*********************************
As I travel through the timeless depths,
All I can see is this inky black
That engulfs and surrounds me
Until all I feel is trapped.
***************** ****************
As I reach my destination
I can't help but wonder if
I've come to some alien- filled nation
With horrors so great
They evade all imagination.
*********************************
To look through the dark and somber midnight
Is to fall through a time warp and
Take up the place
Of some past creature about to disintegrate
Who is begging, pleading to be spared
Of this disastrous fate.
*********************************
Out toward the horizon are the watery depths
That show you just how wondrous it is
To be floating in some faraway sea
And as that horizon comes closer
Life seems greater than ever before.
*********************************
The flowers loom large in this sacred place
And though these flowers
Represent the memories
Mark the death hidden beneath the soil
They are the most beautiful things
Residing in the graveyard.
*********************************
The horizon in the distance
Comes closer and you see
A beautiful field filled with butterflies and flowers and things.
*********************************
It's something you never thought you'd see
Being this close to the wavering point of reality
Where the line between wish
And what's actually there
Is so fine, it seems pointless to care I
If it even exists.
********************************
Field of Friendship
Friendship is like a field of flowers.
It's beautiful even though every once in a while you'll find a weed
that needs overcoming.
To Fly
Rising, soaring through the starlit sky,
I cannot help but wonder why,
That within this beauteous scene,
There are others also gliding
Through this wondrous place
It defies all beautiful space.
Who said they could come?
Invade my tranquillity?
Certainly not I !
But yet, here they are.
And here they will stay,
Until the sun falls from the sky.
It's here, but yet its not.
You see this, but yet you' re blind.
Its black, but yet its white.
You hear it, but yet you're deaf.
Rising, soaring- this is what it is to fly.
-3/97
Autumn
We hear the whisper of the fall of leaves.
We feel the cool breeze that laps at our face.
It keeps returning for reasons unknown to us.
It's not quite fathomable why this happens again and again.
The birds leave us now, as they travel towards warmer winds.
The stars are brighter, and they seem close enough to touch.
We prepare for the chill,
Jack Frost begins to nip at our toes,
Everyone seems gloomier somehow,
The days are shorter, less time to run and play.
No one really can ever tell
Exactly when these miracles of nature
Begin to occur.
But we do know that it'll happen again next year.
We call this miracle autumn!
This Thing Hidden
Everywhere around us,
There is a beautiful thing,
Yet we can't see it
Because the world keeps it hidden.
There is a golden ring,
Within a silver one,
But we can't enter this ring of gold
Without seeing this thing we can't find,
Without holding it in your heart.
Fate and destiny,
Are the world's largest clues,
Yet even they mislead us now and again.
No one is really sure
If there is ever proof that it exists,
Yet faith makes us believe, and
We sometimes find it unexpectedly.
Through all the times
Someone has led us astray
From finding this thing,
We somehow manage to find it,
In the place we'd last think to look.
This thing is love!
Wonderful
Deformed, ugly,
Yet magnificent.
Rude, uncouth,
Yet gentle.
So unsightly to the eye,
Yet so captivating to the heart.
I'll never understand this puzzle
Even after we depart.
I can't quite fathom
Why I'm so drawn to you,
But it's obvious to me,
That no matter what others may see,
I shall always see something
Beautiful, exquisite, just plain wonderful.
Stronger Together
People in the world change it,
Peace could change it too.
Why won't people realize,
What could be such a great thing?
All because people are too ignorant,
Around the world, we just don't see.
But if we would just come together,
Be ourselves, we could live forever.
One person judges another,
By the color of their skin,
If instead we'd just look deeper,
And judge by the person within.
Then we'd be a stronger fighting force,
Because one combined,
Is so much stronger than many combined!
Him
He is my heart,
He is my soul,
I cannot say that I love him,
For I do not know.
Love is something unbeknownst to me,
But if you tell me what love is to you,
Perhaps I could tell you if I do.
To live without him,
To share his love,
That would tear my heart in two.
To live in a hazy love-filled world,
To share the gift of love,
That would be a beautiful thing.
-1/26/98
Not Me
He has chosen her,
He has declared his love to her,
He'll hold her,
He'll comfort her,
He'll confide in her,
He'll go to her in his pain,
He'll share his love with her,
Not me.
