The next thing I remember was being walked into our house, Blake holding my hand, and my mother opening the door for us. The doctor was there too, he wanted to talk to me in a familiar environment. As if anything was familiar. Blake sat down next to me on the couch and the doctor sat in an arm chair, facing us. "What you have, is something we call selective amnesia."
"And that would be?" I asked, suddenly feeling annoyed. I hated being diagnosed by a stranger.
"You're blocking out things that you don't want to remember, things in your past that may be painful. We think that the reason you're remembering Blake is because you're so close to him."
"Who's we?"
"Myself, and your mother."
"Her?" I asked, pointing at the tall woman who was standing a comfortable distance away from us.
"I'd like you to refer to her as ‘mom' and I would like you to talk to your other brothers and sisters on the phone until you begin to remember. Also, if she has any close friends that may be of help..."
Blake spoke up, tightening his grip on my hand. "Taylor. She'll remember Taylor."
I looked at him and shook my head. "No. I don't know who that is."
"Zac? Or Isaac? Jessica, Avery?"
My mother started to cry again, I was beginning to hate that. "She spent so much time with that family in the past. I don't see why she doesn't remember. She even babysat for the girls and Mackenzie when the rest of the family was out. Why doesn't she remember. There's nothing painful there."
"I just don't remember... mom. I can't help that." Why didn't anybody understand? My face hurt, my shoulders ached, and my legs were partially numb. It took me 15 minutes to walk from the car to the house.
My mother gave me an awful look before walking off. I could hear her footsteps on the stairs and her bedroom door slam.
"Ok. So, obviously we have issues." Blake helped me stand up. I didn't know where he was taking me, but before I knew it, I was in my bedroom, laying on my back. "The doctor left. I know he was bugging you. Mom went out. And you have some visitors downstairs that want to see you."
"I want to see them. Who is it?" I asked. Finally things were looking up, I had a chance to remember something good.
"Hang on." Blake walked away and came back with three very tall boys. They all had long hair, beautiful eyes, and great bodies. I could live with that.
"Hey Jess." The tallest of the three bent over to give me a hug. I just hugged him back, having no clue who he was. "Do you remember me?"
"This is Taylor." Blake said, trying to pound it into my head.
I shook my head and almost started to cry when Taylor's expression fell.
"I'm Isaac." The next one smiled as if he'd known me my whole life.
"Hi."
"And that one's..." Isaac pointed to the third boy.
"Zac." I smiled. "Hi."
"You remember me?" Zac looked surprised. He bent over and hugged me, then he kissed my cheek. Luckily it was the one that wasn't sore.
"I remember. But I don't know you guys." I gave them sympathetic looks. I had no idea why I could remember every little detail about Zac, but nothing about his brothers. I couldn't remember anything about their life or how successful they are, and how they took time out of their schedule to come see me. They even canceled their performance at the Jack Frost Premiere. I just couldn't remember. And they told me nothing about it. But I remembered Zac. I remembered his smile and his bear hugs and all the times we would get into food fights.
Taylor looked so sad, as if his whole life was revolving around my remembering him. I wanted to do something, but I had no idea what that could be. I sat up slowly and blinked hard. "I want to go outside."
Blake shook his head right away but I didn't want to listen. I was ready to go outside and try to find familiar things. No matter what they might be. But he wanted to part in it. He said that if I was going to kill myself by over stressing my muscles and straining my brain, then I could do it without him. Fine.
Zac, Taylor, and Isaac walked me to the front door and Zac opened it for me. I was surprised to find a man standing there. Rather short, blue eyes, blonde hair with red highlights... like mine. "Hi." I whispered as I stared into his eyes.
He wrapped his arms around me. "I'm so glad you're ok. I tried to come out here sooner, but I couldn't make it."
I shook my head and pulled away.
"Don't you recognize me? I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, but..."
Taylor whispered to the stranger. "She has amnesia." Something told me that Taylor knew this man, and knew who he was. But I had no clue. "What are you doing here anyway? Why do you care now? You haven't seen her in like.. 10 years. So why now?"
"I know I haven't seen her since she moved. Her mother called me and told me about the accident. So I had to see if she was ok." He put his hand on my sore cheek. "You look awful."
"Gee thanks." I muttered, jerking away.
Zac put his arm around my waist and whispered something into my ear. Something like, "That's your dad."
I shook my head. "Maybe I'm not ready to go outside yet. I wanna go back to my room. Since my mom called you, you can go talk to her. She's in her bedroom." I walked away and went into my room where Blake was sitting, looking at a book. I sat down next to him and stared.
