ENOUGH!
Topic: Stephen Says
Enough about Stephen barfing stories!!!
Or post yours here.
Or, even better, DON'T!!
I'm all grown up now, yuh hear?

blah blah
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Bad Religion - Stranger Than Fiction
Topic: Stephen Says
Well, Elisabeth don't lie - I've just gotten back from a long time away at work and I'm suitably disgusted by the imminent arrival of Starbucks. On the other hand, I'm happy to say that, thus far, 1,100 hand prints have been collected this week, leaving a mere 138,900 hand prints to go before before Woking can be oh so gloriously entered into the Great Book of Guiness.

This is scary.

So we've picked up the 1st season of Green Wing... I reccomend that all you who aren't able to watch it on TV or buy it on DVD to start downloading episodes... It's kinda like League of Gentlemen except it's in a hospital not a village. And it's basically a sex farce as opposed to a horror.

A big tut-tut goes out to Elisabeth for not constantly saturating our blog with praise to Stephen Colbert.

I suppose my Motorhead t-shirt has, mildly, had the diesired effect that I wanted it to - coming home today the homeless and/or man with mental health problems I pass by all the time and say hi to shouted out 'highway 66!' 'Motorhead!' at me and gave me that heavy metal sign (The devil? The crane?? What's it called??? You know - thumb, index, pinkie fingers all up????). I just smiled and said 'hi,' instantly regretting that I didn't shout 'Ace of Spades!' back at him. It still doesn't hide the fact that I'm a 30 year old man groping at the last threads of his youth.

My wedding tie arrived as well. So now I actually own a product that comes from Cyberdog. I fear for my sanity.

An Inconvenient Truth
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries

Today I came across the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" for the first time. Opening May 24, it's Al Gore taking America on Hollywood-style to alert them to the global warming crisis.

See the trailer:

An Inconvenient Truth-trailer

And check out the website (just turn the annoying music off so you can explore!):

Climate Crisis

I wonder if it will work?

Chocolate, Cavas. Cheese and Olives
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: BBC4
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries
Stephen got us a CD/DVD burner! Yay! This weekend I'll explore the world that is technology. Stephen's also on a sleep-in tonight leaving me dangerously alone with the new machine.

So Woking is getting a Starbucks. I just saw the signs "coming soon" "now recruiting". And opening just across from an independent coffee shop (at least I think it is--

Well, just another place to boycott.

It's sunny in England finally! And my limey skin says not a minute too soon!

Wednesday Blogging Stuff
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Totally 80's
Topic: Stephen Says
So I've got 2 days off work and I get a text at 7AM from my boss saying that I need to buy a copy of the Telegraph and turn to page 13 and I will be shocked. So I did. This is the shocking article on PAGE 13. Sylvia is Snowdon's purchaser and arranges all our finances she's really nice and likes us and puts the fear of God into everyone else and, it seems, has quite an interesting criminal background. I kind of like it, actually. It fits with the general vibe of the project and hopeflly she won't lose her job because then we'll have to be nice to people instead of relying her to make poo their pants when we need to kick some ass.

Your Stephen Colbert link of the day.

Nothing else going on but I did, at long last, buy my tie for all the weddings E&I are going to this summer. Yay.

All colbert all the time
Now Playing: Babe, I'm on Fire ... for the next 15 minutes...
Topic: Stephen Says
Crooks & Liars
Billmon
More coming: relentlessly & often.

Purple Broccoli?
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: BBC4-Interview with Alan Alda
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries

Received the weekly organic box today from Able & Cole.

I never realized that broccoli could be purple:

And the taste!

more crap
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Elisabeth goin' thumpa thumpa on the ol' pi-an-o
Topic: Stephen Says
We just saw The Yes Men which almost made me pee myself so much that I still feel damp... They embody what I wish I was. Except for the gay thing - I'm happy with Elisabeth - she's man enough for me... besides, I'm alreay a lesbian's 'girlfriend.' Help.

Actually, it's not so bad if you ask me... There's lots of hand holding and she doesn't make obscure demands. If only I hand the right kind of implants.

Not the kind that the Yes Men have
(Though I'm not bragging...)

Anyway, see the movie and tell me whree I can see the 1st 1/2 of the video I linked to below. It's important stuff.

Um, ignore the above. I'm embarassed. More embarassed than doing the robot with a belly dancer.

London Crawling
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Elisabeth's Entries
It's Sunday morning and after a good lie-in I feel recovered from our 24hrs in London.

The long story: we left our apartment at 6:00pm. Our destination was the Comfort Inn at Harrow so we could drop off our belongings before going to Bombay Dreams in Wembley.

Stephen was wearing dress pants, dress shoes, a blue botton-up shirt and a TIE. I wore a new black pleated skirt (only 45 GBP at House of Fraser marked down from 180 GBP- nice!), black top, black tights, black shoes.

We bought two travel cards, and were on our way to Waterloo, which is usually only 30-40 min.

It took us 2 hours to get to Harrow:

But generally we were impressed by how far the tube system extends, and we found ourselves up in north London suburbia. We arrived at the hotel at 8pm, and had 1 hour to get 5km on public transport. We then realized that Harrow & Wembley Central were on different tube lines, and decided to take a bus, only the bus we needed to take didn't appear to have a bus stop, and there were no information officers, so we had to back track on the tubes to a connecting station, and ended up travelling for another hour on the tube to get to Wembley. Stephen getting anxious. Lesson learned: when in doubt, take a cab.

