Web Journal

Wednesday - 9/1/99 - 9:16am EDT

Guess autumn is on its way to Western Pennsylvania-- it was 46 degrees when I woke up this morning. I don't mind. It's sunny and clear and temperature is going up into the 80's this afternoon. I could live in weather like this all year 'round, no problem.

A lot has happened since I last wrote in here. Marilyn, my sister, had a very bad nose bleed. Started around 10am last Thursday and didn't stop until 3am Friday. Her doctor thinks it is a broken blood vessel. He wanted to admit her to the hospital over the weekend but she refused. She did let them do blood tests-- she lost 2 out of the 5 units of blood in her body, or 40%. Freaked her out (me too.)

She's been very weak since (as would be expected.) The doctor told her to do nothing this week but she felt she had to go in to work for awhile yesterday. Ended up staying a half day (I was not a happy camper.) Later, she was exhausted and admitted maybe it hadn't been such a good idea. At least she's taking today off. She had more blood tests Monday and is scheduled to go back to the doctor tomorrow to find out the results. I think she just needs to rest & build up her strength but I have to admit I've been scared shitless for the last week. And to think I called her Pollyanna not so long ago because she was too happy. Boy do I feel like a turd.

My granddaughter Lauren had her first day at first grade Monday. Her mom was borrowing my car (hers was in the shop) so I got to drive them to school. I was afraid I'd cry but I should have known, I never cry when it's appropriate. Lauren looked like an angel wearing her freshly pressed uniform and blouse and new dress shoes. Only one problem. I had the school calendar at my house and had missed that there was an open house on Sunday after 12:15 mass. Consequently, Heather missed her chance to talk with Lauren's new teacher and missed the announcement that all this week the school would be observing "casual days", meaning no uniforms. Poor Lauren. She didn't want to wear the uniform but her mom had finally talked her into it, saying all the other kids would be wearing them too... Best laid plans of mice and men and moms and grandmas... At least she'll never forget her first day!

Joe and I took a short trip to the country. The coal company installed a bizarre looking apparatus on their property. Looks like an oil well only it is painted red, white and blue and had all these pulley things hanging down the center of the structure. Someone mounted a flag on top. We probably should have dropped to our knees upon seeing it and chanted, "Om Gobbie Gobbie" but we didn't.

The water level in the creek was a wee bit higher than last week. Whether it was due to the rain or because of the ever-growing beaver dam, I'm not sure but it looked nice. Saw a flock (?) of wild turkeys, a dozen or so, crossing the creek, some flying but many walking through the water. I didn't think they'd do that. They do.

I had bought our dog, Growlf, a new ball. This dog is so crazy about balls that you can't let him have them very often or for very long. He chews and chews and chews and chews until his gums bleed. It's like a drug to him. We end up having to trick him to put it away before his teeth all fall out. Anyway I gave him the new ball when we got down there and he was ecstatic. He chased it and rolled it and chewed it. I took a walk up through the back arboretum and he accompanied me with the ball in his mouth the whole time. He waded in the creek with his ball and couldn't figure out how to get a drink without dropping it so he went without the drink. Joe and took another walk later, up to the bridge and back, and Growlf carried that damn ball with us again. We decided he needed to check into the ball chewing section of the Betty Ford Clinic. You know Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, and Tramp, and all those famous star dogs end up there sooner or later.

I had a therapist appointment scheduled for today at noon. Really didn't feel like going. Last night I called and got her answering machine. I left a message that something had come up & I had to cancel. Told her since I was going on vacation next week, I'd give her a call the following week. An hour later the phone rang and guess who... She suggested I come in Thursday morning at 10 instead and being the supreme weenie that I am, I agreed. I'm never going to be able to quit this lady.

Well, guess you all know about Hurricane now Tropical Storm Dennis. It never made landfall but still caused extensive beach erosion on the Outer Banks. I was just glad it didn't do any more damage and that it was getting the heck out of the way before our trip. But, now they're saying it's coming back, a scenario never even occurred to me.

I'm not going to let this ruin things. If we have to, we'll get a room inland and read books and take it easy and be with each other for a week. That's the most important thing, right? I'm taking my guitar and watercolors and definitely plan on doing some writing. Sounds good to me. Of course it might just be a side effect from my medication. Joe had all of them refilled yesterday. Last night I was reading through the literature the pharmacist had included. One drug lable listed as a side effect "a false sense of well being." A false sense of well being?? After being depressed for eight years, this is something to worry about???

