Tuesday, April 24, 2001 9:09 am
Finally got to the country on Saturday. The grass was brilliant green but the trees were still just coming out. It rained Friday and Saturday morning. Stopped by the time we arrived but the creek was running very high and clear. I didn't want Growlf to get caught up in the current-- he's not much of a swimmer. Naturally he ran down over the bank first thing. Must have stuck close to the edge. He didn't get washed away. Joe was ecstatic because the NFL draft had started. He loves to watch the Penguins (who, by the way, WON THE SERIES LAST NIGHT IN OVERTIME AGAINST THE CAPITOLS-- quarter semi-finals, way to go Pens!!!) but if he had to choose, it'd have to be the Steelers and football first.
Merle and I are getting very excited about our trip down to visit PW. (Merle only takes a vacation once every five or ten years so she was happy to begin with.) It's really nice of PW & the Hoppers to let us do this!! It'll be so nice to spend some time with PW. Last time Merle and I took a vacation, just the two of us, was, Lord, fifteen or twenty years ago. Our plans call for us to go Tuesday, May 1st and stay until Sunday, May 6th. Joe's being very gracious again about me leaving town-- he'll put Lauren on the bus in the mornings while I'm gone. He asked me the other day though, "When are we going to the beach?" Guess I should make some plans-- he deserves some R & R.
Last time when I was down in Kill Devil Hills, he worked here a lot, especially in the backyard. Had it looking like a park when I came home.... all manicured and green. He trimmed back the roses and the violets were blooming. The magnolia tree was incredible. It's nearly finished blooming now-- all the petals have blown down to the grass beneath it. Now the apple, pear, and crabapple trees are covered with blossoms. I love spring.
Majorsville was wonderful. Saturday evening we walked up to the waterfall. The water was splashing over and down 30 or 40 feet. I hadn't seen anything like it since I was a kid. Guess I don't usually hike up there in the spring. The floor of the woods, which never get sun, was covered with masses of white trillium. We had some great sightings of the great blue heron... actually herons, plural. They were flying all over the place. One landed on the grassy beach across the creek. He was walking around, his head bobbing back and forth as he moved. Then he flew up and landed on a dead limb, in a tree over in the peninsula between the two creeks. Another one was on the limb of a sycamore tree on the other side of the right-of-way. For an hour or so we got to watch them. The one directly across from us was great... fluffing out his enormous wings, grooming himself. He looked like "hippie" blue heron-- his head covered in "hair, long beautiful hair". I guess it was really feathers but it sure looked like long white hair. (Edgar Winters Heron?)
Did some cooking down there... ham & cabbage Saturday night, and spaghetti on Sunday. Yum-- it's really the only place I enjoy cooking, not sure why? Picked a big bunch of daffodils (they were still blooming, as was the forsythia-- Majorsville is always a week or so behind in the season compared to Washington.) Even the lilac bush appears to be coming back after being so rudely eaten by the beavers not this past winter but the winter before.
Sunday Joe mowed and I shamefully laid around in the hammock all afternoon. I was reading my book (The Sabbathday River) some but a lot of the time I was studying the inside of my eyelids. Listened to Porgy & Bess, Nat King Cole (Unforgettable, Route 66, Straighten Up & Fly Right...), Peggy Lee (Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe) and some other great oldies. It was nice and quiet down there (except for the stupid air shaft fan)-- guess it's too early for campers (yeah!!!) In a couple of weeks the Tradewinds will be starting up their Mud Bogs and the Canoe Race so the isolation probably won't last long.
Joe and I are both really at a loss as far as what we should do about our relationship. We're still best friends (I think we always will be.) But so much has changed between us over the last few years. Can two people stay happily married with half their relationship gone? He thinks the passion will come back. I'm not so sure of that, not at all. I don't think it's something that just comes and goes, with no effort. I think it's very fragile and you both have to be guarding it every moment lest you should find yourself empty, lost, at that point where it's too late to "go back" and impossible to come back together. At least that's how it seems to me. And then there's this question-- can passion remain, should it remain, long term, in a relationship? I don't deny some people seem to have it but it sure seems there are a lot of other couples out there who just stay together for companionship. I don't know if I can do that. Is that fair to him? Or to me? Maybe some people just aren't meant to be together that long. God, I was nineteen when we got married. Of course we're going to both go through major changes over nearly 30 years. I mean, how likely is it to expect two people to change the same way, in the same direction, over that long a period of time?
