Seizure Disorders

I have not mentioned this to much on this page but someone reminded me that I should not be ashamed of who I am. I have Epelipsy and because of it I am on disability. I use to be very ashamed of this fact. I could not justify my reasoning for being home all day. Many relatives and friends would always aks what I was going to do for work. Because I look healthy on the outside does not mean I am healthy on the inside. I was embarassed to tell others that I was not just in deep thought but that I was actually having seiures and I could not pull myself out of it. I wanted desperatly to hold down a good job to make something of myself. I am not looking for any self pitty from anyone. But what a lot of people did not know was that their were days that I had seizures all night long and when morning came I could not even get out of bed because my body had been through a roller coaster ride all night. To get up and then perform a full time job in this condition was impossible for me. And the lack of sleep was causing more seizures during the day. It was a no win situtation. Because my disability is on the inside (mostly) noone believes I even have one. But I wish they coulf experience what I feel when I have a seizure, or have had them all night long, and can't even crawl out of bed in the morning. It is not an easy thing to deal with every day of your life. Or to know that you can not drive yourself where you need to go. Always having to have a ride somewhere when you are an adult is a major depression to me. I feel like I am so worhtless. Not being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it is a hard daily reality I face. I just wanted others to understand that I was not just staying at home and sleeping all day but that I was having medical problems. But when I tried to explain to them. The look on their face said it all. They saw what appeared to be a healthy person in front of them and no exuces would change their mind about me. So I just decided to not even try to explain myself anymore. Depression set in and I really gave up on life and the ability to care about myself as a worth while human being. The medication began to make me gain weight and that didn't help either. But after a while of adjusting I became stable and have been seizure free for a while now. My friends and family are still a little confused about my seizure disorder but they are becoming more accepting as time goes by.

Always remember.....

• Take your medication regularly.
• Many people have seizure disorders.
• You are not a bad person because of this.
• You are not Alone!

Links to help you understand your seizure disorder

Epilepsy Foundation
Seizure Disorders In Children
Home pages of others with Seizure disorders (under construction)
Home

Email: demabin@ccia.com