Thanks for reading. I don't know if I'll get a chance to write in here again before we leave so I'll talk to you when I can.

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Thursday - 8/26/99 - 3:15pm EDT

...There was nothing I could do. I couldn't change a flight of stairs into a creek. The boy walked back to where he came from. The same thing once happened to me. I remember mistaking an old woman for a trout stream in Vermont, and I had to beg her pardon.

"Excuse me," I said. "I thought you were a trout stream."

"I'm not," she said.

Richard Brautigan - Trout Fishing in America

It's been awhile since I wrote in here. No reason, just haven't gotten around to it. The weekend with Lauren in the country was neat. She insisted on going swimming even though the water was freezing and she turned blue. She and Joe surprised a mouse living in Joe's tractor. The mouse ran off with three babies hanging on her. One tiny one got left behind. His eyes weren't open. Lauren fretted over what would happen to him. We went in the house to have dinner-- told her the mother would probably come back for the baby (yeah, right.) Lauren scarfed her food down & ran out as soon as we let her. The baby was gone. See, I told you the mother would come back for her baby.

Tuesday was Heather's 29th birthday. Lauren asked me to help her get a present... flowers. I picked her up from daycare and we drove to the store. She picked the biggest arrangement there, of course. Really pretty with red, blue, yellow, and white flowers. Said they reminded her of her mom. Earlier in the day Heather's coworkers had a cake & card for her. Her friend Will, was the first one to sign the card. He wrote, "Have a Happy 37th." She was so embarrassed-- people kept coming up to her all day and saying, "Wow, you look great for your age.

Finished my occupational therapy today. Lori, the therapist, said she'd miss having me, gave me a big hug. I guess I'll miss her too. She was so perky & happy all the time. Gave her this URL but she's afraid of the computer so doubt she'll ever make it here.

Marilyn called me up last evening all excited about a rainbow she saw out in the field. Woke me up out of my afternoon freak-out nap. I was rotten, called her Pollyanna. She finally finds some peace and happiness and I ridicule her. Sorry Merle.

Going to try to get an early start on the weekend at Majorsville tomorrow afternoon. Joe is coming home at 3pm for our dentist appointments. Now if I can just get my sh*t together, we could be out of here and down there relaxing before the sun sets. Need to go grocery shopping and finish cleaning this house and do some laundry. Not making much progress sitting here, am I?

The high school band is practicing across the street once again.... (their fall ritual)... Yankee Doodle Dandy. At least some things stay the same.

My cousin Eddie from Ireland is in Austin, Texas this week. Bill and Jacobina were meeting him for dinner last night. Hollywood Dave is due in to San Antonio this weekend. And Dr.Steve, Brene and baby Ellen are joining them. Should be a great time... Bill will have all his little chickens home to roost.

This is the last weekend before we go on vacation (leave a week from Saturday.) Joe needs to get away even more than I do. He's so sick of Y2K stuff, he could scream. I'm casting spells, trying to will Hurricane Dennis away from the Carolinas. Pat Robertson is down in Va Beach so he'll probably take care of it. Can't wait to see PW & Jean-- been missing them big time.

Y'all must not be reading or listening to anything noteworthy. Didn't get any survey forms at all this week. I'm rereading Trout Fishing in America. I love Brautigan.

Thanks for reading & have a great weekend.

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Tuesday, August 17, 1999 - 1:30PM EDT

Kennywood was a blast. I worried for no reason at all (as usual.) First rode the Merry-Go-Round. It's was built in 1926 and is very ornate and beautiful. I wanted to ride on a lion but Heather pointed out that the animals on the outside didn't slide up and down the poles. I chose a horse instead. We walked through Noah's Ark, a funhouse. Lauren's friend, Caitlyn, started balling her eyes out halfway through and we exited early. Rode all the water rides-- the Log Jammer, the Pittsburgh Plunge, and the Raging Rapids. We got soaked, especially Joe who was lucky(?) enough to be right beneath the waterfall on the Raging Rapids. Thank god for Heather-- she had warned us to bring extra clothes.

