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Need Excuses
Need Excuses To Tell Your Woman?
1.My car got towed, with me in it.
2.I was putting out a fire. The house I was building us – it’s gone. Oh lord, it’s gone.
3.Sorry I’m late. This compass sucks (throw your compass).
4.Shoe sale, you understand.
5.What? The streetlights just came on, seriously.
6.Boy, are you hard to shop for. There’ not one size 2 dress in this town – not one.
7.Sorry I’m late, I was thinking about what you said and you’re right.
8.Those Cosmo quizzes take forever.
9.Reading to the blind takes it out of you – whew, wow.
10.I have never eaten that much Chicken. Sorry I’m late.
11.I was looking at paint colors for the nursery. You still want kids don’t you?
12.If you have to ask where I was, I’m not going to tell you.
13.Rock, paper, scissors to see if I’m late or not.
14.Why am I late? Free blimp ride honey, free blimp ride.
15.I was studying for the bar exam at O’hoolihans.
16.I just came from dinner with my parents. Where were you? How could you do this to me? I’m going to bed.
17.I fell asleep in a bush and I think I’m still loaded.
18.Honey, have you ever heard of Emergency Jury Duty?
19.I was lined up for theatre tickets when some moron spilled beer all over me. Look at my shirt, ruined.
20.I got scared honey and I ran. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore…and then I kept on running, right back here to you…damn you’re pretty.
21.Male problems. I don’t want to talk about it.
22.I’m working nights as a Librarian…I needed the money so I wouldn’t have to give you this for your Birthday (hold up crumpled napkin and begin to cry).
23.Honey, I met someone else and I’m leaving her – she’s no good.
24.Honey, I looked everywhere for Hammocks…What do you mean this isn’t your note.
25.Sorry I’m late…you’ll find out why on your Birthday.
26.Honey, you’d better sit down for this one…I just followed your Father into a (dramatic pause) strip club.
27.A goat ate my keys.
28.I lost my map to my house.
29.When the Queen says stay for one more round, you don’t say no.
30.How can I write you love letters if we are always together.
31.Absents makes the heart grow fonder.
32.The gasket on my manifold blew and was shooting oil all over the place… but you don’t worry your pretty little head about it.
33.I never kiss and tell.
34.I was getting “Love’n” tips from a stripper to bring home to you.
35.Our golf cart broke down on the 14th hole. We had to set up camp until we were rescued.
36.Poems take a long time to write.
37.I was daydreaming of you and lost track of time.
38.I was making a sperm deposit at the fertility clinic.
39.Church went late.
40.I stayed for extra tutoring at the ‘How to love’ seminar.
41.You’re not the boss of me.
42.I forgot to set my watch back/forward
43.I couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter.
44.I had to wait for the fresh gravy.
45.Cricket Game. 150 England, 275 Wales… What else can I say?
46.I had to rescue kittens from a tree.
47.Working overtime for your birthday.
48.Time management seminar ran late.
49.Trying to find the ‘Ghost Orchid’.
50.I was caller #7.
51.Are you a cop or are you writing a book?
52.Had to drop off flowers with your mom. I love your family.
53.Can you say narcolepsy?
54.Time lost track of me.
55.Line was long leaving the bar.
56.Circus is in town.
57.I was on the last float in the parade.
58.The engagement ring store had a ‘Midnight Madness’ sale.
59.This watch you bought me is broken. Damn watch!
60.I thought you were just doing my laundry anyway?
61.This is your fault, not mine.
62.Shhh… I’m now complete with you by my side. Together we are one.
63.What is ‘Time’ anyway?
64.Unlike your father, at least I came home.
65.I was working on my appetite, but now I’m home to eat… you known what I mean.
66.I was checking out the new Bud Light packaging.
67.The Prime Minister needed a hand.
68.It takes a long time to boil beans.
69.I was gassy.
70.Honey, you won’t understand until you try it yourself.
71.I had to get that burning itch looked at.
72.That’s for me to know and you to find out (wink, wink).
73.The ring that you deserve will take two jobs to pay for.
74.What do you mean “Where was I?”, “Where were you!?”.
75.Let’s not talk about me. Let’s talk about how much I love you
