Why Stroudsburg is a living hell

Why Stroudsburg sucks

Anywhere you go in Stroudsburg you'll always find them. Stupid people. In any way shape or form, these people suck and unfortunately make up 90% of Stroudsburg residents. The're the type of people that remind you of the no-brain southerners you used to see on TV. You know, the ones who worship Elvis and claim to have been abducted by aliens? That's them only worse.

The absolute worst part of it is that it rubs off. Somehow, by being around them too long, you start picking up their hick language. You find yourself using phrases like, "Let's go down to the crick 'un go fishun." Or something like, "How bout's us all goin' ta da fleee markit." I'll tell you, it's sheer horror. It scares you so badly you look in the mirror just to make sure you have all your teeth and your hair's not greesy.

The best specimens of these "people" would be at the Saylorsburg flea market (where they do their clothing and grocery shopping) on July 3rd. For some reason, "Stroudsburgers" are attracted to things that blow up as much as moths are to light. Anything that makes a loud noise they enjoy. Personally, I hate fireworks, the're a waste of time and money and a potential threat to blow out your ear drums or blow OFF other body parts. But that's why Stroudburgers like them.

Another example from the flea market. It was near the end of June and the family bought a slightly used camper. We planned to reupholster the cushions, so we set out to the flea market to buy some fabric in bulk. We picked out 2 rolls of 5 yards each. It was $1.50/yard. The man that owned the stand used a calculator to come up with the total. That's 10 times 1.5, is that too dificult to figure out? If that wasn't bad enough, on our way out, we passed a fruit stand selling strawberries. The sign hanging off the table read, "Strawberries, $2.99 per court." Talk about stupid...

Sadly, my very own Grandfather was affected by the Stroudsburg disease of stupidity...he and my Grandmother had just moved here from NJ (WHY I have NO idea...) and my Grandpa was putting up the mail box. Inside he thought he'd write a little message saying "Good morning" for the postal workers to see. But Stroudsburg had gotten to him by then. Instead he wrote..."Good mourning". It didn't stop there though, it's struck my brother too. Stroudsburg has affected his speach. The boy says "nakin" instead of "napkin" and uses the word "ain't" every chance he gets. I keep pushing for speach therapy but my parents don't see how serious this may become...he could become...*gulp*... a Stroudsburger!

Well, there you go. Why Stroudsburg is a living hell, and I haven't even gotten into the school system! Well, maybe another time. Just remember, the next time you see stupid people in your town/city/village, RUN!!! Run from the fat, toothless, idiots. Don't let them influence you! Or you too will spend your nights mesmerized by a bug zapper. Heed my warning.

Note to those who share with me the horrors of living in Stroudsburg:

- The 10% of normal people that inhabit Stroudsburg would agree with all that is stated above.

- The 90% of people that inhabit Stroudsburg who are stupid, just wouldn't get it.


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Email: scjc@epix.net