I spent all day yesterday working on rebuilding my friends web site. It's taking much longer than I thought-- sixteen hours so far and I'm not done yet. (That'll teach me about the value of backups!) I am making some changes/improvements though so I guess it's all good experience.
Today I'm going out to lunch with my friend Debbie. Haven't seen her in ages and ages and ages so I'm really looking forward to it. She's learning how to fly-- would that be too cool or what?
I've committed myself to watching Lauren two days a week this summer (& watching her for a couple of hours in the morning on the other three days-- she'll be attending day camp at the YMCA.) Hope we don't get sick of each other! Guess I should join a pool or something. Elmhurst, of course, would be most convenient but I'd have to pay an initiation fee again, plus one for Lauren & then there are the dues. Might just be simpler to buy a pass to the Park Pool or Sunset Beach (which doesn't really have a beach of course.)
My aunt Ruth is in very bad shape. They don't expect her to make it. I talked to Chris, her son-in-law, last evening and he said they were moving her to the Hospice part of the hospital. She is "resting comfortably"-- something to be grateful for I guess, thanks to a morphine drip (helps her breathe.) I'm praying for all of them. Don't know what else I can do. It's so hard. Maybe she's waiting for the anniversary of the day my mom died (May 1st.) Do you think so? I guess it'll happen whenever it's supposed to happen, right? Heather wanted to go up and see her, tell her to say "Hi" to Grandma, but then she was afraid that wouldn't be appropriate. I have to believe you get to be with your family and friends who have gone before you. When my mom was dying, I told her she could go and see her parents. Said she would be with my dad & they could dance together again like they used to do when they were young. And she could play Scrabble with Rita. It's just very hard for the ones who are left behind.
Well, on that note... I'm going to go get ready for my lunch date. Hope everyone is all right and life treats you all gently and good. Thanks for reading.
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Wednesday - April 18, 2001 - 9:01 am
Just put Lauren on the bus. We went through "I love you, I hate you" about 10 times this morning. She's a trip. She helped me get some Easter Seals mailings done (they somehow or other talk me into doing it every year but most years I talk Joe or Lauren or someone into helping me!) She was getting extremely perturbed because she couldn't write straight (kept going up a little at the end of the name.) I kept trying to say it was fine but she'd just get madder. She flew into a rage at herself, saying she hated herself and how worthless she was, etc. etc. If this family isn't the model family for clinical depression, no one's is. Me, Marilyn, Heather, Lauren, Joe, and on and on and on..... It has to be partially genetic. I'll blame the Larkins-- I don't know too many of the Alleys that had this problem but of course, I was always closer to the Larkin side so that might explain why. At any rate, in the middle of her self-hate temper tantrum, it dawned on me, how you all must feel, hearing me ranting and raving about how much I dislike me.
Wow.... it was like a light going on. I told her she taught me something, that we all have to love ourselves--- if for no other reason than to not upset those who love us. I wrote her out a little note and told her to keep it so if she ever felt unhappy with herself again, she can look at it and remember. Then she wrote me out a little note so I could do the same. Pretty amazing.
Pat called me last night. Ruth is back in the hospital-- they took her in Saturday. This also was a wake-up call. I'm so lucky not to be going through that right now. It was the hardest when my mom was so sick. But instead of being happy and thankful it's over, I've been beating myself up.... not allowed to be happy even now, almost four years later. It's time, way past time, to get on with my life.
I hope I can remember these two lessons the next time the Blue Meanies come to get me.
And one more thing.... SLAP!
