Part XI

During the night...

"Ahhh..." said Pa-Tria, as she was preparing to sleep, "I can't wait until tomorrow."

"Why's that?" asked Em-Chai, who was styling Pa's hair.

"Why, tomorrow's the day I will literally win Shang's heart."

"Oh yes, that reminds me. I have to have a little talk with you."

"About what? If it's about the birds and the bees, I learned all that stuff from Jenn-Lee."

"What?!"

"Yeah, the birds eat the bees. We're all part of a great circle of life. We are one; stuff like that."

"Yes... that's... right. Umm, that wasn't what I was going to talk you about, though."

"Really? Then what is it? Please don't tell me you're not my real mother either."

"No, I am your real mother, and that's why it's important that I talk to you about your.... obsession."

"OBSESSION?! What are you talking about?!" Pa-Tria narrowed her eyes and stared intently at Em-Chai.

Em-Chai stopped brushing Pa's hair. "Well... umm... you're obsession with Shang. It's unhealthy."

"UNHEALTHY?!"

"I mean, look at you! You're all skin and bones. And your hair absolutely dishonors me! When was the last time you showered?"

"Mother! Eating, bathing, and other unimportant activities like those would only slow me down! I've got to focus on necessary life activities! Like collecting Shang dolls!"

"I didn't even know they made those."

"Well, after the whole Shan-Yu incident, my Shang's been very popular."

Pa-Tria looked at her desk and noticed one of her Shang dolls missing.

"AAAAHHHHH!!! What happened to my Shang doll! Mother!"

"Oh, all right, here's your Shang doll." Em-Chai handed Pa her doll. "I was only trying to help you ease off your obsession."

"Well you're not helping me at all!" said Pa-tria, as she hugged her Shang doll tightly.

"Should I leave you two alone?" asked Em-Chai.

"Mom," said Pa-Tria, ignoring her mother's cheap jab, "don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I do, honey, but I've got a reputation to keep up."

"What reputation? You abandoned us!"

"Well, I didn't say it was a reputation for being a good mother. With hair like yours, I'd be laughed out of the hairdressing community."

"With the way you style hair, I'm surprised you haven't been already."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" screamed Em-Chai furiously.

"Alright, alright, you're a great hairdresser... and a great warrior too."

"That's much better."

"Wait a sec, what about Jam?" asked Pa-Tria. Have you had this talk with her?! I mean she gave up her age and beauty for him! I only gave up 10 bucks!"

"I've already had this talk with with her. After all, my favorite... ummm... oldest daughter goes first."

"Well, how'd SHE take it?"

"Rather oddly, actually. She broke out into song about her obsession.

She acted like she was in a Disney film."

"What?! She thinks she can one-up me, does she? Well, I'll show her how obsessed I am! Alright, it's time for me to break out into song and start singing with words that come from thin air!" said Pa-Tria.

"Oh, great," sighed Em-chai. "I'm just the luckiest mother in the world." Em-chai rolled her eyes and left the room.

Pa-Tria looked outside the window and saw Shang. "Aahhhh," she said. "Inspiration!"

Pa-Tria took a sip of water and started singing. "Ahem. If I never knew you... Wait, that's not right. Hmm... A guy like you... Oh no! That's just horrendous... Wait, here we are..."

Pa-Tria's Obsession

(Pa-Tria sees Shang outside of her window and thinks to herself) Ahhh...

Oh, what a man that Shang is!
How could such a perfect man be in my sights?
Oh... how long I've waited for this...
So many lonely days and endless nights!

I can't wait until we're together, my love
I just can't wait until tomorrow!
I'll beat them, I'll win you,
And leave those other girls in sorrow

Oh, won't tomorrow be full of endless bliss?
The day we'll finally be together!
We'll hug, we'll wave, we'll give each other a kiss,
And be with each other forever!

Ancestors be with me tomorrow...
Will you please give me a sign?
Will someone else get him,
Or will he be MINE?

(One of Pa-Tria's Ancestors appears)

Ancestor:
Do you think that I'm a fortune teller?

All I can tell you is: Stop being so obsessed!
Just be calm tonight, you'll make it through
Get some practice and some rest
And maybe tomorrow the winner will be you...

(Ancestor disappears)

WHAT?!

Why does everyone think I'm obsessed?
I'm really not, I'm just a little stressed!
After all, each moment had
Without Shang is very sad...
It's enough to make a girl go mad!

Calm down, girl... Ahh....

Oh, what a perfect man is he!
A man with such a great body!
Oh, yes, there's also his personality...

Is there no one on this earth,
As perfect as Shang?
He's just the perfect man...
With a balance of Yin and Yang

Like the beautiful moon above him
Like the rocky earth below his feet
As manly as the great typhoon,
But just as sensitive... how sweet!

I've just thought of the most horrible thing...
What if I lose you?
No, that's impossible!
But if I do...

I'll make up a plan,
So I won't be beat!
Why play fair?
When I can cheat?

HAHA!

Oh, what a wonderful plan!
No matter what, he will be mine!
I will win that wonderful man!
And we'll be together in no time!

Good-bye Mulan!
Good-bye Jam-Yai!
Good-bye Amy-kee!
No one else will win him but I!

Am I obsessed?
YES!

CRASH! Pa-Tria turned around and saw Jenn-Lee by the doorway.

"Will you EVER shut up?!" said Jenn-Lee. "Some people are trying to get some beauty sleep!"