-1/26/98
Like My Sister
My best friend,
Yet I wish she'd go far away.
Like my sister,
Yet it feels like she has betrayed me.
It's not fair of me,
But who said love was fair?
She's happy with him,
And it breaks my heart.
He should be mine,
I wish he was,
And he could be too,
But he isn't,
He's hers.
Why not me?
What is better about her?
Why did he choose her?
What could I do to change that?
Nothing.
I could never hurt her,
She's like my sister,
Yet I wish I were in her shoes.
-1/26/98
Her
He loves her,
He loves me not,
My heart is his
Yet he wants it not,
She is his choice.
This I can't deny.
-1/27/98
There is Love
In my eyes there is love
For he who has chosen another,
For he who holds my heart in his hand
And he smothers it like a blanket over a fire
He won't allow that love to live.
-1/27/98
She Has Him
He says he likes me too.
Some this would pacify,
Most this would satisfy,
But not I.
For he is my heart.
Some claim to understand my pain,
But they don't; they can't.
For not only do I love him,
My best friend has him.
-1/27/98
No One Cares
If only I could share the love I feel,
But I can't.
For he's hers, not mine.
A knife piercing my heart, and twisting
Twisting until I'm numb with the pain,
A broken heart, but no one cares.
A love unproductive, but no one cares.
A life alone, but no one seems to care.
-1/29/98
Torn
I sit and ponder
Why it's not me he wants,
Why I must sit and smile
And try to fight the tears
That never fail to fall,
Each time I see them so happy.
I try to pretend that it doesn't hurt,
That it doesn't tear my heart in two.
But no matter what I do
They all know,
My heart is torn to pieces.
-1/29/98
Through The Window
Through the window
There is beauty
There is happiness
If you can relate to life,
You can feel the tranquillity
Through the window
The seeds of the tree of peace grow
They grow slowly, but yet they grow
I cannot be sure that
The world will ever find true peace
But I am sure
That peace can grow
If you water it like the seeds of a tree.
-2/12/98
Free Thought
I sit and wonder,
Is it wrong to think for yourself?
The world seems to think so.
Many people believe in things,
Things that tell you
What you are supposed to think.
Does this then mean
That I cannot go against what they preach?
For I do not believe these things occur.
"Blasphemy!" they say.
I say, "No, only what I think."
-5/14/98
I Cry
Deep within me there's a hope.
That hope lies there, that hope smothers
It's smothered by a loveless fling
It seems that's the only kind I've found
What do I do faced with the pain
Discouraged, disillusioned
You may know that hope by another name
Love
I love
He lies
I love
He cheats
I love
He leaves
I love and
I cry
I cry and I keep on crying
I keep on crying
What should I do when he leaves
What should I do when he cheats
Tell me what do I do when he leaves
How do I stop the crying?
How do I stop the pain
How do I make the world see
There's no point in hoping
There's no point in loving
We're traveling down a dead-end road
Your only option at the end
Is to cry
I've reached the end,
And I've cried
I've felt the pain before
I can feel the pain closing in
So close
I feel the tears pouring down my cheeks
How do I stop the crying
How do I make him not leave
How do I make him stay true to me
How do I make sure I won't have to cry
I don't want to cry anymore
I want the pain to stop
I want to be able to say
I love him, and
He loves me too.
-7/31/98
"No" He Says
He said no.
Rejected.
My heart breaks.
"I want to stay friends" he says.
My heart brakes.
"Friends"
The word you never want to hear.
Why? You ask yourself.
The answer doesn't come.
Is it me?
Is it him?
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not good enough? I wonder.
The answer doesn't come.
I got up the nerve,
I put my heart on the line,
I asked.
The answer came.
But not the one I wished.
