Biblical Bloopers

Slightly skewed scriptural insights from children of Christian and Jewish faiths:
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people, and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the Axe of Apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert.
- Afterward. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is "Humor thy father and mother."
- The Seventh Commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race that lived in biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side showed up, they found Jesus and the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which is "Do one to others before they do one to you."
- He also explained, "Man does not live by sweat alone."
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels.
- The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
- The Bible says a man is only supposed to have one wife. This is called monotony.