It is a look inside the mind of a tormented individual, well maybe not so tormented. This is the first time I have ever posted a story anywhere. I would like to thank the BABEs Canp and all at the Mac Beta forum for allowing me the opportunity. Special thanks to farquar306 for the lyrics. THANKS ALL
Rain, it is such an insistent nuisance ah, but there are more sorrowful things in life now, aren't there? I remember a time when rain was a welcome commodity, in the desert one could never have enough of it. Now where is this damm place, I know it is on Harvard Street, just can't seem to recall ever paying much attention to it's location before. Marty's, there it is, and looks like it's very empty. That's good, I can't stand the thought of having to socialize with someone while doing this. What a dreadfully dingy place, but I seem to recall far worse places in the world. Seems I remember...never mind that thought, it will only depress you more than you already are. Someone's in here, old woman, not really a concern I guess.. Where's that machine, ah, there it is, now how do I get it to give me coins? Dammit why does this have to be so unmanageable, why can't it just be easy, the way things used to be? That's not really saying much though, things have never been that easy for me. My life has been a series of one obstacle after another, one disaster followed by the next. There seems no more fitting justice, than this duty, in the circle of my existence. There I go feeling sorry for myself again, why do I do this, what hope of redemption can I expect in this life. There can be none of course, for my deeds, in this life. Perhaps I have lost, but in the afterlife there will be peace, and perhaps a chance...I do not like to loss.
"What are you doing, don't put those together haven't you ever done this before? You can't mix those things together you get running and all sorts of strange shades will develop."
"There's no need for you to worry yourself woman I think I can handle this."
"Oh, you can huh, well then if your going to do them together than you better use cold water or your gonna be sorry, see if I care!"
Meddlesome old woman but they are all alike, always have been. It has to be the scorn of the Gods on man, Gods, that's a good one. Well then if not the Gods than some cosmic catastrophe befell mankind when women began to talk, because they have never shut up since. Now how much soap, hum, read the instructions idiot, one cup.
"If you use that concentrated stuff use just 1/4 of a cup young man, or you'll have soap all over my laundry, ya hear!" "I hear", and obey, better than an all out confrontation with the old witch.
Now the wait, it seems I have spent half of my millenniums' of existence waiting for something or someone, oh well the price I pay! Let me see I can go and get some coffee and perhaps one of those pastry's, I do have a weakness for sweet things. Yes that's a plan, should I entrust the old one with all my worldly belongings, hum? Can she be trusted or will she stab me with her hidden blade, like so many others of her gender? Listen to yourself, you are truly an imbecile, ah that reminds me of.... Oh, He's probably long gone by now. Pity I really had a fondness for him. A gentle giant, men can be like that I suppose, some men...
"Hey, are you gonna leave your things here while you go out, I'm not responsible for 'em if there stolen."
"I'll tell you what, if you watch my clothes I'll get you something that you may desire at the bakery, what do you say?"
"Well if your going to the one down on Willow Avenue then, I guess, I can keep an eye on your things."
Willow Avenue, that's five blocks away this woman is crazy.
"I was planning on going across the street, it's cold and in case you hadn't noticed raining."
"I can see that sonny, what you think I got no eyes?' That could be arranged if you keep this up, you witch. "Woman, I just thought that it would be more convenient to go"...
"Connivance that's what's wrong with the world today and all you young ones everything is fast and easy, you have no respect for hard work and the gratification that comes with it!"
Don't kill her, she's an old woman, at least wait till you finish your task here, she may keep you amused.
"I'll go to the bakery on Willow, what would you like?"
"Nothing, just wanted to hear you asked. Sonny."
