This page is dedicated to the child who was taken from us on April 26th 1999. I was only a few months pregnant, but we loved him anyway. We have named him after a dear friend who was also taken from us this year. Timothy means honoring God, and Aaron means a tower of strength. During my ever so short pregnancy, I had taken to calling him Taby, since his initials are TAB. I know that both Tim and Taby are watching us, and I feel their spirits surrounding us.
To anyone who has ever felt the pain of misscarriage, abortion, or stillbirth, I hope you see that the only way to heal is to let yourself feel the pain and mourn the loss. The poem that follows is how I felt the pain, and I hope that maybe my pain can help you in some way, because I have relied on the same experience in others to help me through. And always remember, our children are in the hands of God.
Also, please read the poems that were sent to us, they are very beautiful.
To My Child
I don't know your name,
And I'll never hold your hand,
But I love you just the same.
God has taken you with him,
And he is more worthy than I,
to have the perfect soul of an unborn babe.
I never got to know you,
I'll never see this dream come true.
Just know as you look down from heaven,
I'll always dream of you.
What color hair would you have had?
Would you smile like your Father?
Would you have your Sister's eyes?
Your Brother's nose?
I know you would have been perfect as a rose.
And that my child is why you walk with God.
Someday we'll see you,
And I'll remember that.
What a day it will be,
The reunion of a family that never met.
I wrote this poem just minutes before I actually lost the baby, I had an ultrasound the day before, that showed no signs of life, and I was told that it would happen any day. So I put the kids down for thier nap, and was on my way to lay down myself, when I walked past our office, where we had been getting out the baby clothes to wash up, and I went in and sat in front of the pile. I put all those tiny things back in the boxes, and cried, and under the pile, was a notepad and pencil. I picked them up, and couldn't even see through my tears, I just started writing, and before I knew it, I had that poem written. I layed my hand across my barely swollen belly, and I said goodbye, and that was when I actually lost him. I don't know why, the Dr. said he had most likely died a week or more before, but I didn't lose him until I said goodbye. I can only say one thing about it, I have a plaque that says, "I will never give you more than what you can deal with, as long as you walk with me.", God didn't make me deal with it until I was ready.
Our children are waiting on us to join them in heaven, and I look forward to holding my precious son, that is why you are now listening to the song "Who Wants to Live Forever". Our baby is with us tho in a way.
This has been a difficult thing to deal with for my husband and I, but in a way, it has strengthened our walk with the Lord. I have also become a volunteer counselor for the ABC Crisis Pregnancy Center in our community, where I have found other wonderful christian women, who have helped me more than I can hope to help others.
I hope that I have maybe given some hope for others who feel this same pain, and maybe some comfort, you may be nameless to me, but you are in my prayers.
Luv & Hugz,
Indianmaiden, Bluepanther, Cheyenne (born 1/24/97), Austin (born 3/28/98), and Timothy (returned to God's arms 4/26/99)
(this is Timothy's Guestbook, not mine)
Since 2/26/2000