I deserved a big one after freaking out so last week. I know it's going to sound stupid but I really did enjoy a lot of my time away. The ocean and beach are always so nice. I thought about this after I put all that crap on here from my journal yesterday. The problem (or rather one of the problems) is I have a tendency to write more about stuff that bothers me, freaks me out, makes me sad, etc. The good stuff just gets lost in the writing.
Joe got a DSL line installed while I was away. Work is paying for it for a trial period. (Nice of them.) It's much faster than our 56 k modem for accessing the Internet but I'm having problems with my email.... I'm receiving okay but having trouble sending. If I owe you, please be patient. I'll get it together one of these days.
It was snowing here yesterday... looked like a mini blizzard. Thank God none of it stuck. Everyone tells me it was beautiful and warm the whole time I was gone. I think they all lie.
Oker doker-- I'm going to stop for now and try to accomplish something constructive... try real hard not to beat myself up. Hope your day is good and thanks for putting up with me.
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Tuesday 4/17/01
Had to go in for a blood letting this afternoon. Okay, I was really just giving platelets. Anyway, I've been trying to figure out what to write about my trip. It didn't quite turn out the way I planned (what does?) Parts of it were magnificent but other parts were pure hell. All my own doing, as usual. I decided to put it in a file by itself coz it really is sort of ugly sometimes. This way you can read it if you want or skip it if you'd prefer. I think I'd suggest skipping it. [Outer Banks Trip] Anyway, I'm home and I'll write more later but not about the trip. Love to all.
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Thursday, 4/5/01
Finally got all my running around done for my trip tomorrow. This morning I got the oil changed, stopped by AAA, got the car washed, took out some cash & bought some last minute items from the grocery. Trying to leave stuff for Joe to eat while I'm gone. Silly, 'cause normally he's just as likely to buy our food as I am, maybe more so. Guess it's a little guilt trip creeping up on me. No one has said it yet, so I will, "Why're ya going???" There, happy? (My mom use to hit me with that one every year when I was leaving for vacation.) Lauren's been a pistol a couple of mornings this week. I couldn't figure out what her problem was then it dawned on me... she's p.o.ed because I'm going away. She's just going to have to deal with it. Gee, first it's your parents, then your kids and then the grandchildren... all masters at the guilt game. Sorry but this time I refuse to accept it.
It's beautiful here today... sunny, warm. Supposed to be nice through the weekend. Figures, just when I try to go South. North Carolina will probably have a freak snow storm or something.... oh well. I'm trying to take clothes that can work either way... warm or cool. My only other condition (for picking my "wardrobe") was it has to be comfy and pretty much carefree. Consequently, I'm taking the old standbys, the uniforms, what I worn most every nonworking day for the past five years. Some of it is pretty ratty looking but if it's comfy, and I want to take it, it gets to go.
God, even the birds are outsinging themselves today.... a cardinal family is right outside the window, "Birdy, birdy, birdy." Or maybe they're saying "Feed me, feed me, feed me." I bought a 20 lb bag of birdseed at the store this morning but haven't fed them yet.
Started reading Michael Crichton's Timeline . So far it's been pretty good but I'm not sure it's what I want to be reading right now. Still thinking I'll pull out some old favorites and reread them. I might have to rent a Ryder truck to pull behind my car with all the stuff I want to take. Have to keep reminding myself... KISS (keep it simple stupid). Stopped by Walmart on my way home from the car wash to buy a chamois. It was so hard for me to go in there and just buy that. I must have had 10 other things picked out then put back before I got out of there. Kept thinking "A couple of tee shirts couldn't hurt, and boy, we really need new towels, and check out this cool litter bag for the car, these candle holders are pretty neat... should I get one of those???"
Well, I do still have junk to do around here so I'd better get off this machine. Thanks for reading and for all your kind thoughts and words and prayers. Love you.
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Tuesday, 4/3/01
Just when I think I've got it all figured out, I find major boo-boos.... I'm thinking of my tax return in particular but this philosophy could apply to almost everything in my life.
