there's not a whole lot written about jealousy, especially from a critical perspective. I found one site which while acknowledging some destructive effects of jealousy, was primarily interested in it because the author felt it led to great sex...a ploy to arouse attention and interest. Another author tried in vain, in my opinion, to distinquish between jealousy and envy...supporting envy as a relatively harmless reality. Another site, while not in the least supportive of jealousy, utilized it as a theraputic device to generate greater empathy between people. I also found a Jealousy Test.
One of the best sources to describe jealousy is an article by Emma Goldman written circa 1912, "Jealousy: Causes and a Possible Cure" Emma maintains that being jealous is not an innate characteristic of humans, but rather, a learned response to structural/institutional arrangements involving monogamy, marriage, and ownership of property...specifically, sexual ownership of women by men. She bluntly states that "jealousy is not the result of love." She says it's "...the very reverse of understanding, of sympathy, and of generous feeling." I highly recommend this article by Goldman.
However, the main content of this short essay comes from a source I no longer remember...although I think it's from the Instructor's Manual to Keith Melville's excellent old textbook, Marriage and Family Today, which I used quite often in the 1980's. The text is no longer in print, unfortunately. Neither do I have the IM I think this "jealousy typology" comes from...I have only my notes taken at the time and utilized numerous times in various sociology courses. So, I present these ideas as authored by someone other than myself...although a bit of the commentary surrounding the typology is from me.
As Emma Goldman indicates, jealousy is far too often conceived as a "sign of love." This, in my opinion, is the first thing that one must establish with an audience. As Emma says, "In fact, if it were possible to investigate most cases of jealousy, it would likely be found that the less people are imbued with a great love the more violent and contemptible is their jealousy." Far from being a sign of love, jealousy is love's exact opposite. Goldman says, "Its one desire is to punish, and to punish as severely as possible."
However, jealousy is also NOT evidence of personal failure, nor innate in human beings. This latter claim is, as Goldman says, "...a convenient excuse for those who lack ability and willingness to delve into cause and effect." She calls it "...the artificial result of an artificial cause, nothing else." Yet, the kind of jealousy being referred to here is not the same as authentic anguish over a lost love, nor grieving over the discontinuity of a love thread, nor authentic emotional sorrow. Emma maintains, and I agree, that this type of anguish or emotional sorrow may very well be innate among humans. But, jealousy itself is a learned response...a learned social relation generated from a learned way of "being" in the world and in relation to and with others. The jealous individual, while often as dispicable as can be, is therefore just as much a victim as the one who is the receiver of jealous feelings and actions.
Thus, if jealousy is not a sign of love nor a sign of personal failure, what is it? Just as a fever is a sign of a virus (NOT the virus itself), jealousy is the outward manifestation of a troubled relationship and a lack of self-respect. An individual...or even a couple...who is jealous of their mate, should try to understand that jealousy is a signal to attend to that relationship and to oneself. Although this essay is not the place to go into depth about it, the romantic or even marital relationship...to the extent it is essentially a symbiotic relationship (Fromm talks about this numerous places)...is a major source of jealousy...it's a "setup," in other words.
With all this having been said as preface, just what IS jealousy? In actuality, jealousy is quite difficult to define succiently. From my own experience as a jealous individual at one time in my life...and from looking at various sources...I've settled on the general definition of: a gut level pain resulting from the unpleasant fear, suspicion, or resentment arising from mistrust of another. I believe this definition provides a good point of departure in order to spell it out more fully...hence the following "typology of jealousy." Using this typology breaks down the seemingly monolithic and singular quality of the word itself. It taps into the various dimensions involved in jealousy and allows us to discern different types as well as sources of jealousy. It also facilitates seeing that what some people experience in their relationships is in fact jealousy, although not always clearly recognized by those involved.
1. Possessive Jealousy
This type of jealousy is premised on the perception that someone else is a extension of your own life. Therefore, a "hoarding orientation" to life is dominant here...a feeling that one possesses another and that one cannot be "who they are" without them.
2. Exclusion Jealousy
This type is premised on the feeling that one is being left out or shut out from something another is (or will be) experiencing. This type is most clearly related to envy, although envy is part of every type, too. Also, the belief that someone else has (or will have) an "advantage" is very strong in this type.
3. Competition Jealousy
Premised on a "marketing orientation" to life, this type of jealousy involves showing/demonstrating to others that you have desirable characteristics.
4. Egotism Jealousy
This type involves denying to another any freedom from role stereotypes...based upon one's own needs for identity and sense of worth.
5. Fear Jealousy
This type is based on the feeling of insecurity about losing control of another...or actually losing the other...that they will abandon you when "something better" comes along.
This typology, while probably not exhaustive, amply illustrates the multfaceted dimensions of jealousy. Using just one word to describe these various feelings and activities is quite inadequate. Depending on the experienes of the individual...their commitment to role requirements...and on their own sense of "self," these types of jealousy may overlap within one individual. Or, one or more may be dominant in any given individual. But having the typology allows examination (both self- and external) of a relationship which is unlikely with using just the one label of "jealous." It permits questions about sources of orientation and behaviors...conditions which produce these relations.
Returning to the issue of broader social relations, hopefully it is clearer now what I meant when I mentioned that when removed from romantic/partnership relations, we can discern "jealousy" throughout our society. The notions of possessiveness, exclusion/advantage, competitiveness, egotism/identity, and fear permeate our capitalist and hierarchial societal structures. In short, we are a "jealous society" and it's also clear, at least to me, that many people depend on others being jealous in this larger context. But I'll leave it at that for now...the "hint" of looking for social relations behind and beyond very dissimilar outward realities is hopefully sufficient and suggestive as is.
I suggest that teachers utilize this typology with students...generating reflective discussion in class as well as being utilized for self-analysis by students via opinion or analysis papers.
Finally, allow me to finish with the short paragraph with which Emma Goldman ends her article:
"All lovers do well to leave the dooors of their love wide open. When love can go and come without fear of meeting a watchdog, jealousy will rarely take root because it will soon learn that where there are no locks and keys there is no place for suspicion and distrust, two elements upon which jealousy thrives and prospers."