Part XIII
Two hours later...
"Alright, guys," said Bai-kee as she came out of the house, "I'm done with my makeup." She saw everyone sleeping heavily. "I SAID I'M DONE!!!!"
"Huh? Wha?" said Shang as he woke up. He yawned and stretched his arms.
"I just had a horrible nightmare! There were these crazy girls named Jam-Yai and Pa-Tria, and---" He looked around and saw everyone. "Oh no! It wasn't a nightmare!"
"Of course not, Shang," said Jam-Yai, stretching her arms as she walked over to Shang. "Why, it's all a dream for me. I didn't think I'd ever be this close to you." She sat next to Shang and put her head on his shoulder.
"Ahhh..."
"Get off my man!" screamed Pa-Tria. She pushed Jam off Shang and put her head on his shoulder. "Ahhh, that's better."
"Uhhh," said Shang, "I have to talk to my mom. Excuse me." Shang got up, and Pa fell to the floor.
"YAWN!" yawned Em-Chai. "That sure took a long time. So, is everyone ready NOW?"
"Not yet," said Mulan. "We should all stretch out and get to know each other."
"That would be a good idea," said Bai-Kee. "I hardly know anyone here!"
"Alright," said Em-Chai. "You have 10 minutes, and then we start!"
Bai-kee, Jam-Yai, and Pa-Tria all walked towards Shang to talk to him.
"Shang?" asked Bai-Kee. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Water? Me?"
"Uhhh, some water would be great," replied Shang, blushing.
"Alright, deary," said Bai-kee. "Lemme go get you some." Bai-kee walked away to get some water.
"So, Shang," said Jam, "now that Bai-kee's gone, you can reveal your feelings for me." Jam winked at him subtlely.
"HA!" interrupted Pa-Tria. "Feelings for YOU?! Don't you mean feelings for ME?!" Pa threw herself onto Shang.
"Get OFF him!" screamed Jam, pushing Pa-Tria away.
"Now, now, girls, there's no need to fight.... right now, anyway." said Shang.
"Hmmph," said Pa, "alright, I guess I can hug you after I win you."
"Ha!" laughed Jam. "You'll hug Shang, alright- Shang's doll! While you're doing that, I'll be kissing the REAL Shang."
"I don't think so," said Bai-kee, coming out of the house carrying water. "I'm the one who's gonna win Shang!"
"No you won't! I will!" screamed Pa.
"No, I will!" screamed Jam.
The girls continued bickering while Shang quietly snuck away...
"Sigh," sighed Shang, "How'd I end up in this mess? I hope I make better decisions in the future..."
Meanwhile, Fa Li, Fa Zhou, Jenn-Lee, and Em-Chai talked inside the house.
"So, how are you involved in all this, Em-Chai?" asked Fa-Li, sipping some tea.
"Oh," replied Em-Chai, "well, you see, it all started decades ago........."
2 hours later...
"And that's why the sun comes out during the day and the moon comes up at night," finished Em-Chai.
Fa Li sat with her jaw wide open. "Uhhh, Em, that didn't answer my question at all."
"Huh?" said Em, "Oh, yes, my famous noodles contain 2 cups flour, 2 eggs, 3 cups water, and the secret ingredient- ground cow eyes."
"Is THAT what this is?!" asked Fa Zhou, continuing to eat his noodles.
Fa Li stared at Fa Zhou for a moment, then continued, "My question was, how are you involved in all this?"
"Oh, I'm Pa-Tria and Jam-Yai's mother." answered Em.
"She means those two girls outside with Shang dolls." said Jenn.
"Oh, I see," said Fa Li. "You mean those two crazy girls who were drooling over Shang."
"Exactly."
"EXCUSE ME?!" exclaimed Em. "They may be obsessed and crazy, but they're still my children and only _I_ may make fun of them."
"Some mother you are," said Jenn. "First you abandon you're children then you make fun of them."
"Well, Jenn," cut in Fa Li, "as I remember it she wasn't the only one who left her children behind."
"WHAT?!" yelled Jenn. "Are you implying I'm an even worse mother than that witch over there?!"
