Belated Blogging
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: BBC news election coverage. All day, all the time. I'm a masochist.
Topic: Stephen Says
No news is good news, so to speak. But no news makes for light blogging, unfortunately. I received a phone call from Elisabeth this morning and she?s landed in Hong Kong safe and sound after a 12 hour flight. I?ve managed to survive her departure with the help of Gene Wilder & Richard Pryor in Stir Crazy. Elisabeth saw Meet the Fockers on her flight.

Um, nothing else. Dell has finally refunded the money that they stole from me. It took two months of stupidity and useless call center workers with a dodgy knowledge of English but the money is back and just in the nick of time, since I had to pay my Visa bill yesterday. Thank God. Now our debts are ones we?ve legitimately accrued.

Nothing else going on. All quiet on the western front.

Elisabeth?s got the digital camera & her company?s decked her out with a modern ell phone with a built in camera, so hopefully she?ll get to a computer in the next few days and post something more exciting than what I?m likely to post.

British politicians (A poem)
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: A British politician
Topic: Stephen Says
I just want to say that I really hate British politicians.
All of them.
With their pompous diction and their belief that if they enounciate every sylable and speak at a heightened level,
bordering on that of a panicky house wife,
that they will appear stong and sincere.
Their encyclopedic knowledge of the most pointless statistic and their utter inability to give a strightfordward answer to the simplist of questions.
Their constant and planned out confusion of the words "I," "We (As in 'we the party'," and "We (As in 'We the people.)" to protect themselves from the legal ramifications of their speeches.
Three more weeks of this stupid campaign?
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Thank God the pancakes are ready now. Yum yum.

(Sorry - bad spellings of words. No glasses & no food & 1/2 a cup of coffee makes blogging hard work. Which was the whole point of this stupid rant - some asshole politician said that Blogging was a very complex and difficult thing to do and that is why if won't catch on. What a maroon.

OOps! Forgot to post a title for this blog entry!
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Grand Buffet - Pittsburgh Hearts & Cigarette Beach
Topic: Stephen Says
Righty-ho, I'm wrestling the blog away from Elisabeth's sweaty little fingers. She hasn't been reading her book too much in the last few days so she's had little to rant about. I've been puttering around being the good house-husband cooking and cleaning the place (Including the flats windows - probably the 1st time they're been cleaned. Ever.) Slowly, slowly, my job will begin. I swear. Really I do.

We saw The Ipcress File last night (It came free with a magazine) and we were suitably impressed. A little dated but still enjoyable. But then, it's hard for cold war spy thrillers not to be. The reason why I mention it is that it has the most realistic example of grocery shopping in England that I've ever seen. It's absolutely brilliant. Worth the price of admission alone.

I'm going to have to find a way to edit together a video made up of clips from movies and TV shows that depict 'The Real England.' So far my video would contain:

a) The shopping scene in Ipcress,
b) The pub scenes in Straw Dogs,
c) The maypole song & dance in Wicker Man, and
d) Every single episode of The League of Gentlemen.

Scary stuff.

Anyway, we're off to the market now to revel in Woking's town center. We're out of coffee; a crisis more pressing than the whole of the Middle East.

Here's a link to entertain yourselves. Jenn, I was going to e-mail it to you and Mark but thought it was better to put it here; Sean you'll probably get a kick out it. Anyway, make sure that Markus peeps it as well.

Winging It
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: StacK ATtacK
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries
It is almost the weekend, yay! Things that have happened this week: we've discoverd how broke and in debt we still are, so we must cut back on the spending for the rest of the month. Luckily I will be in China this time next week, being treated better then, well ever I expect!

Meanwhile, Stephen being off from the bookstore this week, has been preparing our "poverty" meals, like Chili (8 meals) and pasta. I have been cycling to work, even in the rain yesterday. My supervisor had to dig out the space heater to help dry my clothes. Even though I was soaking wet when I arrived at work, it was a very satisfying cycle...you know, being right there in the elements.

So this weekend, I think we'll be laying pretty low...

New topic: Spring in England...from what we can see from our non-automotive perspective, the greens are greener than green, the flowers are full and vibrant, and generally people are perkier.

In my last blog I was perhaps a bit unfair to the English, and only presented apsects of the culture that infuriate me. So today for the sake of fairness and balance, here are some things that are good about England:

1. Their commitment to linguistics.
2. Their passion for gardening.
3. They are very careful about their appearance.
4. Their sense of humour
5. A pub every 5 miles.
6. The abundence of green spaces
7. Numerous local farms
8. YOU ADD SOMETHING...