How can an old woman get to you like that, what is wrong with you? My old friend was right; perhaps I've not kept up with things as well as I should. I try, but it... at times, all seems so overwhelming so...what's the word, frightening? He'd get a laugh out of that one frightened me, huh! The only thing that ever truly frightened me was...is love. Yes love not the act of it, no, I always found that part very pleasing. It seems that the lovers are always the liability. It is a pity that love cannot be all self-indulgent. Lovers, ah, they are the most dangerous of all creatures. I've read that we cannot live with them or without them, I have always preferred the latter. To many bad memories with lovers, no wait, not all-bad, there have been, just too many memories. I suppose that I've gotten to the point, in my existence, where all memories seem to blur into one. Oh I remember; there have been differences between my lovers. The smiles; their eyes; ah the eyes, I am a victim for them; the clothes, and other refinements. The single constant factor of all relationships is the bitterness of the end; this is always the same. Love is like a Scorpion; deadly but beautiful; master of its territory, manipulator of its prey and crueler than the most savage beast or skilled inquisitionor. I have never been so humbled than by love, or so betrayed. For it has been my love for them that is always my true downfall. Lovers work in their art, manipulating each other like sculpture work with their chisels, creating their works. But lovers utilize the very act of love like a tool, no, more like a weapon, sharp and deadly. Something akin to a knife, but not so unyielding as a sword, ah a stylus, or as the Romans called it Stilleto. I have never liked sharp unseen objects, I prefer to know what my foe carries. Are you listening to yourself, what is wrong with you, you fool. It must be the rain or perhaps the day; Sunday, and the cold I'm so cold.
Here's the shop at last, that damm woman had to insist on this place. Oh but I didn't have to come here now, did I! Coffee, yes, warm and bitter just like so much in life. I suppose it would be good of me to get the old woman something, hot chocolate, yes, that she would like.
"I would like a cup of hot chocolate and some coffee, with two apple turnovers. " What kind of coffee, lets see so many choices "black Ethiopian will be fine." / We never had coffee in the old days; always tea, sweetened with honey or karo, I truly hate tea! Once again I find myself lingering on the past too frequently, like my old friend says, I need to forget about those things which cannot be changed and concentrate on the ones that can. Too bad I have never been able to admit that there was no way to change things, I always found a way. I may not have used wisdom but my acts where always expedience! Well perhaps those days are gone but they continue in my memory as some of life's finer moments. Like a good bottle of cognac, fine cigar, intrepid steed or a worthy lover! Worthy may be a bit restrictive a word or just not the correct term, hum.
Some lovers I have considered admirable, yes even brave. I remember Cellicea; oh there was a very brave woman. She met me when I was uh, I guess about 3 centuries into this life, yes, that would be about the time just before I met my dear friend Methos, sigh, so many memories. She was very clever and strong in fact she could best most of the men in her village when it came to wrestling. I never could figure that out, never was much of a wrestler myself, but she was! She challenged me and all I could do, besides laugh, was except. I lost, it was quick and painless, thank you my darling. I had never met a woman with that much enthusiasm, no what was it, --- stubbornness.. In many regards she and I where like night and day but in the art of combat and pure will, we saw alike. She was the first woman I loved since my untimely first death. I admired her and she endured herself to me for many years. Then, the inevitable came, the black coach of sorrow, death. At least it was in battle, what more she would never have wanted, or asked for. I grieved for her, later learning that grief for mortal's comings and goings is often an exercise in futility, and is best squandered for those loses with consequence. (Grief for lost love is like a fresh wound, so fresh you can taste the blood. You feel you don't have the strength to live, but still you stand there pleading with your insides bleeding, because deep down you want some more.) One never learns those painful lessons of lost love, or at least I never have!
"Sir can I get you anything else?" "Uh, no I think that will be sufficient, how much?"
Pay him and get out of here and cut out these thoughts that you continue drifting into, they are cold and shallow. Longing for the past is definitely a waste of time, even if you have it to waste! Back to Marty's I think, but look at the rain coming down, oh I do dislike rain; it's cold
"Sure can, we want you to give us all the money you got in this dump lady and make it fast, demanded one of the boys.
The woman started to think, how long would it take that young man to get back hear? She decided to stall them, "I don't have very much money, boys, it wouldn't be worth this wait."
"What wait lady, you give us the money or else! Was the response.
"I've got to get my keys for the machines, the money is in them." The old woman walked slowly towards the keys, hanging on the back wall.
"Just do it lady," the boy's voice cracked with immediacy and anger.
"All right then just calm down I'm getting the keys." The woman reached for the keys all the time hoping that the stranger would come back soon.
