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Banta Jokes
Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask God for help. He goes into the temple and begins to
pray "Oh God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't
get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win
the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Banta goes back to the temple "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!!
Back to the temple "God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my
house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the
lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Banta is confronted by the voice of Lord : "OYE BANTA, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
Banta calls Flight Ticketing Office "How long does it take to fly
to Amritsar?" "Just a second," says the representative.
"Thank you." says Banta and hangs up.
Santa and Banta worked in a software company. One day, they were moving their machines to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : My machine has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has
just 250 MB. Can't you carry even that much?
Banta : But yours is empty and my disk is full !!!!
Banta and Santa were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4
hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.
Banta and Santa were walking outside when the Santa said "Oh, look at
the dead bird". Banta looked skyward and said "Where, where?".
Santa and Banta were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta : Yes, I have.
Santa : Well, my father dug it.
Banta : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea?
Santa : Yes, I have.
Banta : Well, my father killed it.
Once a friend of Banta tells him to at least do his graduation. So, Banta
appears for the Bachelors exam. After the question papers are distributed, everyone is busy writing , but Banta starts removing his shirt, trousers and undershirt. Annoyed the examiner yells at him, and asks as to what is he up to? Banta points out to the question paper where it was written "WRITE IN BRIEF".
Once Banta was applying for job. For that he had to fill an application form. It had questions like name, age, sex, address, etc. Banta answered all the questions but he got stuck in sex. He thought for a while and then wrote THRICE A WEEK. When he gave the form to the clerk, she said that under sex he should write MALE/FEMALE. Again, Banta started thinking and finally he wrote PREFERABLY FEMALES.
Banta was appearing for his University final examination which had Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he was all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote".
Once Banta went to London. He went to see the clock tower. While he was looking at it, a man came and asked him what he was looking at. Banta told that its the clock tower. The man asked whether he liked it and is he interested in buying it. Banta asks the price. The man says 500 pounds. Banta gives him 500 pounds. The man tells him to wait there while he gets a ladder to bring the clock down. Banta waits there for hours but the man didn't
come.
After a week Banta goes to the same place. The same man comes and asks the same questions. This time also, he asks for 500 pounds. Banta gives him 500 pounds and says "Last time you fooled me so, this time you wait here and I'll bring the ladder."
Banta saw that his friend Santa was very depressed. He asked what happened. "I lost 800 bucks in a bet yesterday", replied Banta. "How come ?" , asked Santa. "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet". "But thats only 500, where did the rest go ?", asked Santa. "I bet on the highlights too ", replied Banta.
What will Banta do if he wants another sheet of blank paper ?
He will take a photcopy.
What will Banta do after photocopying a document ?
He will check the spelling.
What will Banta do if he sees the sign DONT WALK?
He will run.
Why did Banta took two hours do drink the orange juice ?
Because on the box it was written CONCENTRATE.
Why can't Banta dial 911?
He cannot find eleven on the phone!
How can you tell when Banta sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
What did Banta say when you asked him if his blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
What is Banta doing when he holds his hands tightly over
his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
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