We arrived at Bombay Dreams, were not frisked for some reason (Stephen had a knife on him to boot) and were greeted by Stephen's co-worker who's birthday we were celebrating. She was dressed beautifully in a sari with jewels on her forehead and exotic make-up. I didn't recognize her. The venue was a medium-size hall that was filled with group tables, a dance floor and bar. Decorations were drapped cloth & chandeliers. There was live asian music and we were two of four white people there.

As is customary, no one is served food until all of the guests have arrived. So we all sat waiting, smoking, drinking wine or non-alcoholic beverages.

The entertainment encouraged people to dance, but tradition is that no one dances until the oldest dance first.

Then a belly dancer (not asian, but Turkish as was pointed out to us) came on the scene. After performing a couple songs, she made her way through all the tables. I pointed to Stephen and she made her way over. Stephen got up and instead of dancing with the lady, started doing "the robot" with his back to her. I mean what the hell was he thinking?!

A hookah pipe was introduced, strawberry.

The food finally arrived, and was delicious. As soon as we finished eating, the dancing started -great for digestion...And so the evening went on.

We left around 1am, and the restaurant staff insisted on calling a cab for us. It turns out they called one of their friends and not a proper cab driver, and we were massively overcharged. But who cares. Lesson learned: when in doubt, call a cab, yourself, and always ask how much the fare will be before you set out.

The hotel seemed to be empty, until we found our room (after a maze of corridors and stairs) and found the only other guests were a gentleman and a prostitute who were enjoying the room next to ours. We could hear them before we even got into our room. It was very strange, they liked role-play and talking a lot. Our room was dusty, smokey, and the bed felt rather unclean.

Nevertheless, we slept until 8:30am. We decided to spend Saturday in Camden market (which is nowhere near Harrow) and that we would wait to eat breakfast when we got there. Good thinking! It only took us an hour to get there!

NOTE: Weekends and Bank Holidays are prime time for public transport engineering works. Stephen sums this up very well "This proves that London is geared towards making businesses run efficiently, and doesn't care about tourists or anyone else."

See if you can come up with a way to get from station: Harrow-on-hill to Camden Town with the following restrictions:

1. The metropolitan line is closed between Wembly Park and Liverpool street.

2. The Circle, District and Metropolitan line are closed Eastbound from Baker Street to Liverpool Street.

3. The Northern line is closed from Camden Town to Kennington. Remember: there are two tracks on the Northern Line.

How do you get to Camden Town? Note: you're hungry and hung-over and only learn of the closures when you arrived at the next tube station...and go.

A map of the tube

Long and the short: we used the bus in the end, which has resulted in a tranport epiphany. I will never go back to tubes again! The buses are quick and reliable! Plus you're above ground (and sometimes on the top of a double-decker) and can sight-see.

There was a great reward when we finally arrived in Camden as we found the best breakfast we've had in England at Solo. Mmm.

We spent the day wandering around, then went to Tottenham court: yes, by bus...but finding the right bus, and which bus stop to catch the right was is a whole other story...yikes...and then wandered around soho a bit. A highlight was when a pigeon dropped out of the sky and splatted in the road. Thank god it didn't fall on my head. Then a car ran over it and I heard the air pop out of it. Absolutely revolting.

We soon found ourselves at a pub near Carnaby street, had lunch, then headed home where I promptly devoured a bag of M&ms.

I can't stress how much the tube sucks.

Today is the day of rest, so not sure about the day's blogability. Stay tuned...

Weekend Update
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: The mis-Education of Lauren Hill
Topic: Stephen Says
First things first: This article is pretty funny but scary and sad at the end where it describes Bush making fun of himself. Does he think that acting like an idiot on purpose is funny? Besides, that's the same joke he's been telling for years. There's a video of the shenanigans here, as well.

Now for the important stuff: The sex shop WILL be going ahead in Woking. So long as they sell LEGAL porn (imagine!), have double-doors at the entrance so that shoppers & passer-by's can't see inside, that they don't advertise through 'media' and handouts and that they set up security cameras! Good Lord, I believe that a sex shop in Woking is mentioned in the book of Revelations to coincide with the breaking of the 4th seal. The Rapture really is upon us!

That said, I've just realized that I can buy creamy chocolate penises at our local joke shop (Is the Church aware of this travisty???) so I know what I'll be having for lunch.

On a serious note, we really noticed what a small town vibe Woking has when compared to London. Everyone's so, I don't know, small town & suburban. Well, the youth is. It's hard to explain but when kids try to pull off punk on Woking, it's forced and trendy. When kids do it in London, it's still trendy but just better...

It's too early in the morning to be blogging & my freezer pizza is tempting me.

On Monday, Woking is going to try and get into the Guiness Book of World Records by gathering 140,000 HAND PRINTS over the next year. Then join them all together. And wrap them around an art gallery. Germany holds the current record with 119,537 hand prints. E&I are going to go. The radio station's going to be there, as will a children's presenter from TV. Can't wait.

Woking: Bringing culture to you in ways you never expected.