"Who was that downstairs?"
"My dad."
Blake looked at me, shocked. "He's here?"
"I dunno if he's still here. Who's that?" I asked, looking down at the photo's in Blake's book.
He sighed. "That's my family." There were 2 girls, 2 boys, and a tall man.
"Where am I?"
Blake stared into my eyes. "You're my half sister. These are my full siblings. That's my dad. But we have the same mom."
"Then why don't I remember?"
"Because you're blocking out the bad things."
I shrugged, not knowing what he was talking about.
"Don't you get it? I'm younger than you, and we have different dads. But the same mom."
"So that means that our mom... would have had to..."
"Yeah."
I looked away. "I don't remember it at all. But.... I'm still confused about something. I remember you, and that I've always lived with you. But... why don't you live with your dad?"
"Uhm... I think you probably have to remember that yourself."
"But I won't remember it. So just tell me."
"They told me not too. That's the thing you're blocking out. That's why you have to remember it."
"But what else is there to know except that our mom had an affair and we moved. But when? And why?"
"I was 4. You were 6. But I can't tell you anymore, Jessdoll. You have to remember it on your own."
Luckily, one of the boys I'd "met" that afternoon came in then, or else I might have walked out on my own. I was getting so frustrated. Blake left the room so that I could be alone with the visitor.
"Hey." It was the tall one. I'd already forgotten his name.
"Isaac and Zac went back home. They're worried about you. I am too." It was Taylor. I remembered now. He had the sweetest, most caring voice.
"I have a question. If I'm only blocking out bad things... why can't I remember you?"
He sighed and pushed his hair over the top of his head. "I honestly don't know."
"And that bothers you?"
"I guess so. How are you doing, though? Like... anything else really confusing to you?"
I laughed. What did he mean by confusing? The fact that I'm positive I saw them on tv earlier? And why some girl called me asking if I was going out with Hanson. "Everything is confusing."
"Where were you going when you got hit? Blake said that you were running across the street."
I looked down at my bare feet. That part of my memory was hazy. I knew I was going somewhere, somewhere important. All I could picture in my mind was a little stream with tiny purple flowers lining the bank.
"You were going to the creek, weren't you?"
I nodded. It must have been the creek.
I haven't been down there since we got back from.. Our trip. I was thinking about taking you down there, see if you remember anything. But your mom said you're not up to it yet. Can I ask you something?" He was starting to ramble, something was familiar about that.
"Ask away, but I don't know if I can answer."
"It's more of a comment than a question. If the situation was reversed, and I was the won who was hit by that car... I was thinking about the things that I would remember. I know I'd remember my family, possibly not my whole life though, because there may have been some things I've missed out on. But I know I'd remember you."
I laughed. "Oh sure, make me feel bad."
"I'm serious. If there's anything I'd remember about you, it would be how beautiful you are, and how you haven't changed from the last time I saw you."
"When was that?" He kept talking about him going away, but I didn't remember any of it.
"You really don't remember at all?"
"No."
"Well, they told me that if I was going to tell you anything, it should be little things, and that you should piece them together yourself."
I rolled my eyes. "Great."
"Ok... do you remember us singing when we were little?"
I did, vaguely. I nodded.
"Mayfest?"
I nodded again, thoughts were swirling in my head.
"Well, when we were away, we were recording out album, touring, going on tv interviews, stuff like that. Do you remember?"
"So that's why some weird chicks are calling me asking if I'm going out with Hanson?"
"Yeah. That's the name of our band."
"Dude. Well, congratulations." I laughed. "I'm glad you guys made it big."
"So do you remember me now?"
"Nope." I had to be honest. I didn't remember him at all. After he told me about their fame, he kissed my forehead and told me he had to go home. I fell asleep soon after he left.
I had a strange dream that night. It was so vivid, but when I woke up, I hardly remembered any of it. There was arguing, and screaming, and somebody was hitting my mom. Then, there was a gunshot. I woke up to see Blake, laying next to me on the bed.
"You remembered. You were talking in your sleep."
"What did I say." I didn't want him to know that I didn't see any faces in my dream, nor had I remembered any details.
"You told him to stop hitting her. Just like you did when...." I think he noticed my eyes growing wide in anticipation because he gave me a dirty look. "You don't remember."
"I had a strange dream, but there were no details, just screaming, hitting, and a gun."
"You're remembering, but I can't tell you, Jess. I'm not allowed."
I sighed, maybe I'd never know the truth.
My Favorite Web Sites