"Watching the English" tm
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Bjork (Debut)
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries
Right...Monday is just about over. It was a beautiful day today...18 degrees...clear sky...high ceiling...low humidity...intermittently sunny...perfect.

Unfortunately I could not bike to work today because I was forced to leave my bicycle there over the weekend, so I could free my hands to bring home an electric drill. With that drill we installed our beautiful new curtains, which frankly make me feel like a new person. Those ugly mouldy, water-stained orange drapes were just weighing on my mind like a gorilla.

Stephen is playing D & D tonight, so I have some time to read "Watching the English" that he bought for me on his last day at work (see yesterday's entry). I finished THE AMBER SPYGLASS (the 3rd of the Philip Pullman Trilogy) and felt thoroughly satisfied. My eyes were not dry, but then I cry at most things emotional either happy or sad. Weird girly thing I'm pretty sure.

The key to this new book is in the second part of the title: the HIDDEN rules of English Behaviour.

Basically, Kate Fox is an English Anthropologist at a research school in Oxford. She is trained to identify the hidden codes and mores of cultures.

The very fact the Fox examines the rhymes and reasons of the English people is a taboo in itself. I almost feel ashamed to be reading the book on the train, in case some Nosy Parker glances at the cover and feels embarrassed that I'm reading about all their secrets. Because there are a lot of secrets.

For one, they pride their ability to master emotion, harness honesty, and guard their private lives while ripping everyone else's open.

What makes looking at English behaviour unique is that whereas most behaviours of any given culture are done unconsciously, such as wearing baseball caps or being friendly to strangers, the English are usually very aware of their behaviour at all times, but are simply unaware of how illogical it all is.

For instance, when meeting new people "...the English do not want to know your name, or tell you theirs, until a much greater degree of intimacy has been established..." And of course not all English people are this way, and if you feel you need to qualify how she defines "the English" read her introduction, because she makes a very strong argument based on her sound research that these rules apply to the majority of people living in England.

And most English therefore, subscribe to the unwritten rule that the weather is mentioned as a greeting, as an ice-breaker, and as conversational filler. With so many uses for weather-talk, it is also useful to know this rule: "Always agree" If someone says "Ooh it's chilly today" (and to a Canadian this couldn't be farther from the truth) and you disagree, even mildly, this "is a serious breach of etiquette." If you do, "you will find the atmosphere becomes rather tense and awkward, and possibly somewhat huffy." She goes on to point out that the English Weather is one of few things about which the English are unashamedly patriotic. They treat it like a member of their family...the English can moan about it, but outsiders certainly cannot! They don't take to comparison to other climates, as "Size...isn't everything, and the English weather requires an appreciation of subtle changes and understated nuances, rather than a vulgar obsession with mere volume and magnitude."

I.e.---the English are petty and unreasonable.

Now everything is starting to fall into place...why English people don't take too kindly to us Canadians here at Rexcats. We're vulgar, honest, and "gasp" we like to express ourselves freely!

Already today I tried the new etiquette techniques, and saw them working.

Doubtless there will be more quotes from this book as time goes on.

Happy End of Monday!

Can't think of no stinkin' title
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Charlie Chesterman - From the Book of Flames
Topic: Stephen Says
I survived my first major clothes shop in England today. It was relatively painless, really. Elisabeth and I puttered about and looked at clothes and I tried them on, feeling smugly superior to the gentleman who was begging his wife to come into the changing room to help him tell if his shirt fitted. She rightly pointed out that it was a men's changing room and couldn't help him sort out if the shirt was too tight across his chest or not. He would just have to figure it out himself.

Anyway, a few trousers and some shirts later and Elisabeth says that I look like a man now and not a guy rapidly approaching 30 who refuses to grow up. I won't be sleeping well tonight.

Todays point of high stress was when we tried to install a curtain rod & curtains. I couldn't measure out where I was supposed to drill the holes to make everything straight (Elisabeth did that) and Elisabeth was afraid to use the drill, so I got to wreck install things. [Actually, the contraption that I used wasn't a drill but an electric screwdriver that I managed to fit a drill bit onto and then just pressed really hard against the wall.] All this was to the dramatic background music of Yobbo & his girl having one hell of a fight. Yobbo is a rhetorical philosopher, it seems, as he was quite keen to stress that "You mean nothing to me! Love? Nothing! Women? Nothing! Children? Nothing!" Quite an intellectual capactiy for argument and debate he has, let me tell you!

