Someone give me a title
So I'm sitting there with God and he hands me a two dollar
bill and says go down to second street and get me a hot dog, I'm thirsty
for some doctor pepper too, so if this is enough try to get me some of
that too, and I'm like, sure no problem and I set off. Only the street
is made of Jello and I can't seem to get my feet to come out and now the
taxi cab with the mime in the driver's seat is swerving towards me (I think
he's a mime; maybe he's a jester, that's what his hat looks like) and I
scream and I'm not thinking "oh no I'm going to die" I'm thinking "man
is God gonna be pissed if I can't find him a hot dog..." And so the
taxi cab barely misses me and the road stops being Jello and I'm pulling
so hard against the Jello that is no longer there that I go flying and
hit my chin on the sidewalk and the two dollar bill goes flying out of
my hand and right down the drain (and no, I don't know why there was a
drain there but there was). And so now I'm in really big trouble
so I start searching my pockets for spare change and all I find is this
tuna salad sandwich I never ate and a paperclip that winks at me while
I'm trying to find money for God's hot dog, and I'm suddenly struck with
the thought that God should get his own hot dog, but hey, it's not my fault.
And so I set off down the street with my paper clip and my tuna salad and
I see this bum and he's like "spare some change mister" and I feel so bad
I give him the only quarter I have left and after I give it to him I suddenly
realize that I had a quarter and instead of spending it on God I just gave
it to a bum. And so now I'm in even deeper trouble and I'm looking
for a MAC machine (cause my ATM card was in the tuna salad sandwich, only
it's starting to look more like peanut butter and jelly now that I think
about it) but I'm sure there won't be one cause just like cops you never
see a MAC machine when you need one. And now I'm pissed. So
I wield my paper clip like a sword, look menacing, and I'm like "look,
I'm a pirate, someone just please give me a couple bucks!" And the
bum I just gave the quarter to notices my peanut butter and jelly sandwich
and he steals it from my hands and runs and now I'm stuck with just a paper
clip and the clothes on my back. And God is getting pissed.
So I start walking again and pretty soon I'm to second street and the hot
dog stand God wanted me to go to is right before me and I'm thinking "man
my head hurts" and suddenly I remember I needed money so I think back to
MacGyver and suddenly my paper clip is a sub-machine gun (that was the
episode where MacGyver takes on the Russian government) and I'm holding
up the hot dog stand cause I figure I've gone this far, might as well get
my money's worth and so he gives me the dog and I'm thinking, "what kind
of condiments would God want on a hot dog?" But I decide not to get
any cause God can probably whip some up himself and now I don't know whether
God wanted doctor pepper or pepsi cause they both have that pep in them
and sometimes I get confused so I just get him some peach snapple and start
walking back and there I am in front of God and I give him his stuff and
he's just like, "where's my change?" So I guess I fucked up.
Ah, that's life for ya...