"HEY!" screamed Em.
"And at least my kid didn't leave ME!" continued Jenn.
"You take that back!" said Fa Zhou.
"Well, she does have a good point," said Fa Li.
"Quiet! Don't support her!" replied Fa Zhou.
"Hey! You were the one who made Mulan upset that night!"
"And YOU were the one who expected her to be a perfect bride!"
"Wait, let's get back to the focus, here. Jenn-Lee's a bad mother!"
"I HAD to leave," cried Jenn. "I had to leave for my son's safety. It was the hardest decision of my life! What's the matter? You've never had to make decisions?!"
"She's right," said Em, looking sorrowful. "When the Huns threatened me I had to leave before they found out I had children."
"I guess you're both right," said Fa Li. "I remember a time when I had Granny take care of Mulan while I went to the market."
"I don't see how that relates to their stories." said Fa Zhou.
"Uh... well... I was just trying to say that.... nevermind."
"Well," said Jenn, raising her cup of tea, "I propose all our future decisions will benefit our children."
"Well said," said Em. "A toast to hard liquo--- umm... our children."
"A toast," said Fa Li, "a toast to better decisions..."
Meanwhile, Jane-Yee and Amy-Kee talked outside...
"Well, things are moving smoothly so far." said Jane-Yee.
"Yes, no one suspects a thing." said Amy-Kee. "With my sibling here, we effectively double our chances of getting Shang..."
"Yes, but remember that Bai-Kee may also mess up our chances of getting him."
"Hmm... you're right," said Jane-Yee. "She made a bad decision coming here."
"Well, our decisions have already been made. We can only change our future decisions."
"Do you think it's too late?"
"No, the cake still needs to bake for another 30 minutes."
"I mean too late for us to stop being evil. I've heard of this new-fangled thing called "discussion" that's supposed to work wonders when trying to get what you want."
"Well, there are still future decisions to be made...."
Shan-Paul looked on from the shadows, hearing every word.....
Meanwhile, Alex, Mulan, and Khan took a stroll in the garden...
"Mulan?" asked Alex. "Would you reconsider loving me again?"
"Alex...." said Mulan. "I do still love you, but only as a friend."
"But if you lose, would you reconsider?!"
"Maybe, but wouldn't you be insulted that I only chose you because I couldn't get Shang?"
"Not at all! As long as I'm with you!"
"That's sweet, but right now I only love Shang."
"So you're mind's made up?"
"Yes, I've made up my mind... I've already made my decision..."
Part XIV
As Jam-Yai and Bai-Kee continued bickering, Pa-Tria snuck away to meet with Shan-Paul.
"Is that you Pa-Tria?" asked Shan-Paul from the shadows.
"Yes, it's me," replied Pa.
"So, shall we discuss our strategy?"
"No, we're here to share recipes."
"Oh, goody! I've got this really great one for sweet and sour shrimp!"
Shan-Paul pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.
"IDIOT!" screamed Pa-Tria, snatching the paper away from him. "Oh, so the secret is to use shrimp... What am I thinking?! We're here to discuss exactly how we'll cheat."
"Oh, right. So.... what do you have planned?"
"Well, first, we'll switch the lineup so that Amy will face Bai, you'll face Mulan, and I'll face Jam."
"Then we blow them up?!"
"No, we don't blow them up..." said Pa, rolling her eyes. "I thought of that, but that would be too conspicuous. Instead, we're going to use these pendants from Amy-kee to controls their minds and force them to lose."
"I'm surprised you were able to convince Amy to help us."
"Well, uhh... I didn't. I just 'borrowed' these," said Pa with an evil grin. "In any case, the plan is to make Amy-kee, Mulan, and Jam lose. Then in the Triple Threat Match, we'll eliminate Jam. Finally, we'll face off together, using our telepathic powers to communicate with each other."
"But we don't have telepathic powers."
"Oh, right. Then I guess we'll have to come up with a simpler method. I know! If I laugh, I'm choosing rock; if I guffaw, I'm doing paper; and if I giggle, I'm going to choose scissors."
"Uhh.... alright...."
