Part XII

"I believe you all know me," said the mysterious hooded figure, as it came from the shadows.

"Your voice sounds familiar," said Mulan, eyeing the hooded figure closely. "Granny Fa, is that you?!"

The mysterious hooded figure took of her hood to reveal the face of Granny Fa!

"Granny, how could you?!" screamed Mulan. "You said you'd never take him away from me!" Mulan burst into tears.

Alex, seeing his chance, comforted her. "Now, now, Mulan," he said.

"It'll be alright." Alex wiped a tear from her face and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you, Alex. It's nice knowing I have friends." Mulan released her grip on Alex, but Alex was still hugging her tightly. "Umm... Alex, you can let go now."

"Umm, right," said Alex, embarassed.

"It won't be alright," said Granny. "You all know I'll win Shang. I mean, someone as pathetic as you are could never beat me."

"Granny, why are you doing this? I always thought you cared about me!" said Mulan, getting ready to cry again.

Alex reached towards her to hug her again, but Shang had gotten to her before him. Alex's eyes turned green with envy...

"Don't worry, Mulan, after I win I'll kill... umm.... kiss him for you." said Granny. "Kiss him to death...," she added under her breath.

"Well," said Jenn-Lee, "nothing in the rules disqualifies old, mean, grandmothers from competing.

"Rules?" asked Shang.

"Yeah," said Em-Chai. "I wrote them down last night, see?" Em-Chai pulled out a scroll and showed it to Shang.

"Ummm, what's this about a Loser rule? Why does it say the losers get thrown into a pit of sharp, rusty nails?" asked Shang as he read over it.

"Uhhh....." said Em-Chai. "How'd that get in there?" Em-Chai smiled and crossed that part out. "There, all better."

"Anyway!" screamed Granny to get their attention. As everyone looked at Granny, Em-Chai wrote in the Loser rule again. "Can we start now?"

"Wait! You can't start without us!" screamed two familiar voices...

"NOT AGAIN!" screamed Jam-Yai.

********

"OH NO!" screamed Mulan. "I didn't think my day could get any worse!" Mulan burst into tears again.

Alex rushed to hug her again, but two familiar people already got to her."Now, now, stop your crying! We know you're happy to see us!" said a familiar voice.

"Yes, Baba," said Mulan, wiping away her tears.

"I don't know why you didn't tell us about this," said Fa Zhou.

"Ooohh, we're so excited! My wittle Muwan's all gwown up now! Yes she is!" said Fa Li, pinching Mulan's cheeks.

"Mama! I'm not a child anymore!"

"Then what explains that Little Lisa Lulu doll you're holding?" asked Fa Zhou.

"Umm... What are you talking about?" said Mulan, as she hid the doll behind her.

"So, Mulan, why didn't you tell us about this?" asked Fa Li.

"Well... I didn't think you would approve." replied Mulan.

"Of course we would! Shang is an honorable man, and is worthy of you, Mulan. I'm so glad you're marrying him!" said Fa Zhou.

"MARRYING HIM?!" screamed Pa, Jam, Bai, Jenn and Alex simultaneously.

"Of course!" said Fa Li. "Mushu told us all about it. Why do you all look so surprised? Aren't you here for the wedding too?"

"Uhh, mom, there's something I have you tell you." said Mulan. "I'm not marrying him-yet. I have to sorta win him in a Rock, Paper, Scissors Tournament. THEN I can marry him."

Fa Zhou and Fa Li stared at her. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they both laughed.

"You almost had me there," said Fa Zhou. "I always said you had a good sense of humor!"

Mushu walked into the courtyard.

"Mushu, you should hear the joke Mulan just told us," said Fa Li.

"Ooohh, someone's gotta funny? Lemme hear it!" said Mushu.

"Mulan said that she's not marrying Shang, but competing in a Rock, Paper, Scissors Tournament to win him!" said Fa Zhou. "Have you ever heard anything funnier in your life?"

Mushu stood with an odd expression on his face. "Well, sir..." he said.

"Mulan!" said Fa Li. "Please tell us this isn't true!"

"Umm... their notes, in case I forget something?"

"Oh, don't use that excuse again!" scolded Fa Li. "Great, now what am I going to do with that wedding cake?!" she said, pointing to a wedding cake in a cart.

"Did someone say cake?" asked Bai-kee. "I'll have some!"

"At the looks of you," said Jam-Yai, "you should lay off the cake for a while."

Bai-kee ignored her and rushed towards the cake, stuffing her mouth with it.

"Well, I'm glad we got some use of that soy sauce cake with sweet-and-sour icing." said Fa Li.

Bai-kee realized what the cake was made of and spit it out.

"Blech! Ptui! Ptui!" said Bai-kee, trying to get every last taste of the cake out of her mouth. "Are you trying to poison us?!"

