In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system...
Simple Duties
You make the bed ........+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows ........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ........-1
You leave the toilet seat
up ........-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty .......0
When the toiletpaper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings........+5
But return with beer ........-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing ........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something ........+5
You pummel it with a six iron ........+10
It's her father ........-10
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable pot belly .......-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it ...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ........-5
Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical ........-5
Something she can't use ........-10
Such as a motorized model airplane ........-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday ........-40
Driving
You lost the directions on a trip ........-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost ........-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ........-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal ........-25
You know them ........-60
The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?" ........-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding ........-10
You reply, "Where?" ........-35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ......0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes ........+5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV ........+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep ........-20
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party ........0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy ........-2
Named Tiffany ........-4
Tiffany is a dancer .......-6
Tiffany has implants ........-8
When mingling you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly ........+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump ........-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you" ........+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed" ......-6
That woman is her sister ........-90
You have one drink, and that's it ........0
You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle ........-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted ....-18
Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall together ..........+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car ........+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar ........-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it ....+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional ....0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ........+3
Most of it chips and beer ........-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den ........+15
Or refinishing the floors ........+16
Or rewiring the basement ........+17
Or adding a second floor ........+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom waste basket .......-6
And you're tickled pink about it ........-15
You visit her parents............0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation ........+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3
And the television is off ........-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear........-6
And you didn't even go to college ........-10
And it's not your underwear ........-15
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner ........0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar ........-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night ........-3
It's a sports bar, it's all you can eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ........-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player ........+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing ........+4
If you stink ........+2
If you're not half bad ........+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause ........-2
You give her a gift ........0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ........-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ........+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate ........+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ........+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ........-10
With her credit card ........-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ........-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely ........-20
You forget your anniversary ........-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station .........-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey .........-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast ........-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal ........-5
And the pal is happily married ........-4
Or frighteningly single........-7
And he drives a Mustang ......-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)........-15
You have a few beers .......-9
And miss curfew by an hour ...........-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call........-20
You get home at 3 am ........-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ........-40
And not wearing any pants ........-50
Is that a tattoo?? ........-200
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work........+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late ........+10
You wait up ........+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed ........+20
A Night At Home
You watch TV together ........0
You rent a movie ........+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ........+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout ........+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep ........-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool ........-2
A Night Out
You take her to a movie ........+2
You take her to a movie she likes ........+4
You take her to a movie you hate ........+6
You take her to a movie you like ........-2
It's called Death Cop 3 ........-3
Which features cyborgs having sex ........-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ........-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected.......... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ........+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ..........+30
And she contracts Lyme disease ........-25