[Guys] believe that having sex is the central biological reason for his existence. All guys do. We guys get accused of just wanting to get laid a lot, but the truth is that we have been entrusted with an extremely important responsibility-- the survival of the species-- and by gosh we're going to try to carry out this responsibility, even if it means we have to try to have a lot of sex.
Don't thank us; we're just doing our job.
Guys in some species take this responsibility so seriously that they'll try to have sex with anything. I am looking at a page in a biology textbook with a photo caption that states: "Indiscriminate sexual behavior is common among males." Above this caption are two photographs. The first shows a guy toad trying to have sex with a human finger. I am not making this up. The caption states: "A male toad (left) clasps a finger as if it were a female of his species." And sure enough, the toad is really wrapped around the finger, looking very passionate, for a toad. He is so determined to have sex that he has not even noticed that his partner (a) is not, technically, a toad, and (b) is attached to an organism roughly two thousand times his size. He doesn't care! He's getting laid!
And he is probably already thinking about making a pass at the thumb.
But if you think that is an atypical example of indiscriminate sexual behavior, consider the other photograph in this textbook. The caption states: "An Australian buprestid beetle (right) attempts to copulate with a beer bottle."
Sure enough, there's this guy beetle, humping away on the side of a beer bottle that does not even remotely resemble a female beetle. It clearly resembles a beer bottle; in fact, it resembles an ugly beer bottle. But this guy beetle appears to be bonking it with great enthusiasm, and what is more, he will probably brag about this to the other guy beetles.
"So," is the message he will communicate, by waving his antennae in a certain boastful pattern, "guess who scored today?" And then he will nod his head (assuming beetles can nod) in a significant manner toward the beer bottle.
"Damn!" the guy beetles will indicate, waving their antennae in an envious manner. "I've been trying to get her for months!"
There are plenty of examples of the lengths that guys in other species will go to have sex.
Let's not forget the banana slugs. Actually, you're going to want to forget banana slugs, once you find out what they sometimes do to separate from each other after having sex, according to a fascinating book called The Banana Slug Book. This book states that banana slugs have very large sexual organs (for slugs, I mean), and sometimes, after the sex act, they remain stuck together, and in order to get themselves part, they
The surgeon General has determined that the remainder of this sentence should not be read by guys of the male gender.
take turns gnawing off the penis.
© 1999 ~*~ mel ~*~
