i smile, but my heart's not there
there's a sense of loneliness that i just can't bare
my mind tells me i'm happy
but my heart just isn't there
my friends all tell me things are okay
if only deep down the feelings were the same
this loneliness is something i just can't bare
something in me tells me that no one's there
i'm all alone
with friends everywhere
what do i do with all this loneliness that i care
how do you fight something this strong
how do you tell you heart that you're not alone
that people are there
that they really do care
how do i get back to where life was all fine
back to where tomorrow is the only problem
she can't cry anymore
for there's been too many tears
too much hurt
and, so much pain
that they've fled so long ago
there's nothing left to take the pain
yet all the memories still remain
physical and mental bruises left unnamed
no one seems to understand
she feels alone in no man's land
her friends all think her life's alright
they'll never know the secrets she keeps
she fears that someday she'll be found
found with scars all up and down her arms
"it takes the pain," she'd plead
"there are my tears."
~on cutting
she never got to see the flowers bloom
never got to hear the sleigh bells ring
she'll miss so much
like all the simple things we miss
simply because of a careless mistake
or one heartless decision
she may forever be in your heart
yet never in your sight
you'll never see her wedding
or hold her child in your arms
you'll live with this forever
ever turning in your gut
reminding you of what you've done
there's no way around it
inside you she was alive
kicking and growing
until her early demise
hopefully you'll see her in heaven someday
one thing though
how will you know it's her?
~on abortion
most people take the heart for granted
meaninglessly romancing
not caring who they hurt
or how much hurt was left before
what happens if they go too far?
do they know what could be done?
such a simple, delicate thing
no one ever thinks of that
~just how i felt at the time...
she's lived in secret
lying to everyone she meets
and no matter what she said
they'd always believe
but when the nighttime comes then only she'd see
the marks on her legs
the scars on her arms
still everyone believed her that nothing was wrong
the lies she's lead
the hurt she's caused
made everyone believe that nothing was wrong
then one day the truth came out
everyone found out what she was really about
most couldn't understand why she'd do it
most of the time she couldn't give a solid answer
simply takes the pain
makes me feel in control
the blood is my tears
even after her explanation
no one wanted to believe what she'd done
so they believed that nothing was wrong
everything around me's fake
nothing's ever real
this life i'm leading is just a stage
like the happy image i try to hold
i'll never be the upbeat person i once was
all that's left in the image in everyone's head
how could anything be wrong?
this girl has always been so bright
if only they knew would i did at night
the marks on my body would prove to them, nothing's right
so much pain runs through my viens
feeling like nothing will ever change
my life's a mess
and no one can bring me back from the pain i've felt
my heart's in shambles
my mind's a mess
more and more
nothing's right
nothing's ever real
the smile on her face was nothing close to real
and the tears in her eyes were nothing close to fake
yet the smile powered the day
as the tears powered the night
everyone saw a cheerful girl
no one saw the mislead heart
unguided trust
lost soul
no one believed that she was depressed
they blew it off as pms
yet when nighttime came
the pillow knew what she was going through
everyone blew if off as a phase
she'd be alright in a couple of days
only when the tear streaks faded
lifelong scars, soon arose
only to be hidden by long sleeves and jeans
no one knew the pain she felt
no one understands what she's going through
worst off
no one's there to help her through