-9/29/98
To Whom It May Concern
To whom it may concern, I loved her
She's gone now
To whom it may concern, he betrayed her
It should all end now
To whom it may concern, I need to go now
She tries to be her
To whom it may concern, I'll never forget her
I think it's all over now
To whom it may concern, I used to dance in the rain
Now, all I feel is pain
To whom it may concern, an emptiness in my heart
To whom it may concern, the end, not the start
To whom it may concern, the finish draws nigh
To whom it may concern, all I can do is cry
To whom it may concern, in my laughter I used to hear joy
Now I hear tears
To whom it may concern, my emotions are just a toy
Something to play with
Make believe, play pretend
Like a myth
Like my heart can't break
Just sheds its skin like a snake
To whom it may concern, you couldn't be farther off
To whom it may concern, I miss her
To whom it may concern, I wish she were here
Then I'd have someone with which to share these fears
-11/11/98
In a Man's World
I'm a woman, in a man's world
And that man_
He's willing to hold me,
He's willing to kiss me,
He's willing to father my child
And he's willing to use me
But he's not willing to hear me
And he's not willing to let me share my views
And he's definitely not willing to let me take charge and
Some women would shake their head, and
Shake it off as a guy thing
But not me, not me
Because I can't accept that
I want my fair shot
And I want my equal chance
And then if I lose, I can accept it
I can move on and I can try again
Because I'll know that
If I improve, I might just beat him next time
Because I'm a woman
In a so-called man's world
He thinks he can own me
He thinks he can control me
But he doesn't realize
how much power I hold.
-10/27/98
A World Enveloped by Love
She looks out the window
She spies a lone doe
She sits in the alcove
An owl flies through the grove
Alone in her room
She gazes at the moon
She feels the peace
It will never cease.
She holds the world in her hand
Life is hers to command
She wonders what it all represents
The beauty never relents.
In the realm of trance
You trust your life to chance
You become a part of the Earth
Fated at birth
To be a chosen one
Your goal is to finally be done
Your task
One side of the mask
Part of the identity
The divine entity
That allows you to soar
To open love's eternal door.
She can't help but hope
She wishes her view would denote
A world enveloped by love
As pure as the virgin dove.
She was let free
Allowed to be
One with the Earth
Chosen at birth.
-11/6/1998
I Need You
What could I have done?
To deserve all of this
Why me?
Why was she taken away?
Me, forced to live alone
With people I don't know
People who don't know me
I want her back
I need her now
What girl should have to live without her mother?
Do these people even notice?
That I'm in pain
Falling apart
Crying with shame
Does it matter?
Do they even care?
"Mommy, please come back!
I need you!"
-11/13/98
Gummy Bears
Gummy bears are real yummy
They fill up my tummy
Red! Orange! Green!
Such colors to be seen!
"Now don't eat too many," said mummy.
-11/13/98
Lost Sanity
Michelle was filled with vanity.
Too bad she'd lost her sanity.
Last year she died,
Her mom even cried.
She'll never face another calamity.
-11/13/98
*********************************
The moon hides behind the clouds
And yet beauty still abounds.
The sunrise makes the sky shine
There is so much left for us to find.
-11/98
*********************************
Me Too
Mommy, yesterday,
Daddy made me cry
You died last week and
He wouldn't let me say goodbye
I'd been away for such a long, long time
Yesterday I cried,
But today I'll be quiet, quiet like a mime
I won't let him see my hurt
Watch my tears fall, making mud from dirt
He hurt me! He just didn't see!
He thought he was doing what was best
Is that some sort of jest?
Everyone else piled into their car
I just gazed out the window, staring out real far
Now, "Nanny, please don't you cry!
If you do, that'll make me weep, please don't ask why
It's just that I miss her so much."
What I wouldn't give for one last touch
Even one last look.
And now I'm with these people
Who are they? What do they want?
I don't know them, and they don't know me!
They say, "I know how you feel"
They Don't! They can't!
Do you want to know how I feel?
Close your eyes
Pretend your favorite puppy got sick
You took him to the vet
You just know he'll be okay
Then you come home from school
Your puppy is gone
But then, so is puppy's pain
But that doesn't make your pain go away
Open your eyes
Tell me how you would feel
How much you'd hurt
That much huh?
Yeah, me too.
-1/12/99
He Likes Me For Me
3 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, and 17 minutes.
But who's counting?
All my life, I've said to myself
"There must be a defect in me,
Something everyone sees except me.
Because otherwise there's no explanation
For one rejection after another."
But now, all that has changed.
I've found someone pure, someone
Who likes me for me
Sees me through eyes that must be blinded by emotion
'Cute ' 'sexy' 'sweet'
Things he sees in me
Is he disillusioned or
Is the world blind?