I was so pleased with myself, having finished our taxes over the weekend (for me, this is really early)-- all I had left to do was decide whether to file electronically or by paper. Decided on the paper route since they charge you to file electronically. So I came up here a little while ago thinking I just had to print it out and I was good to go. Wrong. Why do I always have these problems??? Joe thinks if I use Turbo Tax, it should be easy. No, it is not because I have to overide half the stuff the program calculates. And I make the same mistakes every year; you'd think I'd learn by now... but somehow I always screw up calculating my local wage tax. It's utterly ridiculous! It's one percent for god's sake! Ah yes, but I always use the wrong wage amount from my W-4's-- sometimes I mistakenly use the federal wages, other years when I'm really absolutely certain I'm doing it right I use the Social Security wages. NO, NO, NO... you must use the state wages. I'm writing this in giant letters across this year's file so that when I pull it out to help me out next year, I'll see it and not screw it up again!!!!! And you'd think hey, what's the big deal, how much could it change things? Well, let me tell you: it changes my Schedule A, my 1040, the amount I have to pay the local tax man, the amount I get to take off my federal taxes, etc. etc. What an unbelievable mess. So anyway, another year finished, another mistake discovered.
My friend Annie left me a lovely little message in my guestbook. I tried to write back and thank her but my reply came back undeliverable. It's probably just my email program screwing up but I am paranoid so I think it is really because she works for the government. And the government is leary of accepting emails from yours truly. (Get a grip Jan!) (I know it's all because of those damn taxes.) But if anyone from the IRS is reading this... I think you people do a really fine job...
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Monday, April 2, 2001
A day after the official day but I'm still pretty much the fool. I am making progress with my trip plans. Overnighted the lease and money order to the realtor. Made reservations for a motel on the way home. PW and the Hoppers are being too nice, letting me stay there on my way down. It'll be great seeing them.
Spent late Saturday and early Sunday in the country. Signs of spring... the turkey buzzards have returned from Jamaica, the forsythia is ready for forcing and the daffodils have broken through the leaf mulch. The creek was deep and clear as could be. Big hunks of the parking lot fell in as usual. Walked through the back and front arboretums. The trees are still bare so you can see more than usual. Amazing the number of trees that have fallen on the hillsides, not necessarily recently but still, some of them are so big. When I woke up Sunday, there was a heavy fog, made the woods out back look like ghost trees. Didn't see any critters in the house but that doesn't mean there weren't any.
Speaking of which, there was something running around in my walls and ceiling here again this morning. Very disconcerting. Then the damn cat started... peering in back of the stove like there was something lurking there. She moved around front and stare underneath it for awhile. There wasn't anything under it... we looked. She must have been seeing ghosts or aliens. Either that or she was playing one of her favorite games... freak out the humans.
I had gone to bed really early last night, like 6:30 so I was up and writing in my journal by 3:30 a.m. Also finished the book. Waaahhh. I'll miss the Hotels New Hampshire (#'s 1,2 and 3.) Just hated for it to end. Funny, this was probably my least favorite Irving book but a least favorite one of his is better than most of the other stuff out there. I'm not sure which books to take on my trip. I've got new stuff but I might prefer old stuff. Guess I can't lose either way.
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear,
And I need a job,
So I want to be a paperback writer, Paperback writer.
Friday night was nice. Merle came over bearing cookies, a loaf of marble rye (rumor had it she mugged some old lady for it) and a wedge of edam cheese. I made grilled cheese sandwiches & Merle insisted they were the best she'd ever eaten. Listened to Marvin Gaye and The Beatles. Was looking up the lyrics to Marvin songs on the internet earlier that day and swear there's nothing but garbage out there. Like Trouble Man, every reference to it said the lyrics were "I come of heart baby" I thought it was "I come apart baby". In fact I can't for the life of me figure out what "I come of heart" would mean. Doesn't make any sense, does it? I had been listening to John Lennon's Imagine earlier in the day and found this song on the album that was about Paul.... wooo-eeee did he let him have it. Cut on his contributions to the Beatles and his own first album. They must have really hated each other then. What a waste. We were sitting on the floor in the living room and Growlfy and Sheba were in the middle of everything. They can't stand for us to entertain without being the center of attention. I found a bunch of matted fur on Growlf. He needs to be groomed desperately. But in the meantime, I gave him a trim. Looked like he had been to a butcher but he didn't complain. Hardly ever does. We didn't trim the cat but once the dog was getting brushed she had to be brushed also. What big babies they both are!