Joe and Heather rode some scary rides... the Steel Phantom, a newer steel roller coaster that beats the hell out of you (does that sound like fun?) and the Exterminator, the ride my therapist had told me about. I took the kids to Kiddie Land where they rode silly rides that were too little for them. (They realized this but wanted to go on them anyway.) Easy enough for me-- I just walked around with them and laughed.

Back in Lost Kennywood, a newer section of the park that features photographs taken over the last hundred years, the kids rode the Whip, Kennywood's oldest flat ride, built in 1918, the year my mom was born. That's what I like most about the park, it's history. It boasts three wonderful, old, wooden rollercoasters: the Jack Rabbit, the Racer, and the Thunderbolt (my kind of roller coasters-- rickety and fast.) The kids were too short to ride any but the Jack Rabbit. Heather & Lauren rode in the first seat; I was behind them, riding with Caitlyn; and Joe was behind us. The Jack Rabbit is famous for its double dip-- gave me a heart attack. We were airborn, really... at least 7 inches off our seats. I was picturing how I'd explain to Caitlyn's dad "we lost her, she just flew off the coaster during one of the dips." The kids loved it though. Lauren rode with her hands up in the air, like a pro. She told her mom the next time she goes, she's going to wear her platform tennis shoes so she'll be tall enough to ride all the scary rides.

Sunday Joe and I went over to Marilyn's. She redecorated. Looked really classy-- velvet pillows, silk placemats, candles on silver trays. She took us for a walk up through the pastures. Each had one or more horses running around. Merle brought a bag of carrots and we fed them. God, they are spectacular creatures. And the view from up there-- horses, sky, pastures, hills. Intoxicating. I told Merle she probably didn't even have to meditate. She could just walk up there and be in a different state of mind.

Joe and I left, picked up Growlf and took a ride down to Majorsville. Fed the hummingbirds and ate dinner out on the deck. The creek was a little higher than it's been-- from some good rain this past week. I wished we were staying there all week, or all month, or forever but Sheba, our cat, wouldn't have appreciated that. She was back at home in town, waiting for her dinner, impatiently tapping her claws on the countertop.

Started getting back replies from the book & music survey. It's making me want to go buy books and cds (I'm so stuck on music from the 60's and early 70's. Someone out there is saying, "Gee, really? We couldn't tell. YAWN.")

I should wrap this up and go outside-- it's sunny and warm and the most exotic fragrance is drifting in through the windows. You know that commercial on tv where the woman says, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"? Well, my line should be, "Don't hate me because I'm crazy." Thanks for reading. Love ya.

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Friday - 8/12/99 - 12:20PM EDT

Tomorrow is UPMC's Kennywood Day. (Kennywood is an amusement park complete with roller coasters and fun houses and whatnot.) Anyway, we're going with Heather, Lauren, and a friend for Lauren. Joe bought us all-day-ride tickets and tickets for the picnic buffet lunch. Any other normal individual would be happy & excited about this. As we all know by now, I'm not normal so I am anticipating it with my usual anxiety and dread.... what if it rains?... what if the kids fight?... what if I want to go home and hide 10 minutes after we arrive?... I know some of this can be attributed to my being a Larkin (maybe 30%?) but the other 70% has to be from me being me. What a drag I am sometimes.

It's a nice park. Haven't been there in years. Marilyn went earlier this summer and loved it, said there were a bunch of neat new rides. I have good memories of going there-- PW used to take me and a friend there every summer. Peg was a saint, let us ride anything we wanted to and play games in the arcade and make swirly pictures in a tub that rotated the canvas while you squirted the paint. Another time I remember being there with my parents and other relatives for Scottish Heritage Day (although we're not Scottish.) They had a neat bagpipe parade & everyone was wearing kilts. Joe and went to Kennywood once with some friends. Don't tell anybody but we were all under the influence of a drug our parents warned us about. That was bizarre... Some of the most entertaining rides were ones that normally bored me to death... One where you rode in turtle-shaped cars around in a circle and up and over a hump. Joe and I never laughed so hard as when we stood watching the expressions on our friends' faces as they popped up over that little hump.