"Now, remember, I'm the one who wins, and during the ceremony, you can kidnap Mulan without any hassle, and no one ever finds out what we did."
"And then we get to blow them up, right?"
"Sigh.... Why do I even bother?"
A while later...
"ALRIGHT EVERYONE!" screamed Em-Chai. "It's FINALLY time to begin the tournament."
Everyone gathered into the courtyard of Jenn-Lee's estate.
"Alright," said Jenn-Lee, "Here are the rules. The six of you will be paired off into 3 tiers. Winners will advance into the semi-finals, where we'll have a special 3-way match. Rules for that match will be disclosed later. Matches will be won when someone wins 3 out of 5 rounds. Anyway, shall we begin?"
"Mushu, bang the gong," said Fa Li.
"I thought my days doin this were over." grumbled Mushu, reluctantly holding up the gong.
"Just do it," said Fa Li.
BONG!!!!!!
"And our first match," said Em-Chai, "shall be Amy-Kee against Bai-Kee."
"Ahhhh, the 'sisters'," thought Shan-Paul, holding the pendant tightly in his hands. "Time to work my magic." He held the pendant up, concentrated, and...
"Must lose..." thought Amy-Kee to herself, walking towards the Battle Circle. "I must lose..."
"UGGGGHH!" moaned Shan-Paul, as Bai-kee pushed him out of her way and into... Pa-Tria.
"What are you doing you idiot?!" screamed Pa-Tria. "You're supposed to be controlling Amy-Kee's mind, not bumping into me!"
"But it wasn't my fault!" said Shan-Paul.
"Don't give me any excuses!"
"Don't you yell at me!"
"Wha?" said Amy-Kee, coming out of the trance. "What's going on?"
"What's going ON is our match." said Bai-Kee.
Amy-Kee shook her head. "Oh, yeah, now I remember. Well, let's get started."
"Good old scissors," thought Amy-Kee. "Nothing ever beats scissors."
"Alright, begin!" said Em-Chai.
"Scissors!" said Amy.
"Rock!" said Bai.
"Darn in," thought Amy. "Well, scissors will win next time."
"Scissors!" said Amy again.
"Rock!" said Bai.
"Hmm.... if I don't win this one I'll lose my chance to make Chi-Fu jealous! I seem to be sensing a pattern, so maybe I'll change my strategy..."
"Rock!" said Bai.
"Scissors!" said Amy.
"And the winner of our first match is.. Bai-Kee!" exclaimed Jenn-Lee. "A clean sweep, too..."
Pa-Tria and Shan-Paul stopped fighting.
"Hmm...," said Pa-Tria, "Good job."
"Uhh.. thanks." said Shan-Paul, looking puzzled "That's strange, I don't remember...."
"Darn it!" yelled Amy-Kee. "And I already had my wedding dress picked out.
"Anyhow, we'll now move onto our second match. Pa-Tria and Jam-Yai, please approach the Battle Circle." said Em-Chai.
"Good luck, girls," said Jenn-Lee.
"Hmm..." thought Pa-Tria. "Shan-Paul better come through..."
Shan-Paul held his pendant up yet again, formed a rock with his fist and...
"Rock!" said Jam.
"Paper!" said Pa-Tria, smiling gleefully.
"First round goes to Pa-Tria!" said Jenn-Lee.
"Rock!" said Jam yet again, in a dazed state.
"Paper!" said Pa-Tria, giggling to herself.
"What's she doing?" asked Shan-Paul to himself, mistaking her giggling as a sign. "I thought we agreed that I would just make her choose rock. But, oh well..."
"Paper!" said Jam.
"Roc----" said Pa-Tria. "Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Calm down, girl," said Mushu. "You're about to give yo'self a hernia.
Besides, ya still got at least 2 more chances."
"Right," said Pa-Tria to herself, "and at least he's making it look real. Hmm... I guess he's changed the strategy."
"Super-mega-death-satellite-laser-beam!!! Er.... Scissiors," said Pa.
"Paper!" said Jam, as Shan-Paul released her from his control.
"YES!!!" said Pa-Tria.
