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You know you're from the Coal Region when...
You say Hyaa! to greet others.
Your "woman" weighs at least twice as much as you do and her mustache is
thicker than yours.
Saturday night means cruising Main St.(or Independence St. if you're from the Shamokin
area), unless, of course, the church is having a block party.
Saturday also means "takin' a bat".
Your date drinks more than you do.
You spit chew on the sidewalk and so does your girl.
You belong to the Moose, VFW, Eagles, Knights, a Polish Club, or any fire company.
You have pierogy eating contests.
In high school, the girls teams do better than the boys teams.
You go out to a bar, drink til you can't stand, then drive home fast.
Your high school buddies are in the city or on unemployment.
You think that oral sex is for preverts.
You go out picking "mushies".
The best thing that can happen on the job is "disability".
Your girl brings her own six-pack on a date.
Most cooking recipes start with "melt a pound of lard".
You use food stamps to buy lobster at the IGA or Acme.
You "play the pool".
The only books in the house are romance novels or Playboy.
Somebody in your family gets a check for "black lung".
You have a "Christmas club".
You know what "scrapple" is.
When parting, you say, "So long Butt"!
You paid more for your new car than for your house.
Your idea of feminine beauty is "built to pull a plow".
A tree comes between a 2 and a 4.
You say "Ain't tho" more than once in a sentence;
You call your friends "you's guys".
You gamble all your pay in the pool hall.
Your pick up line is "Blow me whore".
Your home is within walking distance of more than three Catholic churches (or at least
buildings that used to be Catholic churches).
You consider keilbasa one of the four major food groups (along with pierogies, halushki
and Yuengling Lager!).
Your house has any of those awful looking puke green tarpaper shingles for siding.
You still own property within the Centralia city limits.(you feel it is a good
investment, because you are waiting for the big buyout).
Your day isn't complete until you've watched the 11:00 news on WNEP.
You were ever on camera during a "Land of Haltchy Milatchy" broadcast (extra
points if you've ever met Miss Judy).
You've ever substituted the word "Geisinger" for "hospital" in
regular conversation.
Your hometown cowers in the shadow of a big black anthracite mountain.
You've taken the Yuengling Brewery tour in Pottsville repeatedly, just to get the free
samples at the end.
Your family goes to Knoebel's Grove more than twice every summer.
Your elementary class field trip was always to the Pioneer Mine Tunnel in Ashland.
You know someone from, or are from "Shen-a-doe" (pronunciation varies).
You defend the Hegins Pigeon shoot as good wholesome family entertainment.
You can never get that black haze out of your clothes no matter how hard you try.
Anyone has used your front yard as a dumping ground for old washing machines, burned out
auto frames, or severely used tires.
You tell your wife you have to "swing by the hosey a while".
The biggest thrill of your life is arriving at the Hometown Auction for the first time.
Your 15 minutes of fame comes when you yell behind Tom Clark when he does the weather
report at the Bloomsburg Fair.
When you say D.C., you mean Dickson City and not Washington D.C.
When you try to get someone to agree with you, you say "Henna or No".
You think pinnocle is a contact sport.
Someone you know (usually your grandmother) starts a sentence with "Why a".
Ex. "Why a, I'll be ready for bingo at 5:45."
Someone you know uses "mind ya" in a sentence. Ex. "You don't want to be
playing on the road, mind ya."
You've ever been beaten with a polenta stick.
Someone you know says "Thanks I met ya" when they are saying goodby to you.
In your home town, the 'sweatpants wedgie' is considered a fashion statement.
There is a stream in your town called either Black Creek, Shit Creek or Sulfur Creek.
You say with pride, "My Mom is a bartender!".
You've eaten at the Coney. (you were probably drunk too!)
You never use the word police, rather words such as "cops," "da
Township," or " Stateez" are used.
Your wardrobe is not complete unless you own some clothing with "PSU"
initials.
You go to the shore.
You eat corn on the cob at the end of a meal.
You actually eat and enjoy pickled food.
You know what a crock is and probably you have one in your basement to store your
suppies or kraut.
You worry about your suppies and you treat them as gold bars.
You eat and enjoy home made faggots (a wrapped liver based entrée).
You pay no attention to local restaurant signs that say, "Yes, we serve pigeons and
faggots!"
Fruit has bones in it, not seeds.
You enjoy a good CMP.
You always pronounce the food store Weis in plural form.
You look forward to the "Lonely Deer" advertisements and sale items in the
News Item.
Once, you did get caught at Conn's!"
When people ask you how old you are or how big something was, you try to use the phrase
"come again" more than once and as much as you can.
You know someone who lives in a Gap.
You keep old chairs in your garage just to use in the Winter to protect the area you
just shoveled out snow.
You think that a hair doo that looks like a bowling ball is fashionable.
You used to sprag your feet on your bike or even put a balloon to rub against the wheel.
You think hot wings are a full meal if real ranch dressing AND vegetables are included
in the same serving.
You know what the phrase, "It's stickin good outside now!" means.
You still eat cin cin candy.
You know what "the number" was yesterday.
Something wonderful is "so best" or "best soy yest."
You can distinctly elaborate on the pros and cons of collecting Relief, Disability,
Supplemental, Partials, Rent and Fuel rebate, PACE, Welfare, MEDICARE, Black Lung, Social
Security, Blue Cross and Blue Shield, Pension and Veteran Death benefits.
You think the AARP is an elite club.
You believe if you get a haircut on Good Friday then you will never go bald.
You go to bakes.