Only have two bad memories of Kennywood. One, when I was a teenager and my boyfriend was out of town-- my mom forced me into going with the son of a coworker. NOT FUN. The two of us couldn't have been any different if we tried. Picture Pat Boone dating Janis Joplin. On the way home, he was all over me in the backseat of his dad's car. Finally had to slug him. The other not-so-good time: Joe and I took Heather and her boyfriend there for Heather's birthday. It didn't just rain, it was like time to load the friggin' ark. We tried waiting it out. You couldn't see two inches in front of your face and we ended up at a local mall, feeling like drowned rodents.

Speaking of rodents, my therapist told me not to miss a ride called The Exterminator. In it, youare the rat being chased by an exterminator through a pitch black maze. (Did you think I was going to compare my therapist to a rodent? Would I do that?) I am beginning to question her effectiveness but I'm such a weenie I can't figure out how to tell her I don't want to come to her anymore. Will someone call and tell her for me? My sister offered to call and pretend she was me. (Or should that be "pretend she was I"? No, that can't be right, can it?) Whatever, it's not as strange as it sounds. She once pretended to be me, called a guy I had interviewed with a few days before (Randy Andy.) He was the anthropology professor at Pitt that I wanted to work for last summer. Anyway, he believed it was me on the phone but I didn't get the job. Marilyn and I had a good laugh though.

Where was I? My train of thought has derailed.

Hope you're all going to fill out my book and music survey. Did you see the link for it on my home page? If not, you'd better go back there after reading this crap and click on it. You only have to fill in the blanks and press "SEND". It'll email me your suggestions.

Oh yeah, we were talking about my therapist. Yesterday, after I poured my guts out to her for an hour, telling her about some of the most traumatic events in my life, she laughed and said, "You sure have had an interesting life." I didn't know how to respond. "Glad you find my trials and tribulations to be so entertaining."

My hand therapist tells me I'm nearly done with her, only have 3 more sessions. I think she miscounted and I have 4 but the point is when I do the exercises at home, I don't push myself nearly as hard as she does. I mean, when I feel pain, I tend to stop. So I'm a little disappointed that I'll be on my own. Not that I want her to hurt me (I'm not that strange) but I think she gets better results.

I'm having trouble reaching PW and Jean in Va Beach via email. Keep getting these messages telling me my letters aren't getting delivered. Weird, because they were having the same problem with me. I think I solved what was causing my prob (other people were having difficulty emailing me also.) I had to stop automatically forwarding all the mail from one of my email addresses to the other. That shouldn't have caused a problem but technical support wasn't very helpful and this was the only thing different. I changed it back and I haven't heard of anyone having any more problems.

I did receive an email from Hollywood Dave. Cool, hadn't heard from him in ages. Figured he was leaving us peasants behind now that he's surround by all those stars!

Well Janis Joplin is singing "Get It While You Can" and I'm getting tired so guess I'll wrap this up for today. Have a good one. Thanks for reading.

Holy Moley, first time I saved this, I forgot to wish the Steelers luck beating Da Bears in tonight's preseason game. Joe would skin me alive if he knew. So, GOOD LUCK - (they might need it with half the team injured already. Good thing Da Bears stink.) - GO STEELERS!!!!!!!

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Monday - 8/9/99 - 10:14PM EDT

Nice time at Majorsville over the weekend. Got down there around 5:00 Saturday. Those nasty beavers ate one of our little trees but luckily that tree hadn't been doing very well anyway (result of them eating it last year.) Joe put a fence around the plane tree, the only one left that wasn't already fenced in. Late Saturday night, we stepped out on the deck and I couldn't believe my eyes. At the top of the big hill across from us, a light was shining. We moved around a bit and Joe looked through the binoculars (Rob Petri to the FBI agent: "What do you call them? Binos? Binocs?".... FBI agent: "We call them binoculars.") Found there were really two lights up there where no lights had ever been before. Thought maybe it was part of the Majorsville Witch Project but it turned out to be coming from wires running up the hill from where the coal company is working. What would they be doing on top of that hill. I probably don't want to know.

Rained Sunday-- Hallelujah -- we needed it so badly. Smelled good and the birds were loving it. We cooked a big breakfast: bacon, eggs, biscuits, gravy, (yum). For some reason breakfasts taste better at Majorsville than anywhere else. I don't know why, they just do. In the afternoon we watched General Hospital episodes taped from last week. (Poor Sonny... he's losing his mind again, remembering how his wife Lily got blown up in the car. Sonny is in the mob so things like that happen to him routinely.) Later in the early evening, the clouds parted and the sun came out but it had already moved too far past the hill for our yard. Across the creek, it shone brilliantly. We came home late last night only to discover our hot water heater had sprung a leak.

