Taylor sat in the oversized armchair that was positioned in the corner of their large hotel suite. It had ben weeks since he last saw Kat, and he hadn't tried to contact her since. His feet were propped up onto a dresser and he was leaning back, staring off into space. He grumbled to himself again and was just about to close his eyes when a pillow smashed into his face and caused him to jump. "SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled, glaring at the person who had hit him. He hoped it hadn't been his mother, in which case he would have to apologize profusely for his language. Luckily, it was Zac. "What do you want?"
"I want you to get off of your butt and be a human being today." He growled back at him. Taylor had been miserable for the past two days, barely talking to anybody except when he let out random grunts of approval or disapproval on various subjects.
"Go away."
"Nope. Not gonna happen." Zac threw himself on the bed so he was laying on his stomach. "And seriously, if you don't get off of your butt call the girl I'm gonna have to sit on your lap and sing 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' again. Now do you really want that?"
"Ew." Taylor jumped up and reached for his cellphone which was sitting on the end table next to the bed. He quickly dialed, let it ring once, and then hung up. "See, she's not home."
"Slick." Zac rolled his eyes. "Give me the phone."
"NO!" Taylor yelled, but Zac yanked it from his hands. "What's her number?"
Taylor rattled off her phone number in a voice that could only be described as monotone and waited silently while Zac dialed.
1435 miles away, Katerina glared at the phone as it rang once and then stopped. She waited a minute before it rang again. She grabbed the phone and pushed the "talk" button. "Hello?"
"Hey, Kat, it's Zac."
"Uhm. Hi." Katerina sat up in bed and blinked through the darkness. It was morning, how early, she didn't know. Lately she'd been sleeping in until three in the afternoon, not really caring about life. However, even though she'd been sleeping in everyday, she still hadn't been getting more than 2 hours of sleep a night. "What time is it?"
"Eleven. Did I wake you up?"
"Yeah. It's ok though."
"Tay was just wondering how you're doing. Ow." Zac flinched as a pillow came flying across the room, hitting him in the face.
"What did you 'ow' for?"
"He just hit me with a pillow."
"So where are you guys now?"
"L.A. We just finished the MTV Movie Awards last night. We'll be home tonight."
Katerina stayed silent.
"Taylor wants to talk to you."
"So why didn't he call me himself."
Zac glanced at Taylor who was turning bright red and trying to find a way to nonchalantly leave the room. "He did. It rang once and the cellphone died." Zac handed Taylor the phone and smacked him on the arm, threatening him to talk to her.
"Hey." Taylor brought the phone to his ear and almost whispered. "How are you?"
"I'm great. I just had a dream that the Backstreet Boys were trying to kill me**, but I'm great."
Taylor let out a light "heh". "That's funny, the other night I had a dream that NSync was trying to eat me."
"Damn boybands." She paused. "Make that, manufactured man groups. I guess to be a band you have to actually play music. And I don't think you're a boy anymoer when you range in ages from 20 to 30."
"You should write a song about that."
She sighed, not wanting to get into her musical ability, or lack thereof. She actually didn't want to get into anything with Taylor and she found herself growing furious at the fact that he was being so casual after totally ditching her... again. "Why did you call?"
"Zac called."
"You called first."
Taylor sighed. "I wanted you to know I was coming home. I was hoping we could go do something or just hang out."
"Right." She sighed. "Fine."
"So you'll be home tonight?"
"Of course. You don't think I have a life, do you?"
"And you haven't egged my house while I was gone, have you?"
"Funny, Tay." She sighed again and quickly pushed the "talk" button again, ending their conversation. For the next few minutes, she didn't think. She just pushed the button on her stereo remote control, turning to a random song on a random cd. She closed her eyes as the music flowed through the room, and finally, the lyrics hit her like a ton of bricks.
"You'll never see the courage I know. It's color's richness won't appear within your view. I'll never glow the way that you glow. Your presence dominates the judgements made on you. But as the scenery grows I see in different lights, the shades and shadows undulate in my possession. My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights. I understand what I am still too proud to mention to you. You say you understand but you don't understand. You say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye. But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie."
She took a deep breath, waiting for the next chorus. The cd had been in her cd player, along with 200 other cds, for so long but she'd never listened to the whole thing. She always thought of Fiona Apple as a giant flaming ball of hypocritical bullshit, telling interviewers one week that they shouldn't judge her because she's so young, and the next telling them that the reason she didn't like Hanson was because they were so young. But now, listening to the 7th track on her first cd, she found herself almost crying.
