Part VIII

"I have come to reclaim my daughters!" said Em-Chai.

"You can have them," said Jenn-Lee. "I don't need those annoying little brats--"

"What did you say?" asked Jam-Yai.

"Uhhh... nevermind," replied Jenn-Lee.

"Mom," said Pa-Tria, "why did you leave us?"

"Simple," replied Em-Chai, "You two were weak! Our family comes from a long line of female warriors, and when you two starter playing with those miserable little Barbies, I knew you would only bring shame to our family's name!"

"B..b..but MOM!!" said Jam-Yai. "Those weren't Barbies; those were Little Lisa LuLu dolls! They're completely different!"

"Little Lisa LuLu?! Oh, goodness, it was worse than I thought!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing," said Em-Chai, shaking her head.

Meanwhile, Alex had finally caught up to Mulan, who had escaped him while he was bringing her to Jane-Yee's hideout. "There you are!" Alex said. "I've been looking for you everywhere!" Alex then caught a glimpse of everyone in the area. "Oh, it seems everyone has assembled here; except for Shan-Paul. He's probably too stupid to track us down. Thank goodness!"

"Oh, really?" said a familiar voice. Shan-Paul then jumped from the tree he was hiding in. "I'm a lot smarter than you take me for," he said. "I've come for you, Mulan!" he said to Jam.

"Ummm... I'm not Mulan," said Jam-Yai. She then pointed towards Mulan. "It seems you're a lot stupider than we take you for. Hehe."

"Hehe, thanks," said Shan-Paul. Wait a second, are you making fun of me!?"

"Umm... no."

"OK, just making sure." Shan-Paul then started walking towards Mulan. As he was walking towards her, he saw Em-Chai. "Em-Chai! What are you doing here!?"

"Uhh...I don't know what you're talking about," said Em-Chai. "I've never met you before in my entire life."

"Oh sure you have! Surely my hairdresser would remember her best customer!"

"HAIRDRESSER!?" said Mulan. "You have a hairdresser!? HAHAHAHA!"

"Hey!" said Shan-Yu. "I can't have this beautiful, lovely hair without a hairdresser!"

"But you're bald!" said Alex.

"I am!? How come no one ever told me!? Em-Chai, I want my money back!"

"Sorry, no refunds," said Em-Chai.

"Wait a minute!" said Pa-Tria. "You said you were a warrior queen!"

"I guess it's time I finally tell you the truth," said Em-Chai. "I am a warrior queen, but my real dream was to become a professional hairdresser! Of course, it's hard to become a hairdresser here in China, so I had to become a warrior queen to finance my dream of opening my very own salon! I was gonna call it Em-Chai's Em-Chanting Salon of Beauty."

"Umm...," said Jam, "That's... a very....interesting... name."

"Thank you. Anyway, I moonlighted as a warrior queen at night, accepting missions from the Emperor to do this and that."

"Uhhh, exactly what is 'this and that'?" asked Pa-Tria.

"Defeating Hun uprisings, protecting villages, and other stuff..."

"Like?"

"OK, OK, I had to clean up after horses too! Are you happy?!"

"Ewwww... now I wished I never asked," exclaimed Pa-Tria.

"Anyway, after I defeated the Huns for the thousandth time, things started to get dangerous. They started threatening me. I got bricks thrown at my house, at night they stood outside taunting, and once, they did something very, very, horrible."

"What?! Did he kidnap one of us?" said Jam-Yai.

"No, worse..... they... they... cut my hair when I was sleeping!!! Waaaahhhhh!!!"

"Ohh.... how tragic," said Pa-Tria sarcastically.

"After that incident, I knew it would no longer be safe for you two with me around, so I moved, hoping the Huns would follow me. They did, and from then on I feared sleeping during the night, fearing that my hair might be cut again. But now I have returned, because I finally have enough money to open my salon, and because the Huns are all dead!"

"AHEM!" said Shan-Paul.

"Well, all but one of them. Besides, I know you'd never hurt your favorite hairdresser!"

"We'll see about that! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Cough! Cough! HAHAHAHA!!!"

"I think we get the idea."