Today was strange. Started with a semi-hysterical call from Heather at 6:45am. She couldn't find her car keys and was going to be late for work. (She works 7 - 4:00.) We drove over, me in my car and Joe in the truck, and let her use my car. Joe took a vacation day to see about getting the hot water heater replaced. Ended up costing over $450-- ouch. I spent almost the entire day trying to get driving maps and directions off the internet for our upcoming vacation. (We're going to the beach September 5th, YEAH!!!) This was an especially stupid thing for me to do. We belong to AAA and I could've gone there and had them print me out a triptik with no problem but no, instead I spent all damn day trying to do it myself.

Skipped my hand therapy today (bad girl.) I had already scheduled a second session for this week, on Thursday, so I'm not worrying about it too much. My finger is all curled up like a question mark. (I've been really bad about doing the exercises.) But other than that, it's doing fine.

Came up here hours ago to write in this journal but Heather called and wanted to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. I'm not complaining, we don't get to talk that often. But now it's late and I'm going to have to hustle to catch Dark Pony before he departs for Sleepy Town. Before I go, thought you might be interested in some of your comments from the survey:

Keep on with the journal! I would sorely miss your great descriptions of Majorsville. Sometimes I feel like I'm really there.

I think you should always say what is on your mind and not do "lets pretend". How else are we to keep in touch.

Keep freaking us out! I'm firmly against the Happy Jani Journal. Having said that, however, I think we'd all benefit by setting some little part of our day aside for identifying and meditating on the good things that are happening to us. Sometimes those get lost in the problem-solving shuffle.

I like your JoUrnal No Matter what you write in it.

You've been freaking me out for 45 years....why stop now?

Aren't they great? Aren't you all great? (Yes, you are.) Hey, have a good one.

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Friday - Aug 6, 1999 - 12:08PM EDT

Tuesday Lauren spent the night-- it had been too long. She's growing and learning so fast; will no doubt overtake us all in a couple of years. Had a neat time. I made shrimp for dinner and she inhaled them (after telling us she hated shrimp.) Couldn't persuade her to try the watermelon though. What kid doesn't like watermelon?? Walked down to the East Washington playground and she ran Joe ragged. Afterwards, we watched a video she'd brought with her, Johnny Tsunami. Not bad for a kid's movie-- about a kid, a surfing champion in Hawaii, who has to move to Vermont.

I told Lauren she could either go to daycare or stay with me Wednesday. She chose to stay here then proceeded to be bored and mad she hadn't chose going to the YWCA.

Yesterday Lauren had a toothache. I offered to take her to the dentist. Walking up to the car Lauren said, "Lord have mercy-- please don't make the dentist pull my tooth." (And I used to think Heather was dramatic.) No extractions were performed-- the pain is from her permanent teeth pushing on her baby teeth. I took her back down to the playground in the afternoon. I was writing in my real journal while she played and came across a page she had written the day before. It read: "This is shhuhh a bad day."

We've had great weather this past week--- clear, sunny, high in the 80's, lows at night in the 60's. I could live like this all the time. No rain since last weekend. Because of the drought we're not allowed to water the lawn (not something I ever do anyway) only the flowers and only between the hours of 5PM and 9AM. We've been sneaking out once a week to water our new trees (a honey locust & a bradford pear.) I'm not going to stand by and watch them die, for crying out loud.

You must all be masochistic-- all replies to my survey have been "go ahead, freak us out." Be prepared... I'm in a good mood today but we all know that won't last forever. (Now if I could just channel all this negativity into my horror novel. Problem is ghosts and goblins, witches and haunted houses aren't nearly as horrifying as real life.)

The "Gotta Regatta" is going on in Pittsburgh this week. I'm upholding my tradition of the past twenty some years-- ignoring it (along with the Covered Bridge Festival, the National Pike Festival, First Night, Three Rivers Arts Festival, The Adios, Washington County Fair and every other annual festivity held within fifty miles of here.) It's my duty... someone has to do it.

Have a nice weekend... I'm going to go play my guitar.

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