I don't care which
I like it this way
I look in the mirror and
Now I see this person that he thinks I am
"Not bad" I think to myself
But why? Why me? Why me with him? What is it
about me? About him?
Is it fate or destiny or just blind chance?
I don't even care!
He likes me for me!
-4/3/99
Plan B (a revision of Free Thought)
I sit and ponder
Is it wrong to think for yourself?
The world seems to think so
Many believe in things.
These things control and dictate your very breath
What to think, what to feel, what to say, what to do
They tell me that my way is wrong
And that their way is the only way
No alternative, no options, no "plan B"
That to rebel leads to doom
I suppose that this then means
I cannot go against their sermonizings and lectures
Cannot refute what they preach
"Rebellion is not permitted!"
Well, I don't think so.
I want to swim upstream, think my way
Tell them that my way isn't wrong
Only different
I can hear it now
"Blasphemy!" they'd cry
I'd say "No. Only option 2. Plan B."
-4/3/99
Mystifies
The scents mingle,
Overwhelm and engulf me
Send my spirit off and away
To places unknown
Taking me to another realm
It mystifies me.
Allowing me to feel, to think, to live, to be
Sandalwood and evergreen with a touch of English garden and a hint
of sunflower.
Vanilla and blackberry combine.
All meet. Meet. Mingle. Mix.
Take the essence of one and give it to the other
It mystifies me.
The shadows undulate
The candlelight flickers under my breath
Will it extinguish or will it burn on?
It stays strong. Burns still.
It mystifies me.
-4/3/99
*******************************************
I don't understand it
Something feels wrong
What? I do not know
I wrack my mind, but
Nothing surfaces
What has changed?
Unbalanced equilibrium
Things that once flowed
Slam hard against a wall
Scrambled emotions
Distorted images
Float around in my mind
-4/29/99
*******************************************
Too Young
Some say I'm_
Too young to feel this
Too young to know love
Too young to be here
They put an age on a feeling
And I don't think that's right
They say you have to cross a certain line
That there are certain things you have to live through
How can you give passion restrictions?
It's just too deep an emotion
Its roots are in the depths of your soul
Too young to feel this
Too young to know love
Too young to be here
I told a friend the other day
That I'd crossed that line
That I knew the feeling
And she said I'm
Too young to feel this
Too young to know love
Too young to be here
-6/20/99
In His Arms
In his arms,
I feel love
In his arms,
I feel safe. Secure. Content.
We're in our own little world.
The infamous apocalypse could come crashing down on us all and we'd
never know
I'd still be right here,
wrapped up in his arms
in his arms,
I feel love
In his arms
I am free
In his arms
I am complete.
I know no greater pleasure
Than to hold him, kiss him, love him
I don't know what I'd do without him
Where would I go if I couldn't be
Wrapped up in his arms
In his arms
I feel love
In his arms
I feel joy
In his arms
He is the other half of me
I cherish every moment I spend with him
I dread every single second we're apart.
I feel his heart beating for me
With my head against his chest,
Wrapped up in his arms
In his arms
I feel love
I feel love and I am complete
In his arms.
-8/10/1999
Peering into the Scrying Mirror
The black marble circle
Interlaced with veins of white
I peer into its depths
Lost in the inky color
Bemused by the intrusion of light
As I stare, entranced
I seem to see the marble swirling
A picture begins to form
What is it that I see?
Will it be an insight of me?
A glimpse of the future?
The swirling stops.
The picture clears
It is a bird of prey
A falcon soaring high
Letting none stand in its path
Allowing nothing to intercede
She will be anything she desires
Not afraid to stand for what is right
Not afraid to be herself
Not afraid to swim upstream
To blow against the wind
Different. Unique. Diverse.
A falcon is strong
A falcon is beautiful
A falcon is powerful
She will persevere
She will succeed.
Succeed in being different.
Succeed in being her.
That's what one and all should be:
Themselves.
-9/15/99
Joy of the Water Nymph
I walk through the halls
The walls lined with works of beauty
The colors, the emotions, the senses
Whirling. Colliding. Swirling.
And suddenly I freeze
Stopped in my tracks
Mesmerized. Entranced. Bemused.