"Mmm.... soy sauce cake with sweet-an-sour icing!" said Mushu. "Bring it here, baby!" He rushed towards the cake and ate the remainder of it.

"Anyway, Mulan," said Fa Zhou. "I've decided that you may do this, but only if you know you will win!"

"Yes," said Fa Li, "we have a long list of Rock, Paper, Scissors champions in our family. It would be great to add you to the list along with myself, your father, and Granny. Speaking of which..."

"NO!" interrupted Mulan. "Great, now Granny's going to win..."

"I'm going to win what?" asked yet another mysterious figure coming in through the villa gates. "Oooh, I hope it's a mountain climbing lesson! I've always wanted to try something safe and unchallenging."

"Granny?!" screamed Mulan, as she saw Granny coming from the gates. She turned around and saw the other Granny still there.

"Who'd you think it would be? The tooth fairy?" said the Granny that just came in.

"Tooth fairy? Where?!" asked the other Granny.

"Wait a second," said Mulan. "You're not the real Granny at all!"

"Of course not," said the mean Granny. "It's time to reveal my true self!"

A flash of light blinded everyone in the court, and when it stopped, everyone saw who the mean Granny really was...

"Uhh..." said Mulan, "you still look like Granny!"

"Oh, right," said the mean Granny. She swooshed and wooshed her hands, and suddenly turned into...

"It is I, Shan-Paul!"

********

"I knew you were strange," said Pa-Tria, "but I didn't think you were that strange."

Meanwhile, Shang fainted, and Jam struggled to pick him up.

"Don't worry," said Jam, holding Shang's head. "I'm going to win you anyway." She kissed Shang on the cheek and stood up. Unfortunately, that meant noone was holding Shang, so he crashed back onto the floor.

"What's the meaning of this?" asked Jam-Yai, not noticing Shang on the floor.

"Simple, my dear," said Shan-Paul. "If I win him, I will kill him for what he did to the Huns! Plus, there's the bonus of seeing Mulan suffer because of Shang's death at my hands!"

"Ahem!" said Pa-Tria.

"Sorry, Pa, but our deal's off. You no longer have to work for me."

"What?! You were the one working for ME!" said Pa-Tria.

"That's what I had you think," said Shan-Paul, "but I was the one who was really in command."

"But I'm the one who made all the plans!"

"Well, uhh, that's not important! A real leader carries out the plans."

"I was the one who carried them out! Come to think of it, I did everything!"

"Well, uhhh... Anyways," said Shan-Paul, changing the subject, "shall we begin?"

"Wait a second," said Jenn-Lee. "I don't want my son dying. There must be something in the rules that would keep Shan-Paul from entering."

"Nope, sorry," said Em-Chai. "According to the rules, anyone can enter. Plus, the winner gets to do whatever they want with Shang, whether it be something disgusting like marry him, or something wonderful like kill him."

Everyone stared at Em-Chai. "Whoops, hehe, I guess I should revise some things the next time we do this."

"There won't be a next time!" said Mulan.

"Actually...." said Jenn-Lee.

"Well, let's start!" said Jam-Yai.

"WAIT!" said Bai-kee. "Something's wrong, terribly wrong..."

********

"I have no makeup on! Let me get my makeup on and I'll be back in a jiffy!" said Bai-kee.

"Oooh, that reminds me," said Pa-Tria, "I have to put some makeup on myself. C'mon, Jam, you should put some makeup on too."

"My makeup IS on!" screamed Jam-Yai angrily.

"Ummm, alright..." Pa ran into Jenn's house.

An hour later...

Everyone outside had fallen asleep waiting for Bai and Pa to put there makeup on. Bai-kee was still putting her makeup on, but Pa-Tria was already done and stepped outside.

"Psst," she wispered, nudging Shan-Paul.

Shan-Paul woke up and stretched his arms. "What is it, mommy?" asked Shan-Paul, still half asleep.

"Wake up you buffoon!" whispered Pa loudly. "That was a good performance back there."

"Why, thank you, I am quite proud of my acting skills."

"You may have overdone it, though. You acted too smart, and they might get suspicious about how smart you're acting all of a sudden."

"HEY! Me no stupid Hun!"

"Whatever, but remember that Shang is mine! You're not here to kill him, you're here to help me cheat, remember?! I effectively double my chances of winning by having you here. Plus, we both win if one of us wins."

"Yes, Mulan will never suspect a thing if she thinks I'm after Shang." "And it'll be easier to cheat if you're there to help me."

"Yes, it's perfect! I'm glad I thought of this plan," gloated Shan-Paul.

"I was the one who thought of the plan, you idiot!"

"Oh yeah... Anyway, shall we laugh maniacally now, or later?"

"Now would be a good time."

Mwahahahahahahahahah Mwahahahahaahahahahah!

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