"Judging by the way you look," replied Pa-Tria, "you're way pass the beauty sleep thing. What you need is a good plastic surgeon. Here, I'll give you the address of mine's..... uhh... Jam-Yai's."

"Exactly WHAT are you implying?!"

"Errr.... nothing." Pa-Tria gave Jenn-Lee a wide smile.

"Hmm...... just shut your mouth! Next time I won't miss!" Jenn-Lee then left for her bedroom.

"Miss? What on earth is she talking about?" Pa-Tria looked down and saw a broken vase by her feet...

********

The next morning...

"Ahhh...it's finally time," yawned Mulan as she woke up. "It's time for me and Shang to finally be together. Those other girls have no chance. It would take a miracle for them to win!"

"Did somebody ask for a miracle?!" exclaimed a familiar voice. A small snake-like figure appeared by Mulan's doorway.

"Oh no, it couldn't be!" screamed Mulan.

"Yes, it is I! Your gallant guardian! Your faithful friend! Your dashing drago--"

"My loser lizard?" interrupted Mulan.

"Yes, your loser lizard... Hey! Is that any way to treat your loyal companion?!"

"Mushu, you know I love you, but I just don't need you here."

"You... you don't NEED me?!" screamed Mushu, close to tears. "There's something wrong with that line, sister, cuz it's me who don't need YOU!" Mushu headed for the door.

"Alright, Mushu, you can stay," said Mulan, feeling sorry. "I need someone to talk to anyway."

"I knew you'd see it my way! So, what you been up to?"

"Well... it's Shang."

"What about him?" asked Mushu. "Oh, I get. You two lovebirds eloped.

That's why you two were missing." Mushu winked at Mulan.

"I wish! I'm actually here because there are other girls who want him to."

"And?"

"Well, we're here to compete in a tournament."

"Ohhh, I love a good tournament. What type and what's the prize?"

"Well, whoever wins gets Shang... and it's a rock, paper, scissors tournament."

A moment of silence...

"HAHA! You almost had me goin there! Now what are you really competing in?"

"Well......"

"Oh... you're serious. Well, whatever floats your boat, Mulan... Wait a sec... so that's what all those people were doin outside!"

"What?! What people?!"

"Well, there was Shang... and a whole buncha other crazy people. 2 girls in particular were really whacko. They were hugging Shang dolls! They reminded me of..."

"Jam-yai and Pa-Tria!" screamed Mulan. "I'm late!" Mulan quickly got dressed and ran outside.

Outside...

"Where's Mulan?" wondered Shang.

"Alright, let the tournament begin!" exclaimed Em-Chai, just as Mulan arrived.

"Whoo... I made it," said Mulan.

"Whoo... she made it," said Shang.

"Darn! She made it!" thought both Jam and Pa.

"Well, I guess everyone's here," said Jenn-Lee. "Let's start!"

"WAIT!" said a mysterious voice. "You can't start without me!" Yet another mysterious hooded figure appeared in the center of the court from out of thin air.

"Wh.....who are you?" asked Alex.

"I am Bai-kee! I am here to win Shang!" said the hooded figure.

"Oh, no," sighed Shang, as he shook his head. "Not ANOTHER one..."

"How'd you appear from out of thin air?" asked Jenn-Lee.

"Why, I have this cool little magic medallion," replied Bai-kee.

Everyone stared at Jane-Yee.

"So," said Jam-Yai, "you have other clients too?!"

"Hey, can you blame me?" asked Jane-Yee. "I don't look this beautiful with only one client."

"You took her age and beauty too?!" asked Jam. "How can that be? She only looks like she's in her teens!"

"I didn't say anything about taking her life force. She paid me with a year supply of makeup and skin rejuvenation creams."

"WHAT?!" screamed Jam-Yai furiously. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"Wait a second," said Pa-Tria. "Bai-kee? Are you in any way related to Amy-kee?"

Amy-kee bowed her head down in shame. "She is NOT my sister!" screamed Amy-kee. "I have no sister!"

"Sis," said Bai-kee. "I didn't know you were here."

"You are NOT my sister!" screamed Amy-kee angrily. "What type of sister would steal her sister's boyfriend!"

"GASP!" screamed everyone in disbelief.

"Wait a second," said Alex. "Wasn't Amy's boyfriend Chi-fu?!"

"GASP!!!!" screamed everyone in more disbelief.

"Ewww..." said Mulan. "You have one sick family."

"HEY!" said Bai-kee! "I only stole him because I was... jealous."

"You were jealous that she got Chi-fu?" asked Mulan.

"Not exactly. I was jealous that she had a boyfriend at all," replied Bai-kee.

"So what are you doing here?!" asked Amy-kee. "You want to steal my Shang too?!"

"Your Shang?!" screamed Jam-Yai, as she rolled her sleeves up.

Alex-Yee-Beans held her back.

"No... I broke up with Chi-fu. You see I've always loved Shang... Ever since we met..."

"But I've never met you," said Shang.

"Well... ever since I met your doll 2 days ago." replied Bai-kee, hugging her deluxe Shang doll with removable cape and sword accessories.

"Ooohhh," said Pa-Tria. "I must have that!"

"Anyways, are we ready to begin now?" asked Em-Chai.

"But now there are 5 people," said Mulan. "Someone's gotta go... unless a sixth person enters, and we all know the chance of that happeni---"

"I'll enter!" exclaimed a mysterious voice.

"Pretty good, I guess" said Jane-Yee.

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