For here it sits
A work of magnificence
Created with emotions that ring true
The lines, the curves, the angles
At first glance
A faery dancing in her ring
Casting her enchantment upon you
She smiles at the earth beneath her
Almost sensuous in her ecstasy
In the ground beneath her
And then, I read the plaque
Joy of the Waters
A new perspective to the same exquisity
Now she is a nymph
Rising from the depths of the waters
To catch you in her grasp
Arms raised in exultation
A mischievous grin graces her face
A light step into crystal-clear waters
Infused with plants of a multitude of colors
Her hair wild about her face
Flying in the wind
A breeze coming off the lake
Can you feel the mists it brings?
Every emotion, every detail, every aspect
Forever captured in a sculpture of bronze.
-10/1/99
We Shall See
Don't know what to do.
Confused. Jumbled.
Amongst a burst of happiness, bewilderment lies.
No. Yes. I just don't know.
What should I do?
I don't want to hurt him, but
I don't even know my own feelings
Much less his.
A smile, a glance, a look.
What do they mean?
Innocent gestures or meaning more?
Does anyone ever know?
Can one ever tell what one is thinking?
Should I risk the pain of another bonding gone wrong?
Are those minutes of happiness worth those days of frustration?
I ponder, I consider, I weigh each possibility, each pro and con.
Does one outweigh the other?
Am I missing something?
Is there another factor I'm not considering?
Is there one little thing about him that I can't see?
Will it be the deciding factor?
Will I ever know?
We shall see I suppose.
-10/5/99
Trapped
Why? Why me?
What have I done?
Did I commit some wrong I don't know about?
I was raised to be a good person_
I am_ aren't I?
I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't even have sex!
What have I done to deserve such a punishment?
Did I commit such an atrocity in a past life that I am still atoning
for it?
Whore. She-devil. Evil one.
I hate her!
Loathe her!
Detest her!
There aren't enough words in one language to describe what I feel!
You couldn't imagine how much I loathe her_
What it takes for me to live this falsity_
I can't take it anymore!
Can't live this lie any longer!
I have to speak out
Cleanse my soul
But_how?
And where would I go?
What place is free of memories?
Free of pain?
Free of hate?
The miniature version of evil acts like a brat,
And I am blamed!
Why?! Dammit, Why?!
Alone.
So Alone in a house full of people.
Their physicalities surround me
And still I am alone
No one to talk to
No one to confide in
Just me.
_and my pen.
No one knows me
The me who feels
The me who loves
The me who hates
The me who is so confused,
So lost.
I'm trapped in a tunnel and it never ends.
-11/25/99
Wrong!
you think you know me
but you don't
you think you've got me "pinned"
_you couldn't be farther off base
the real me hides
behind a façade
a colorful mask
I'm not sure if I even know me
And that hurts
To know that no one knows me
No one understands me.
-11/25/99
Whimsical
Whimsical is a faery
And transparent are are her wings
As she flys on her merry way.
Whimsical is a faery
And playfulis her way
As she plays a trick on thee.
Whimsical is a faery
And short and petite is her frame
As she stands before your gaze.
Whimsical is a faery
And oh, how her long hair flys
As she dances in a mushroom ring.
Whimsical is a faery
Large is the grin on her face
As she delights in the trick she has played.
-3/30/00
You can paint
Colors meld and swirl
Somehow they all fit together
Images of faeries and gods and trees
Nature at its highest state of perfection
The epitome of all that nature is and can be…
Beauty. Peace. Love. Fear. Hate.
Predator and prey. Mates for life.
Balance. Harmony. A perfect wheel.
The circle of life.
The lion eats the antelope who ate the grass.
The lion dies. His body returns to the earth as fertilizer for new grass.
An antelope eats that grass.
A lion eats that antelope… and on the cycle goes.
It never ends!
Nature personified in its creatures.
Fae, Dragons, the gods, animals, humans. Everything!
All are the embodiment of nature.
All can be forever capture in paint on a stiff canvas.
-4/26/00
*******************************************
Life is a dream that we cannot see
Hope is a river that we cannot feel
Peace is a song that we cannot sing
-4/29/00
*******************************************
An Ode to Thee
Thy love, it pleases.
They ways, they pleasure.
Thy love, it brings me ecstasy.
With thee, the world turns.
