Ride mechanical horses with change fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from the demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickery Farmsand helpfully volunteer to consume
its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of the escalator scream, "MY SHOELACES!!! AHHHH!!!"
Ask the sales person at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in rubles or pesos.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at McDonald's. . .
. . . But save a couple to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're
"astronaut food".
Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."
Ask a salesperson why a particular TV set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a
strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
Construct a porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes
departments and randomly scream without warning.
Test mattresses in your pajamas.
Ask the tobaccasnist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts
through bone.
At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils and whether there's much meat on them.
Sneak up on a saleswoman in the perfume department and spray her with your own bottle of perfume.
Rummage through through the jelly bean container at the candy store, insisting that you lost your contact lens.
Ask a salewoman whether a particualr shade of panties matches your beard.
In the changing rooms announce in a sing-song voice, "I see London, I see France. . ."
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes and walk around the mall taking two-inch steps.
Play the tuba for change.
Ask the organ dealerif he can play "Jesus Built My Hotrod."
Record belches on an electric keyboard and perform gastric versions of Jingle
Bells for admiring onlookers.
Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."
Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap
made out of straw".
"Toast" plastic hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
Collect stacks of
paint brochures and hand them out as religious
tracts.
Ask the information desk for a stroller and someone to push you around in
it.
Change every TV in the electronics department to a station playing "Saved
By The Bell." Chant the diologue in a robotic voice
and scream if anyone tries to change the channel.
Hang out in the waterbed section of the furnature department wearing a Navy uniform. Randomly run around in circles yelling,
"Scratch one flattop!"
Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully
announce that non of them are "leakproof."
"Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcades. Make lots of explosion noises.
Stand transfixed in
front of a mirror, bobbing your head up and down.
Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over
whether they're real.
Answer any unattended service phones in department stores and say,"Domino's."
At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
Show people your
driver's license and demand to know whether they've seen this man/woman.
