Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear In An Online Chat Room

10. Nah -- You Wouuldn't Want To Meet Me. I'm A Loser With Bad Skin That Still Lives In His Parents' Basement.

9. There's Porno Online? Yeah -- Like They'd Allow That!

8. The X-Files? What's That?

7. Go Into A Private Chatroom With You? Sorry -- I'm Married. That Just Wouldn't Be Right.

6. You Know...To Get A Really Fast Connection...You've Gotta Go Through America Online.

5. Well...Gotta Go. It's Almost Time To Pick Up My Date.

4. You Don't Really Believe All That Roswell UFO Crap, Do Ya?

3. Star Trek 5? Sorry...Didn't See That One.

2. Well...If You Really Want Expert Advice...You Can't Go Wrong Talking To One Of Those Knowledgable Salespersons At Best Buy

And The Number One Thing You'll Never Hear In A Chat Room...

Where Have I Been Lately? Hey -- Some Of Us Have A Life, Ya Know!