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Heather's Webbie
As Piper walked down the stairs semi-conscious towards the kitchen, I rolled off the couch, only to lay limp on the floor before Piper came over to me and put her foot on top of my head.
"Ok ok! I'm awake! I'm getting up," I called out from the carpet.
"Oh, that was your head? I'm sorry, I thought it was a cantaloupe that Nowell had left on the floor," she laughed.
"Nowell? Nowell. Where is he anyway? Wasn't I at his house last night?" The vague memory of last night was cloudy in my mind, so I was hoping that Piper would have some clue.
"He's at his house. Like all normal people are," she hinted, "but he called me about 20 minutes ago and warned me that I would find you on my couch. He said that after the party you two went to, you were a little on the inebriated side of sober. Apparently his parents were expected to come home from their trip and they HATE finding UDPs on their couch. So he led you here, where I told him you could stay."
I stood up and stretched, listening to every vertebrae in my back crack. "You're a doll, Piper. And besides, even if I wasn't ‘inebriated', I would have been here anyway," I laughed. Ever since my parents had gotten into the divorce mode, I enjoyed every moment away from that house that I could. The only way I could get them off my mind, was to be here at Piper's. For as long as I can remember, I'm only happy and my usual self when I'm at Piper's.
"Let's get something to eat. I don't know what but that doesn't mean anything. We'll invent a new food group. Hey, what do you have planned for today anyway?"
"Well, I had planned on getting my hair cut today. I'm sick of this same old style, all one length. I want something that's like.. different. Then I thought we could re-dye our hair."
After we had eaten and got dressed, we went out to the backyard and climbed our tree. It wasn't a very high tree or anything, it was just a place where we could go and just talk. Or not just to talk, just sitting there and watching whatever there was to watch, but somehow, our minds were always saying something, with us knowing it or not. That's why we'll suddenly burst out laughing when everything had been quiet.
"Hey! There's Mr.Nowell and his trusty side-kick," and Piper and I hopped out of the tree as we ran over.
"Hey Piper," Joey said, "I'm on my way to the mall, wanna join me in the day of festivities?"
She looked over to me and asked, "You don't mind if I go with him?"
"No, it's ok, go ahead. It'll give Nowell and me a chance to be together."
"Ok," she smiled, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." After she and Joey had left, Nowell and I went back into the house and sat on the couch. I grabbed the remote and turned on the stereo. Nowell rested his head on my stomach and closed his eyes.
"Tell me a story," he said.
I looked down at him and laughed. "Aren't you a little um.. old?"
"Nope. Well, ok maybe but that doesn't mean anything," he laughed, "just do it."
"I could take that in so many ways.. but anyway. Ok, I have 2 stories so I'll just combine them. Ahem."
"I'm listening."
"I saw a car in a Pizza Parlor one stupid day in the middle of the apocalypse, I got a fart from a transvestite. He told me that there was a new UFO down the street and asked me if I wanted to go. I said, "Of course, you idiot". I met him on the lamp post across the street from the place, which was called "Closed". (Lol!, could Heather be any funnier?) I paused to take a breath, and heard Nowell trying to keep in his laughter. So anyway, "We went inside and the entire place looked as if it were owned by a pimp. We seemed to be the only customers because it was not really there. I said to the man behind the counter, ‘Give me a kiss, big boy!' I received a bad trip (he was doing LSD and gave me some). So I said, ‘excuse me, I'd like a kiss. Now. With a beer. I'm gay,'" in which I said in my funniest voice. Nowell burst out laughing. After he had calmed down, I continued.
"Suddenly, the corpse behind the counter hit me and my friend in the head with a towel. We became a pair of lesbians." I had to stop again because not only was Nowell on the ground laughing, I was laughing too, to the point where breathing was becoming difficult. "When we woke up, we were in a port-a-potty, locked in a car. We both had I.V tubes connected to our butts and there was a table full of sex toys. The person we encountered upstairs was standing there and said, ‘Hahahahahaha! I am locked up, doomed to have barf sessions performed on you!'" I stopped briefly to catch my breath for the next line, "I looked to my shoes and said, ‘next time, write a better plot.'"
I stopped and looked at Nowell again. Was his face turning purple? I think so. I couldn't help but start laughing, again, myself. The story was odd, and I never was the best story teller, so it's impossible to expect a normal story from me.
"Ok, ready for part 2?" Nowell nodded, trying to regain his breath.
"After seeing that I had chewed up my new shoes, I said to myself, ‘I need a drink'. So I went to the moon and back and found jello. I also bought some fake alien poop because I had to walk there naked and there were a lot of pillows on the road. Obviously, I wore the shoes out of the bar. As I was talking down the street towards the toilet, I spotted a really cute talking giant pigeon and went over to talk. I said, ‘Are you gay?' all sexy-like. He said, ‘How did you know?' and promptly jumped me for my body. Now my feet were cold again and my feelings were hurt. So, I walked on him."
"The end." I looked at my watch. "Hey, I gotta go get my hair cut. Wanna come for the drive?" I asked him.
"Only if we don't buy any alien poop. And if you don't talk to any giant pigeons. And.."
"Ok! I promise!" I laughed. "Let's go." And out the door we went, hand in hand.
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Simplicity
Heather's Webbie