"C'mon, girl, you act like you already won Shang." said Mushu.
"Whaa??" questioned Jam-Yai. "What happened? Did I win?"
"Wow, you must have a really short memory," said Pa-Tria, "because what just happened was me kicking your huney bun."
"But I don't even remem--" said Jam.
"No excuses!" said Jenn-Lee. "And now, for our final match, Shan-Yu versus Mulan. Will the two of you please approach the battle circle."
Shan-Paul approached the Battle Circle, and winked at Pa.
"Well, well," said Shan-Paul to Mulan, "looks like it's our turn."
"Go!" said Em-Chai.
"Paper!" said Mulan.
"Rock!" said Shan-Paul.
"Yes!" said Mulan with delight.
"Scissors!" said Shan-Paul.
"Rock!" said Mulan.
"Darn it," thought Shan-Paul to himself. "What is Pa-Tria doing?" He threw a rock at her.
"Hey, what's the big deal?" asked Pa-Tria, being interrupted during the process of filing her nails. "Oh, right. Hehe."
"Scissors!" said Mulan, being controlled by Pa.
"Rock!" said Shan-Paul.
"Scissors!" said Mulan, again in a dazed state.
"Rock!" said Shan-Paul yet again.
"Scissors!" said Mulan yet again.
"Rock!" said Shan-Paul. "YEAH!!!"
Mulan came out of her dazed state. "Huh??" she said.
"I'm sorry, honey," said Fa Li.
"Sorry?"
"About you losing," continued Fa Zhou.
"I lost?!?!!?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"Now, now, no need to be a sore loser."
Mulan burst into tears and ran into Jenn-Lee's house.
"Poor girl," thought Pa-Tria to herself. "Almost gives me a bad feeling about cheating. Alright, it's gone now."
"Alright," shouted Jenn-Lee, "our semi-finalists are: Bai-Kee, Pa-Tria, and Shan-Paul. Can we have a round of applause for our losers--- err, winning-impaired." Everyone clapped silently. "Anyway, now it's time for out Triple Threat Match, in which one of our remaining players will be eliminated. This match will be played a little differently. It will consist of ONE sudden-death round between all 3 of you. Each will use both hands in forming a rock, paper, or scissors. Whoever has TWO losing hands will be eliminated. If someone does not have two losing hands, the game will continue until we do so."
"Doesn't that defeat the meaning of sudden death?" asked Bai-Kee.
"Yes, well... Are you ready?"
"But you didn't answer my ques--"
"ARE YOU READY?" repeated Jenn-Lee.
"Yes," said the three semi-finalists.
"Okay, SHOOT!"
Shan-Paul chose Rock again Pa-Tria, and Paper against Bai-kee, while Pa-Tria chose Rock against Paul and Scissors against Bai-Kee. Bai-Kee chose Rock against Shan-Paul and Paper against Pa-Tria.
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Bai-Kee.
The three of them dispersed, and waited for Jenn-Lee to officially announce the winners.
"Looks like our finalists are Pa-Tria and, um... Shan-Paul," announced Jenn-Lee.
"Alright, are you two ready? Approach the Battle Circle! This time 2 out of 3 wins!" said Em-Chai.
"YES!" thought Pa-Tria. "Shang will finally be mine! All Shan-Paul has to do now is lose to me!"
Pa got up and went to the Battle Circle. Shan-Paul was already there.
"Are you ready?" asked Em-Chai.
"Yes," said Pa-Tria. She winked her at Shan-Paul, and he winked back.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors go SHOOT!" said Em-Chai.
"Rock!" said Shan-Paul.
"Paper!" said Pa-Tria. "Yes! I win!"
"Round 2!"
"Scissors!" said Shan-Paul.
"Paper!" said Pa-Tria.
"I win this round," said Shan-Paul, with a villainous smile.
"Good," thought Pa-Tria. "Make it look real..."
"Scissors!" said Pa-Tria.
"ROCK!"
********
"And our winner is................ Shan-Paul," said Jenn-Lee. Shang looked on, still not believing what just happened.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Pa-Tria. She suddenly found her hands around Shan-Paul's neck, squeezing tightly. "I was supposed to win!" she screamed. "ME!ME!ME!"