"You will pay for what you've done, Em-Chai. You can mess with the Huns, you can even mess with our minds..... but you never, ever mess with our hair! I'll be back!" Shan-Paul then disappeared into the shadows...

Part IX

"So...," said Em-Chai, "What have you girls been doing while I was away? Nothing bad I hope..."

"Nothing much, really," answered Jam-Yai, "Just using evil powers of the netherworld to get our man and destroy our foes... You know, the type of stuff every teenage girl does."

"Well, uhhh... that's very... nice. So, who is this man you two are so crazy about?"

"He's right over there, mom," said Pa-Tria, pointing towards Shang. "Isn't he cute? I can't wait til we get married! We'll have thousands of kids! Isn't that right, Shang?" Shang blushes as his mom looks at him scornfully.

"WHAT?!" said Jam-Yai. "Only I may have children with Shang! He's marrying me! Not you! In fact, I'm already carrying his baby!"

"What?!" said Shang, Pa, and Jenn-Lee simultaneously.

"Well... ok... I wish I was carrying his baby..." Shang, Pa, and Jenn all breath out a sigh of relief. "Well, anyway, we all know Shang'll choose me! I mean, why would anyone like a girl who still plays with Little Lisa LuLu dolls?"

"You take that back!" said Pa. "I do NOT play with Little Lisa LuLu anymore! You very well know I've upgraded to Big Bertha Boo-Boo and you know it! Besides, why would anyone like a hundred year old witch like you?!"

"Hundred year old witch?! I am not 100 years old! I only look 100 years old. MOM!!! Make her tell the truth!!! WAAHHH!"

"Alright honey," said Em-Chai," Just... stop crying... you're getting my clothes wet. Pa-Tria, apologize to you sister."

"Oh, alright," said Pa," I'm sorry..... sorry that you look so old! Hehe... I know Shang'll be mine!"

"Noooo!! He's mine!" replied Jam-Yai.

"Now, now girls," said Em-Chai,"If you can't share... I'll have to take Shang." Jenn-Lee gives her an evil look. "Hehe, just kidding. Well, looks like we'll have to let Shang decide."

A while later...

"O.K. Shang, we're going to settle this the old-fashioned way," said Em-Chai. "For years we have used this ancient technique to choose who would marry a person. Only recently have we needed a Matchmaker... In fact, many people still prefer to use this technique. O.K. let's start." Em-Chai hands Shang a bottle. "O.K. Shang, it's time for you to play spin the bottle-marriage stlye!"

"O.K. then, here goes!" said Shang. Shang then spins the bottle.

"Go bottle, go bottle, spin spin spin. Whoever you point at soon will win," chanted Em-Chai as the others stare at her.

The bottle spun and spun until finally it stopped and pointed at...

"Jane-Yee?!" screamed an ecstatic Jam-Yai. "NOOO!!!"

"Gulp," said Shang. "I guess I choose you." He gives her a kiss on the cheeks.

"NOOO!!!" screamed Pa-Tria, as her face turned red with anger. "I'll get you, and you're little dog too!"

"I don't have a dog," said Jane-Yee.

"Well, uhh... then I'll just get you!"

"You have nothing to worry about. I'm not interested in Shang. Shang, I suggest you try again."

"Well, O.K., I guess," replied Shang. He then spun the bottle again. The bottle spun and spun and spun until it stopped and pointed at...

********

"Jane-Yee?!" screamed Jam-Yai. "Alright, sister, stand behind that tree." Jane-Yee then sighed and went to the tree. "Go again, Shang, my dear."

"Sigh, here we go again," said Shang as he spun the bottle yet again. The bottle spun for what seemed like years until it finally stopped at...

"Wait a second!" said Jenn-Lee. She then stopped the bottle and picked it up. "This is an immature. childish way for Shang to choose a bride. I suggest the girls fight for him."

"Fight for him?" said Mulan. "What do you mean?"

"I mean fight for him! A bloody death match where the last person alive gets Shang!"

"Hmmm..." said Em-Chai, "Interesting idea... but I just washed my clothes and I don't want them stained now. I have a better idea. The girls will battle for Shang... but they'll do it in an even harder from of fighting... Get ready girls! It's time to play Rocks, Paper, Scissors!"

"Ohhh..." said Alex, "That's soooo exciting..."

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