"You'll never touch these things that I hold. The skin of my emotion lies beneath my own. You'll never feel the heat of this soul. My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown to you. You'll say don't fear your dreams. It's easier than it seems. You'll say you'll never let me fall from heights so high. But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie.
"You'll never live this life that I live. I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night. You'll nver hear the message I give. You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight. But as the scenery grows I see in different lights, the shades and shadows undulate in my perception. My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights. I realize what I am now to smart to mention to you. You'll you say you understand, you'll never understand. I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why. I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am. You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry. But never is a promise and I never need a lie."****
She pushed repeat on the cd player and listened to it four more times before finally falling back to sleep. She was awakened 3 hours later by an unknown force, calling her to the kitchen to get some food. She hadn't eaten in a few days either. However, she hated to admit that it had anything to do with Taylor. She looked in the fridge and after finding nothing, grabbed her favorite, 600 page book from the kitchen table.
She went out to the front porch and sat down on the steps, opening her book and reading. She quickly became absorbed and before she knew it, 500 pages had been turned. She blinked hard and looked down at her watch. It was 9pm. Apparently, 5 hours had passed, also. She never realized how absorbed she could become in a book, or how easily she could pass time just by thinking. Another hour went by before she finished her book. She sighed and put it down next to her. Then, looking up, she saw him.
"How long have you been there?" She asked, staring, almost glaring at Taylor.
"I just got here, just got home." He stared for a moment before Kat stood up. Her intentions were to go back into the house, but instead, Taylor grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, placing his arms around her waist, hugging her.
Katerina, overcome by a feeling of exhaustion, gave into his hug and leaned forward, hugging him back.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said. He didn't know what else to say. He'd never been so attached to a girl in all his life and he didn't know what to do with his feelings. "Can you come over? We can watch a movie or something."
Kat backed up for a second and nodded. "Just let me get my..." She paused and blinked hard. A wave of dizziness and disorientation came over her and the next thing she knew, she was looking up at Taylor from the sidewalk. "...lipgloss..."
She was confused. Why did he look so worried? Then, she looked around her. "Tay, why am I on the ground?"
Taylor had his arms around her waist, holding her from underneathe. He barely caught her when she fell. "I think you passed out. Are you sick?"
She shook her head and sat up slowly. "I'm fine." She grabbed his shirt and pulled herself up, almost ripping it off of him entirely.
"Ok, uhm, a healthy person wouldn't need to grab a person by their clothes to help themselves up." He paused, noticing how pale she looked, and if it was possible, she looked even thinner than usual. "Have you eaten today?"
She shook her head. "I woke up when you guys called, then I fell asleep again. Then I came out here and I've been out here since."
"So the last time you ate was..."
Kat shrugged. "Thursday?"
Taylor sighed. "Katie... you should eat. And you look really tired. Maybe you should go to bed. I could make you some food. Or we could go out. Or you can go to bed and..."
Katerina laughed. "Tay, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping well and I haven't eaten in a few days. I just..." She trailed off and looked away from him in the direction of his house.
"What?"
She looked back at him and he saw tears in her eyes.
"Katie, what's wrong?"
"I missed you..."
"I... missed you, too. Wait, you mean you haven't slept or eaten because you missed me?"
She shrugged and Taylor felt horrible. He wished he'd called her sooner. "I'm ok though." She reached up and wiped a tear off of her cheek. "Don't worry about me."
"I thought about you everyday." He blushed.
"I thought about you. I tried not to."
Taylor smiled and put his arm around her waist. "Come on, let's go to my house. I'll make you a sandwich and then we can watch a movie."
She nodded but stopped suddenly.
"What?" He asked, concerned she was going to back out.
She stayed silent for a moment before finally speaking. "I've been thinking a lot lately... and... I was really stupid before at your house when you said those wonderful things to me. Nobody has ever said that to me before and it scared the shit out of me."
Taylor nodded. "It's ok... I put you on the spot and I don't expect you to say anything back anymore if you really don't want to. I was just telling you what I felt and I..."
"I love you." She whipsered and almost laughed when he stopped talking abruptly. "I love you." She said louder and then hugged him as tightly as she could.
"I love you, too." He whispered back, running his hand through her long, thick, hair.
** Thanks to Crystal for this awesome quote!
**** "Never is Promise" Fiona Apple
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