You skipped High School for a day, shot a buck, put your name in the News Item newspaper
section "With the Deer Hunters" then got in trouble with your truant officer.
You still buy food by the half-bushel and the half-peck.
You think that by merely stating the first name of someone who lives in another state,
everyone will know that person. "Oh, your from New Jersey, do you know Teddy, he's
from New Jersey too!?"
Everyone in town knows you by your nickname (for example, Flash, Bopper, Digger, Bombas,
Ticker, Tanuts, Flapper, Tomba, Vulture, Red, Steech, Rat, Coot, etc...) and you use and
sign your nickname frequently on tickets and pools, but most people have no idea what is
your real first and last name.
You went out "trick or treating" days before Halloween because most old people
didn't now the exact date, plus you actually performed an entertaining song, skit or poem
(now kids just hold their hands out).
You read "Sound Off" before anything else in the News Item newspaper.
You out'n the lights before you go to bed.
You've heard someone say "Boy, I hope I get laid off for the winter. I'd rather
collect."
You never lived unless you took swimming lessons first thing on Monday at Edgie!
You always went 'overtown' shopping.
Mr. Pizza is normal!
You refer to general house cleaning as "Picking up the house".
Your mom ASKS if you want to, she means DO IT! Example: "Barry, do you want to go
to the store for me?"
You grew up in a two income family; Dad was a bartender and Mom was a garment worker.
You ALWAYS got coal for Christmas---or the house froze.
You remember hearing... "We live so close to the Scott that when we go into our
basement we can hear the miners cursing the mules."
You are shocked if you meet someone who doesn't eat pizza on Friday.
You say ' haint ' in place of isn't, ain't, or aren't. Ex. "Haint yous guys
going?", "It's really raining out there, haint it?", "That's a big
damn dog, haint?"
You've ever been "Up the Eynon".
You hang beer cans on your Christmas tree.
You think the four seasons are football, hunting, fishing, and drinking season (year
round).
You believe that it is impossible to fall in love sober.
You consider "Screamers" to be one of the four food groups.
You have driven on the "Snake Road".
You bet with a "bookie" at least once a week.
You use the word 'Beautiful' to describe people, place's or things at least 25 times a
day.
You think white people are the only race.
You can't understand why anyone would want to eat out at any other resturant when you
can get a McDonalds's value meal for $3.49.
Your lifelong dream is to play softball in the Coal Cracker League.
You take your date to the Susquehanna or Frackville Mall movie theatre to impress her.
You meet all your best friends at the unemployment line, and talk about the H.S.
football season.
Your prize collection is all the different baseball caps you saved over time.
Your only home improvement was turning an old refrigerator into a beer barrel cooler.
You celebrated New Year's Eve at the 'Zoo', the 'Hard Shell' or Gayden's.
You've had a conversation about the Bible with Freddie Gilotti.
You are too cheap to pay your way into a high school football game so you drive your car
on top of a coal bank a mile away for a perched view of the action.
For a cultural experience, you spend an evening sipping Yuengling Lager and shooting
darts at the Charles Dickens Inn.
As a high schooler, you were able to legally drink and play football.
You visited "Veso's Zoo" in the hills behind Kulpmont.
You don't react to the threat of a nuclear holocaust when the East End's siren goes off.
You are not of Asian, Hispanic or African descent.
Turner told you to "keep the wheels on the road" after selling you a six pack.
You answer your own questions. Ex. "Are you coming to our house no?"
Every weekend you and your high school buddies are upda bush drinking until midnight.
Your view out your window is either the sh*t crick or the coal banks.
You own a bar, video store, or pizza place.
You swim in dirty stripping pits.
You spend most of your underage life in zog's(the hillside tavern).
When the 9:00 whistles blows you know its time to go home.
When you want to fight someone you say: "Vine Street...3:00!"
You go to the local fire company block party to watch your teachers get drunk.
Your favorite pastime is shooting or throwing beer bottles at roadsigns.
Your pick-up has at least two rolls of duct tape holding it together.
Your grandmother, of any nationality, wears a babushka.
You think only God has the proper resume to take over after Joe Paterno leaves Penn
State.
To the rest of the world, Hooters is a restaurant chain. To you it's a band from
Philadelphia.
You're still not not over the breakup of Journey.
Plaid gives you Catholic school flash backs.
You can easily spell and pronounce last names like Wojciechowsky,Ricigliano, and
Callaghan.
You've eaten coal candy.
You don't think a stripping hole is an adult club.
While the rest of the country is celebrating Fat Tuesday, you're celebrating Donut Day.
You think A Treat soda is a national brand.
You consider a marriage between a person from St. John's and St.Pat's Catholic Churches
a mixed marriage.
You still have halupkies on New Year's Day.
You want to scream every time a newscaster tries to pronounce Schuylkill.
You're shocked to find out no one in your office knows what Yuengling beer is.
People wonder why you'd bet dollars to donuts on anything.
No matter where you live, you still think it's warmer than Frackville.
You're the only person on your street who "straightens the house" before
guests come over.
You can dodge potholes at 55 m.p.h.
You get misty-eyed when you see Mrs. T.'s pierogies in the frozen food section of the
supermarket.
You can polka with the best of them!
You end each sentence with "yeah" - "I was to Weis's and they got wings
for 2.99 a pound, yeah"
When you came home from playing outside all day your mother asked you "Where were
you, playing in a coal hole?" Sometimes in fact, you were!!!
To the Beginning of Time
Email: puredeelit@aol.com
