ALCOHOL WARNING

• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a TOTAL DORK!.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SLAP YOU IN THE FACE.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them at 4am.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the bed the next morning and see something really scary.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol will lead you to believe fat ugly people appear slim and attractive.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.