Sunny and clear, very spring-like today but still chilly out. I love that we changed the clocks even though I did have to go to bed early last night. Staying light out in the evening is something I could dig all year 'round. Better get off and get some other stuff done. Heather, bless her, is giving us both haircuts tonigh. Mine is so bad, all the ends are split. I finally got around to coloring it this weekend. It was starting to resemble a gray Brillo pad. Thanks for reading.... talk to you soon. And remember "Keep passing the open windows"
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Thursday, March 29, 2001
Marilyn had a little soiree last Friday... very nice.... Pat & Chris and Mike & Kathy. She had good eats-- meat and cheese and veges and dip. Drank lots of wine and listened to some great tunes. Joe and I turned into the things that would not leave. When last seen, Merle was crawling into her bedroom, on her belly, going "Oh no, you don't have to leave yet..." I felt bad leaving such a mess (but not bad enough to stay and clean up.)
My friend Annabelle came over on Saturday. She just got back from Las Vegas. Her mom and dad had been out there for a couple of months but her mom got sick. They're all back in Washington now. I'm keeping Annie & her mom in my prayers.
I'm at the part in the book where the kids really want to come back to the U.S. Nothing much good has happened to them since they left for Vienna. I had forgotten so much... how Sorrow floats, Susie the bear, the very strange people living in the 2nd Hotel New Hampshire. Irving is ripping my heart out as usual... oh to be able to write like he does. Must take everything out of him and then some (takes everything out of me and then some just to read it.)
I made my reservations for the beach... for next weekend (April 7.) Found a halfway reasonably priced house, in Kill Devil Hills, between the highways. Nothing fancy but it has all the necessities. Didn't say it had a stereo. I'm gonna borrow the boom box from Majorsville so I can at least listen to tapes when I'm there. Can't imagine a week without music. Anyway, I'm excited and a little nervous. Made a list of all the things I need to do before then... finish our taxes (& try to recalculate them so we don't owe money), get my oil changed and tires checked, make some motel reservations (don't think I can deal with driving there all in one day), stuff like that. Man, the beach.... ah.... life might be too good.
Here's the kicker-- I'm going to go back down a couple of weeks later and stay with PW in Va Beach. I can't think of anything that sounds nicer than going to the beach twice in the next month. I suppose it is the supreme spoiled thing I've ever done.... (and, as we all know, I'm pretty spoiled.) I know I don't deserve it. But it never seems to be about what you deserve-- it all seems to be dumb (or in this case, great) luck.
Heather and Lauren came over tonight to celebrate my birthday (it was yesterday but I couldn't get it together to celebrate anything then.) I made tostadoes and soft tacos. We had ice cream and cake and I blew out the lighter (didn't have any candles.) Lauren got me a beautiful white bunny statue. Heather bought me a sharp outfit-- skirt and top. Everyone has been so nice sending me cards and e-greetings and calling and shit. (Pretty hard to stay depressed when so many nice people love you.)
PW told me she was having a hard time reading my "new" format for this journal so I'm switching it back to the tried and true. I better wrap this up and get it posted. Thanks for reading and for loving me. Love you...
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Tuesday, 3/20/01
Ostara - The Vernal Equinox - First Day of Spring
Went surfing yesterday and found these spells which you may or may not wish to use for your celebration.
Of violets and Lavender, take each a few,
Enclose them with Myrtle of dark green hue.
Make them in a posy, small and round and bright,
May you see your true love in your dreams tonight.
------
Hare, hare, God send thee care,
I am in hares likeness now;
But I shall be a woman even now,
Hare, hare, God send thee care.
