Bregman's Corner
This is a section dedicated to the king of zing. There really is no way to describe the wit, charm, and zany humor of this man, but my desire to enlighten you all has motivated me to create this page.
Here are some interesting solutions that Bregman might come up with to normal everyday problems. I wish I could share them all, but some need to be filtered for bregman's safety. . .
- Situation: You've been at Adam's Morgan all night and your drunk as a skunk. As you begin to venture home with your crew at 3AM on a Tuesday night you start to drunk dial various people including your roomate. After informing him of your current status, you pass the phone off to as many people (known and unknown to the roomate) as you can before he hangs up.
Question: Upon returning home at 3:30AM with your posse, what should you do?
Answer: Well, first you make sure that you invite the cab driver in and offer him a drink or two. Then send all your drunk friends to knock on your roomate's door. If the room looks dark, and you know it's 3:30 on a school day, don't let that deter you. After your roomate answers the door with a surprised look and tired eyes, walk in and begin rambling about the drunken stories you've acquired over the night. Make sure you are ready to fire out any drunken one-liners should the conversation wane, otherwise someone might suggest that everyone leave to let him sleep. Use phrases such as "wow I spent $180 at the bar tonight!" or "Yo I met these two Hatian guys at the bar, they were awesome, they are gonna come over and hang out sometime, I gave them my number." Be sure to cover all the nights events before you declare that you are going to bed, and leave all your drunk friends in his room for him to deal with. He'll find a way to subtly tell them that he needs to go to bed . . . well maybe it's not the best idea, but thats what Bregman would do.
- Situation: Your intoxicated and you've made a lot of money the night prior, most likely through playing poker. Someone questions your reasoning for making a high priced wager about something trivial such as how many times you can curl a barbell.
Question: What do you do to justify your bet?
Answer: You go off on a tangent about how much money means nothing to you. Then proceed to burn $60 dollars and set off the smoke alarm to prove your point . . . well maybe it's not the best idea, but thats what Bregman would do.
- Situation: You and your friend buy a bottle of whiskey to enjoy at your friend's birthday party. After finishing the bottle in record time you notice that there is also no beer left.
Question: What is your next course or action?
Answer: Search your friend's house for any sign of alcohol. If you find any consumable alcohol, drink it. If you dont, or you finish that too soon, go on to the secondary liquors such as vermouth and triple-sec. When your friend demands you for another shot, offer him the vermouth, he won't know the difference . . . well maybe it's not the best idea, but thats what Bregman would do.
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