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I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know
that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of
change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here
to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to
tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up
this phone, and then show these people what you don't
want them to see. I'm going to show them a world
without you. A world without rules or controls,
borders or boundaries. A world where anything is
possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave
to you.
Live moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.
Things will happen in your life that you can’t stop. But that’s no reason to shut out the world.
Are you hinting my apples aren’t what they ought to be?
All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it… or a small hose… as long as it works.
Carl: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the
Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they
give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the
first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand
foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga,
gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little
something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on
your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Grim Reaper: Englishmen, you're all so fucking pompous. None of you have got any balls!
Men and women can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can. This is an
amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted.
…That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you
need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and
why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no its not true, nothing is missing from our
relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attached to the person you're just
friends with, which you probably are. I mean come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back
to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.
Slider: Goose who's butt did you kiss to get in here anyway?
Maverick: She's lost that loving feeling.
Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a
penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would
womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would
accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My
childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent,
I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all
the time. It's just not worth it.
Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks.
There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