I made french toast for Lauren this morning then spent the rest of the day writing a poem and painting a picture, both for Joe. If I think of it, I'll upload them tomorrow (not the french toast-- it was all eaten.) It was a fun way to spend the first day of spring. Surprise, surprise, will wonders never cease...I'm actually in a good mood for a change. Started this morning listening to:
Now I know you're not the only starfish in
the sea
If I never hear your name again it's all the same to me
And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
What's up with these rolling blackouts in California? Are we really that low on energy or is this some sort of ploy to get Dubbya's energy bill passed? Just what we need, more coal mining. At this rate, in a year or so, all of southwestern Pennsylvania will subside down a sinkhole. See you at the bottom! I'll be the one smoking 25 cigarettes and drinking a cup of the Saint with a little dab of coffee thrown in for good measure.
I see Merle has visited my guestbook. I know the lines are silly but I love the movie anyway. Especially the ending where she does the lift. I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you Just for the record, I'd dirty dance with Patrick Swayze any old day. What a cutie-pie.
Trying to decide what to cook for din.... vege burgers? pizza & salad? scrambled eggs? They all sound good to me... I'm starving! Happy Ostara and here's hoping you don't get stuck with a stug.... (a teeny tiny stag who's been baking in the sun so long it's dried up and shriveled away to nothing.) I know it's not very nice but I'm sick to death of being nice. Catch you later, you alligator.
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Monday, March 19, 2001
Tomorrow is spring.... hallelujah!! Joe turned the birdbath right side up over the weekend. He was afraid crocus were trying to come up underneath it. They weren't. The water in there is frozen this morning. Hope the damn thing doesn't crack on me. (That's why I had it laying on its side all winter.)
My cousin Kathy signed my guestbook. Thanks Kathy! She also wrote me some really nice email. I'm not sure why I'm so lucky to be surrounded by people who love me. But I better start appreciating it more. Also just read a nice email from PW. The Hoppers are all planning to go to Indiana for a wedding... Jean and Art have made plane reservations and David & his girlfriend will be driving. PW better make plans herself. She'll have a great time!!!
My trip plans aren't moving very fast because I keep procrastinating and going back and forth, changing my mind. I wanted to go around April 13 so I better get busy if I'm going to do it.
Well I'm all dressed up no place to go
Hey Monkey when you gonna show your face around me...
I'm in trouble for the things I want
But all I ever want is everything
Hey Monkey where you been
This lonely spiral
I've been in
Hey Monkey when can we begin
Hey Monkey where you been
I'm at that place in the book where the Berry family is getting ready to move to Vienna to run a hotel there. Can't imagine what it would be like to move to Vienna or anyplace else as far as that goes. Other than Harrisburg, I've lived here forever and ever. Sometimes we talk about moving-- we'd like to be near the ocean. But when it comes right down to it, I probably couldn't do it unless Heather and Marilyn moved also.
Had this dream over the weekend that made me cry while I was sleeping and then again after I woke up. The dream itself was stupid-- about a piece of paper (letterhead) that I embossed with some words but then I realized I had screwed it up-- embossed the words sideways. My mom had given me the letterhead, only one piece, and since she was dead, I couldn't fix it. Anyhow, the real meaning was all about how you go through half your life believing in forever... as in your family will always be there for you. But then some of them die and you have to deal with the reality that nothing is forever. So you go through a couple of years of hell and finally it starts to sink in and you think you have it all sorted out. But then you look at death and it certainly isn't just a passing phase... it is forever. Or like the old adage goes, the only absolute is there are no absolutes. Anyway, it all seems like a cruel joke to me. You spend half your life learning a lesson that turns out to be just the opposite.
I just ran downstairs for coffee and can't believe my cat wanted to go outside. She & Growlf both ran to the door. She's out there rolling around on the concrete sidewalk, in the sun-- but still it's pretty darn cold. She'll come back in covered with dirt. Poor Growlf. If he doesn't get thee to a groomery soon you won't be able to tell him from a buffalo. There was a picture in the OR last week that looked so much like him, I couldn't believe it. The dog's name was Blackie and the caption said he was part schnauzer. Had to be Growlf's cousin or brother or something.