Without thee, the world stops.
Alone. So alone…
Solitude causes pain—yet pleasure?
In a room full of people,
Yet so lonely…
For I am without your love…
Encased in a world of joy
Only to have it torn asunder.
The long view of my attrition
Brings only sorrow, only sadness.
What to do without you?
Where will life take me?
Do I really want to know?
-5/11/00
*******************************************
Forever and ever isn't enough
For you and me to polish our love
Forever and a day
Nothin' less will do
For me and you…
-5/24/00
*******************************************
Life
Why?
A simple inquiry
Yet there is no answer…
Why is there never an answer?
Why so the questions never cease?
Why can I never escape?
I cry myself to sleep
With tears of sorrow and of misery
Only to wake to find that no one even cares!
But then, do they even look,
Even see the emotions in my eyes?
Someone needs to see!
I NEED someone to see!
I need for someone to feel my pain
Awakening each morning to a tragic life
Full of people I loathe so much it hurts!
Life. Chaos.
Are they not one and the same?
Two words for one state of being?
It envelops you like a blanket,
Sucking you into a black hole.
It takes away coherent thought,
Leaving nothing behind but jumbled emotions!
-9/10/00
Madame Gypsy
To the ground falls another vivid scarf
With each undulation
Veils of every hue tease the senses of those who watch.
Finger cymbals dance
Mirroring the motion of her hips
Creating music to the tapping of her feet.
In the firelight
The coal-dark hair shimmers
Falling in waist-length waves that swirl as she
spins.
Madame Gypsy floats upon a cloud
Evoking sinful thoughts of passion and sensuality
Calling to the heavens with each breathless note she sings.
The wagon train travels into the sun
On a luminous autumn day
One by one each person steps into her wagon.
Shadows and images swirl within a sphere of crystal
Slowly they become clear…
Likenesses of what has yet to come appear within the haze of shades.
If you grace her palm with silver
She'll read yours
Divulge to you what lies beyond.
Will I live forever?
Will I ever fall in love?
Will my life be full of joy?
To these questions there are no answers
All that can be foretold
Is what the stars are willing to surrender.
With a pass of the hand
And a twinkle in her eye
She'll tell a good tale.
But was it what you wanted to hear?
Was her word worth your coin?
-10/26/00
Shadow Lover
Feelings stir just beneath the surface
Waiting to erupt like a giant geyser
There aren’t words or sounds to describe
The thoughts and emotions that flow through me.
You speak to my heart and my soul
Across the winds your message is heard
Two kindred souls across a crowed room
Suddenly we’re the only people in the world
I can’t see you, and
You don’t hear me
Yet our love shines still.
Nothing ever stops us or stands in our way
Love runs strong and deep
Sparks enough to start a fire
Yet we hold back
Unrequited love and tension shimmer through our souls
Tempting our hands and hearts as it surges through us
I’ll drape my love around your shoulders
Hoping that you’re strong enough to bear it
‘Tis said he has a way with words
I’d say rather a way with my emotions
You whisper to my body
Inflaming me to love
Painting a picture of perfection
An image without flaw
Of happily-ever-after
Tell me what you know
What it’s like to be you – sweet, wonderful you
We meet and love in light and in shadow.
-12/20/00
Momma
my eyes tear, my face is pale
my hands, just shy of steady
ragged breaths force their way through my lungs
each breath is heavy, full of pain
a sort of cloak envelops me,
taking away the possibility of joy
absence makes the heart grow fonder
10 years of absence
I love her so much it hurts
yet she doesn't come to me
she isn't here to receive my love
a total sadness; a lifeless existence
a simple smile would be a blessing
yet not one crosses my face
a voice cries yearningly
"momma"
-12/3/01
*********************************
broken pieces of clay
that don't fit back together
vibrant colors of paint
slowly chipping away
perfectly shaped spheres of water
beading and rolling down a cheek
vivid flashes of history
sit stangnant in the recesses of reality
ragged breaths of air
pulled into the lungs in a tug-of-war
a peice of tape that adheres close
and leaves behind a sticky residue
a lightbulb that will not shine
a battery with no current
a tide that won't come in
a ship that cannot pull anchor
TRAPPED
-2/9/2002
(c) Jessika Norton 2002