We also put up a framed Klimt print from Elisabeth's company and I got to vaccum up the mess. I'm blogging now while Elisabeth irons. She's also preparing a new dish for dinner tonight: vegetable and cashew currey with sweet potato & coconut milk. I'm not at the bookstore anymore so, alas, no more strange but true tales. *sigh* Anyhow, the flat looks quite nice. It's lighter now without the oppressive weirdness of the orange/pink curtain coated with mold, mildew & water stains.

Finally, a book that EVERYONE should read: Watching the English: The hidden rules of English behaviour by Kate Fox. It's an anthropological study of the British by a Brit. It's well researched & funny & very informative. It's shameful the degree of major faux pas' we've made. And we're still on the first chapter. Who could have known that there were so many intricasies to discussig the weather???

Crimewatch!
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Mr. Bungle - California
Topic: Stephen Says
1 day left at the bookstore and I have the following tales of true crime to report:

(1) Earlier this week, a cunning robbery was carried out at the Staines branch (Staines: Linoleum capital of Great Britain), where two [As it turns out, one] whole SHELVES of BBC spoken word comedy CD's were stolen. We've been told not to accept any 'returns' of CD's of their ilk without a receipt as proof of purchase. Police are looking for good humoured people with a near encyclopedic knowledge of every episode of Black Adder, The Goon Show & Fawlty Towers.

(2) Due to excessive dodgyness, we've had to stop accepting exchanges by a group of people who want to continuously return & exchange crime novels without receipts. This one's a bit harder to explain; they exchange 4 crime novels for new and/or the same novels with no method to their madness. Then exchange them for 4 more a few days later. The returned books are in perfect condition except for the fact that someone has folded the cover all the way back. I want to beleive it's some kind of frat-boy prank but who knows - it's Woking, after all.

1 more Year to Thirty
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Arsenal vs. Manchester
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries
Someone is 29!! Here are the highlights:

Still young at heart the night before his b-day:)

And here's what a 29 year old looks like:

Until he gets into his cups that is:

Happy Birthday Stephen! (And P.S: don't eat 2 deep dish pizzas for lunch, and expect to be able to eat a large Dominos pizza for dinner as well. Especially not when you have also eaten a bag of licorice candy, and pack after pack of Fizzles)

Hip Hip Horay
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Mitch Benn's Crimes Against Music
Topic: Stephen Says
Elisabeth has once again reminded me why I love & married her and sorted out those theiving turd-monkeys over at Dell. It looks like, at long last, they're going to give us back our 381.88 pounds. I'm aware that we probably haven't really blogged about the whole Dell stupidity but it's been so infuriating and soul destroying that, up until this minute I haven't been able to deal with the issue in public without spazzing out. Big time.

I doubt I'll be at the bookstore much longer either; I've received my background check that has confirmed that I have no prior of pending criminal convictions and that I am not a threat to at-risk adults. So the good news is that I'll be starting my 'real' job soon. The bad news is that my street cred is ruined.

So with that in mind, I'll tell a story or three:

"I'm looking for a book. I don't know it's title or it's author but it's about bees."
"Is it a children's book?"
"No."
"Is it fiction? Natural history?"
"I don't know. Look, it's been featured on the television. It's been written about in the papers!"
"If you can tell me which papers or channels, I can look it up."
"Well how should I know which one's!"

Or how about this one?

"I'm looking for a map and I won't order one. I need to see it before I buy it. It's a map of Egypt. More specifically, Alexandria. ... Well?"

Or how about this one? (Granted, it's a blast from the past but I must obey The Rule of Three.)

"You HAVE to sell posters of horse anatomy! You sell books about horses, after all!"

I must be getting old
Now Playing: Some tacky Fats Waller wannabe show music
Topic: Stephen Says
Or else I'm not sleeping enough. This morning I washed my face with hair gel by accident. Elisabeth is cooking a quiche for tomorrow as I type. The benefits of going to the pub with your co-workers on a Friday night: another week or two at the bookstore. One would think that would mean more money, but Barclay's bank won't get involved in the whole afair of Dell charging me almost 400 pounds for some non-existant repairs. I'm desperate - does anyone have any advice? The only people who I can ever seem to talk to are call centre jockeys in India who don't give a rats ass about my problems. Tomorrow E&I are going to try a tri-pronged attack with me going after the bank and her going after Dell but, uh, my advice to all you computer users out there is DELL SUCKS. BOO DELL YOU CHEAP MONEY GRUBBERS. (Sorry; I'm trying to influence the ads at the top out the page.)

Bluh. I don't have anything to say - just wanted to blog. Elisabeth is the reigning blog queen at the moment.