Speaking of which, the buffalo is now barking his head off. Guess I'd better go let him (& his frozen, dirty sister) in. Hope you all have a good week. Thanks for reading.
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March 14, 2001 - Wednesday
Trying out a new look for my web journal. ( I know, I need to get a life...)
When I get older
Losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greeting, bottle of wine
This morning Lauren came in singing "When I'm 64". She had heard it on the radio and couldn't believe that I not only knew the lyrics but had it on a album. We put Sgt. Pepper on the stereo and listened to it. Doesn't take much to please her!
A couple of strange little birds called me last night to tell me I'm descended from (among others) William the Conqueror, Pharomond the King Fisher, and James the Just (who by the way, was Jesus's bro.... got friends in high places so you best not fool around with me.) I wonder if a couple thousand years from now a woman will look back and find out she was descended from Jani the Demented. Could happen. Speaking of which.... Have to go see the Gled-Eye (my shrink) tonight. As usual, I have to work on sounding just crazy enough so that he'll renew my 'scripts but not so crazy that he summon the fellows in white coats. They might want to take me out for ice cream or something.
Would you believe in love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time...
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Found this really cool (web) radio station out of Manteo (Roanoke Island, NC.) It's like being near the beach. I've been listening to it all week. They play "alternative album rock" (which I'm not sure what that is but they play Counting Crows so you know it's not bad.) If you want to check them out they're at [wvod-fm] I'm thinking on making a trip to the OBX sometime in the next few weeks. Have a plan; think it would be just what I need to bust me free of this depression once and for all (or at least for a few hours.... that'd be okay too.)
Finished The Testament. I enjoyed it but was surprised by a Grisham character going born-again on me. Needed something else to read. Joe gave me a Peter Straub book but I wasn't getting anywhere with it... guess I just wasn't in the mood for horror. Decided to reread The Hotel New Hampshire (John Irving.) I'm loving it, getting reacquainted with his characters... State O' Main, the bear. It's just where I need to go at this point in my life-- that's assuming my life has a point. Maybe I'm like Oblio, who was pointless in the land of Point but he did have his faithful dog Arrow around to help him out. I've got Growlf. He's always a big help and most definitely has a point.
The crocus are blooming in my back yard-- those that the squirrels haven't eaten. A squirrel fell on Growlf's head the other day. I don't know who was more surprised, Growlf or the squirrel. At least Rita wasn't there to help out with her broom. I miss Rita. She was not a metermaid but she was lovely, wasn't she? Yes, she was.
Had an email from my old temp at work (the one who quit when I quit.) She tells me that the old asshole boss let the new temp go. Didn't want her getting too attached to the other people who work there. God, that man is on a (bad) trip. And I wonder why the job didn't work out for me. I have a lot of residual anger concerning him. I'm convinced he forced me out-- it was his plan all along. Pisses me off. I was making a lot of good friends and good money. The whole situation might have helped my tenuous state of mind had it not been for that shithead. Dealing with him was like hammering another nail in my coffin. Yes, there's just a wee bit of animosity left. Think it's probably time to let go of this, don't you?
I'm painting the room in a colourful way
And when my mind goes wandering
There I will go...
I'll be taking my book on holiday with me. Can't just toss it out. I didn't make the characters up-- they came to me with their story. Unfortunately, I'm not very adept at writing it down but I wish, for their sake, I could finish it. There's Dan (he's a widower) and his kids, Patty and Chief. And Charlie and Lois (the in-laws & grandparents.) Then there's Manny, the dog, who is a noble dog. He knows right away that the new woman in Dan's life isn't up to any good, Sharon. She's about to blow poor Dan's life to pieces. I'll be taking my guitar with me even though its strings are stretched and my fingers are totally out of practice. And my watercolors, in case I want to paint something. I'll pack a few rain candles and my journals and some CD's to listen to. It sounds like Heaven doesn't it? Yes, it does. Talk to you soon.
