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TV Quotes
Scully: Oh my God, Mulder. It smells like... I think it's bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
~ X-Files
Mulder: One girl was just abducted.
Scully: Kidnapped.
Mulder: Puh-tay-toe, puh-tah-toe.
~ X-Files
Scully: Fox...
Mulder: I even made my parents call me Mulder.
Scully: Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you.
Mulder: If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love.
Scully: Must be fate, Mulder. Rootbeer.
~ X-Files
Elaine: He said he'd give me a lift.
Jerry: Ah, the lift. Like the lure of the siren's song, never what it seems to be, yet who
among us can resist?
~Seinfeld
Jerry: So go to a clinic, get your sperm count checked.
Kramer: Yeah, but then I'd have to - you know - into a cup in the middle of the day!
Elaine: Does that conflict with your regular schedule?
~ Seinfeld
People don't turn down money. It's what separates us from the animals.
~Seinfeld
Sleep is separate from That, and I don't see how sleep got all tied up and connected with That.
~ Seinfeld
George: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli...
~ Seinfeld
I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!
~ Homer Simpsons
Bart: I guess we could go to Martin's party.
Milhouse: I don't know. If we're seen there, it will definitely take our social standing down a notch.
Bart: We're what now, three?
Milhouse: Three and a half. We get beat up, but we get an explanation.
~The Simpsons
Lisa: You don't have the intelligence to rig an election by yourself, do you?
Bart: You were just Barlow's lackey.
Lisa: You were Ronny to his Nancy!
Bart: Sonny to his Cher!
Lisa: Ringo to his rest of the Beatles!
Sideshow Bob: Enough! Lies, lies, lies! I did it! I did it all!! There.
Bart: We want the truth!
Bob: You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
~The Simpsons
Jerry: I mean really, what is the big deal? We go in there, we're in there for a while, then we come back out here. That's not complicated.
~Seinfeld
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but if you replace the P with an O, my name would be Oinky, wouldn't it?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Well, I think so Brain, but balancing a family, and a career? Ooh, it's all too much for me.
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Well, I think so Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Well, I think so Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels.
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby.
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but why would anyone want a depressed tounge?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Um... I think so, Brain, but what if the chicken won't wear the nylons?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but if Jimmy cracked corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
The Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
Pinky: Wha, I think so Brain, but-- *snort* No, no, it's too stupid.
The Brain: We will disguise ourselves as a cow!
Pinky: Narf! That was it *exactly*!
~ Pinky and the Brain
Announcer: And now for the stock market report by Exchange Telegraph.
Reporter: Trading was crisp at the start of the day, with some brisk business on the floor. Rubber hardened and string remained confident. Little bits of tin consolidated, although biscuits sank after an early gain and stools remained anonymous. Armpits rallied well after a poor start. Nipples rose dramatically during the morning but had declined by mid afternoon, while teeth clenched and buttocks remained firm. Small dark furry things increased severely on the floor, whilst rude jellies wobbled up and down and bounced against rising thighs which had spread to all parts of the country by mid afternoon. After lunch, naughty things dipped sharply, forcing giblets upwards with the nicky nacky noo. Ting tang tong rankled dithely, little tipples pooped and poppy things went pong. Gibble gabble gobble went the rickety rackety roo...
~Monty Python's Flying Circus
Jerry: All right. How 'bout this one: let's say you're
abducted by aliens.
George: Fine.
Jerry: They haul you aboard the mother ship, take you
back to their planet as a curiosity. Now:would you
rather be in their zoo, or their circus?
George: I gotta go zoo. I feel like I could set more
of my own schedule.
Jerry: But in the circus you get to ride around in the
train, see the whole planet!
George: I'm wearing a little hat, I'm jumping through
fire.. They're putting their little alien heads in my
mouth...
Jerry: At least it's show business...
George: But in the zoo, you know, they might, put a
woman in there with me to, uh... you know, get me to
mate.
Jerry: What if she's got no interest in you?
George: Then I'm pretty much where I am now. At least
I got to take a ride on a spaceship.
~ Seinfeld
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