Virus Alert! Virus Alert!
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately. DO NOT OPEN IT.!
Apparently, this one is especially nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so that all of your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will replace all of your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!