Breaking News:

(AP) Chapelsnap-
World renowned adult film star Sexy McPoodle has tested positive for a virulent form of scabies, which she is believed to have contracted from a scabies-tainted fan letter sent to her PO Box in Chapelsnap. She is said to be in gravely itchy condition and resting uncomfortably at her home. A scabies scare has swept the town, and bioterrorists are suspected. "How else could she have gotten it?" wondered McPoodle family public relations manager Grover Akron at a wistful press conference scant moments ago. "Do we live in the sort of country where a person trying to make a living whoring themselves on film, video tape, magazine, dvd, or internet should live in fear? We need to take a long, hard, wet look at ourselves."

Dozens of mail carriers in the region are being tested. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, being itchy. In a potentially related event, political commentator Punch Nugget was reported to have received a singing telegram laced with the clap. Since he was not home at the time, speculation runs rampant about his risk level. The mysterious letter had a Weltsville postmark, and coincides with carpet bombing of Weltsville by members of the Chapelsnap Millitia in response to recent attacks on the two towering monoliths of Chapelsnap: The Photomat and the Liquor store.

The infected correspondance was apparently in the form of a dipeptide chain letter, whose contents were leaked to the media by an unidentified dude.

Hello:
This is a chain letter!
Send five copies of this to friends and get good luck.
Break the chain and get screwed.
Hortence Lapdog of Walla Walla KEPT the chain and smoked a bone.
Mohammed Atta of Boca Raton BROKE the chain and disgraced Allah.
Don't break the chain!!!!!
Your pal,
Happy

In other news, the operator of a 'parody' website mocking the scabies/Photomat incidents was beaten to death at a town meeting. More on this as we feel like reporting it.

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