"Get off!" said Shan-Paul, pushing Pa off him.
"You were supposed to help me win! I didn't get you to help me cheat just so you would win!" Everyone stared at Pa-Tria in shock.
"Yes, it's true," said Shan-Paul. We used these pendants to control your minds and force you to lose. Well, except for Amy-Kee.
"So!" said Jam-Yai. "That's why I lost!"
"That explains why I lost too!" said Amy-kee.
"Uhh," said Bai-Kee, "Shan-Paul just finished saying you were the only one who didn't need help losing."
"Oh, right," said Amy-kee, her eyes flaring with anger.
"Well," said Jenn-Lee, "since Shan-Paul won unfairly, I guess we'll have to do the tournament all over again."
"AWWW!!!" complained everyone else.
"PLEASE!" screamed Alex. "No more torture!"
"It's the only way," said Jenn. "Unless..."
"What?" asked Mulan.
"Unless... Shang chooses himself..." said Jenn.
"Forget it," said Mulan. "I remember what happened the last time Shang chose."
"Wait a second," said Shang. "This time I know who I want to be with forever."
"What?" said Mulan. She looked to see if Jam, Pa, or Bai were casting a spell on him.
"Don't look at me," said Pa.
"I didn't do anything," said Jam.
"I didn't do anything either," said Bai.
"HEY!" said Shang. "Don't you think I'm capable of making my own decisions?"
"Well...." said Jam-Yai, "no... not really."
"I don't think you're capable of anything that requires thinking," said Alex-Yee-Beans.
"What was that?" asked Shang, hearing Alex's remark.
"Nothing," said Alex, smiling politely.
"What I think they're trying to say," said Jenn, "is that you're all muscle and no brains."
"How would you know anything about me?" said Shang to himself. "You being the mother who abandoned her son."
Jenn-Lee bowed her head down. "Shang," she said, "you know that I had to leave."
"What we're trying to say," interrupted Jam-Yai, "is that decisions are hard. It would be much better for us to decide for you."
"I'm a grown man now," said Shang. "I should be making my own decisions."
"Shang, listen to your mother. If you make your own decision, you might end up hurting somebody who'll end up hurting you... badly. This way, everyone will be happy."
"But I wouldn't be happy if I lost Shang." said Mulan.
"According to the contracts you all signed you will." replied Jenn.
"What are you talking about?" asked Mulan.
"Well, if you read through the fine print on the contest entry form, you'd see that by signing it you agreed to leaving the winner and Shang alone for the rest of your lives. Plus, you signed away your souls to me...... err.... maybe you should disregard that last part."
"Shang," said Bai. "Just let us win you!"
"Do you all think I'm some sort of prize to be won?" asked Shang irrately.
"Frankly, yes," replied Pa-Tria. "And the accompanying washer and dryer ain't too shabby either."
"Don't forget the 5000 dollar consolation prize!" added Jam-Yai.
"Ooohhh, 5000 bucks, eh?" said Amy-Kee.
"Hmm, I guess some people don't seem to be getting the point," said Shang.
"A mother knows when her son's made up his mind," said Jenn, smiling.
She ripped up the tournament contract.
"Well," said Mulan, "do we all agree to let Shang make his own decision?" Everyone nodded yes.
"Now, Shang," said Jenn. "Decisions are always hard to make. Make sure you choose with your heart, not with fear of being blown up by the losers."
"Alright," said Shang worriedly. "I'm sorry if I didn't choose any of you other fine ladies or, err... Huns, but my I've made my decision. This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, and I promised myself I would never make another bad decision again, and I think we all know that decisions can affect our lives foreve-"
"Shang," said Jenn-Lee, "you're babbling."
"Right. Ahem, I want to spend the rest of my life with..........."
********
"Mulan." continued Shang. Mulan jumped up and down with glee, approached Shang, and gave him a big kiss. They continued to kiss for what seemed like forever...
And they lived happily ever after...
THE END
But the end is just the beginning...
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