Walk faster pretend you are being chased by Thracians, oh yes that will do. I never liked those people except for their gold and war tactics, and one woman, Amall`a. The year was, around hmm, 550bc, I think or somewhere around that time. Methos and I had ridden together for so long that it seemed we were inseparable. We where good together, but that is another story and it leads down a path of emotions I would rather not go.
"We should stop Kronos and rest our horses, it is still a half days journey to Pelium." Methos said.
Looking towards the north I could see nothing but Balkoin ranges of mountains a cold dark view, I thought, on such a warm spring day.
"Do you really think we shall make it to Pelium today, Methos?"
"Well as long as you stay out of trouble brother, we should get there shortly after dark, I think." Methos grinned as he spoke the words.
"Trouble, now Methos, you know I never get into that,' I lifted my face so he could see into my best devilish smirk, then I turned again towards the city. Methos had the uncanny ability of been right about many things during our long relationship and this time was no exception. As we crested over a hill we confronted a band of nomadic warriors
. "Well Methos looks like trouble has found me, shall I make friends with them?"
"I think it would be a wiser idea to let me do the talking here, Kronos."
"Very well I will tend to the mounts my lord Methos!"
I could always get a rise out of him if he felt I was going to start trouble. Most of the time I just acted that way to watch his reaction, after-all I needed some fun in those days. Methos soon had the leader of the band of nomads exactly where he wanted them, telling them news of their enemy's' location and strength's was always a shrewd way of creating some empathy and trust towards us, usually a grave oversight on their part. We decided, after being invited to camp for the night, to stay. Methos was engrossed in conversation with the chieftain of this band, a formidable man named... I forget, but he, like all the Thracians, was a warrior of cunning and cruelty. He was truly a man after my own heart.
I was caring for the horses well; not really, I just didn't want to get into any fights. Staying near the horses was often a prudent gesture; it kept me away from the wineskins, and the inevitable aftermath, hah! I think she saw me first and crept up to get a closer look. I heard something and turned ready to draw my short blade, and, there she stood. Beauty in a rare form, I do not think that I had, or have ever since, seen anyone so gifted by the gods as Amell`a. I wanted her and decided I wouldn't be denied. She was not so overwhelmed by me, instead she asked about our destination. It seemed she needed someone to get her to Pelium and her brother, the leader of this band, was not going to turn around for anyone. Well what could I do but offer our assistance! After much deliberation between Methos and; what was his name I forget names but he was no match for Methos' logic, an agreement was made. The three of us set out with a few of his men.
I remember those days with her and how hard it was to win her trust. But worth every moment of time, she was. Methos left us after a year or so and went of to Thebes. A bitter argument between us caused his departure. We spent days deliberating and dueling with each other for it all to come down to a few sorrowfully bitter sentences. "Kronos you are making a mistake staying with her it will only lead to the inescapable, why won't you just let it go and come with me?"
"Why, because I love her, because you don't need me, and because I want to stay here brother. Surely you see, I am weary and need this time, yet you, my dearest brother refuse to be reasonable about this, why don't you stay Methos!"
"No Kronos I will not, I know what you feel but...(I also know you want to run away. But you will stay, because she gives you what you want.) When the time comes, we shall meet up together again that is our fate my brother, farewell Kronos."
He looked at me with the most disheartening expression on his face, and he rode away. It would be 30 years until I found him again, by then Amall`as' death brought bitterness that cut deep into my soul forever. Methos knew all the things that where eating away at that fine thread of humanity that still clung to my heart. He talked to me about her goodness and how much she love me and she would not want me to be like this, but he knew it was too late. He had known, that day 30 years ago, and was unable to stop the inevitable. His words then, all too late, coldness had crept into my heart despair into my thoughts. I remembered how much she had wanted children, something I could not give her. Not her fault, but she blamed herself, oh my dearest I knew how you longed for that which could never be. So trying to compensate, I showered her with all that I could give, my love, loyalty, wealth and ever- dying devotion. She was, for that brief time, the center of my universe. She passed into the afterlife, like so many of her time, at a young age. Some sort of pneumonia I think, it took several weeks for her to die. At times I contemplated hurrying it along, but could not bring myself to the act. Isn't that ironic, me not being able to kill. When I left her funeral pyre, I never looked back. But I felt the wounds from grieving over that lost love for centuries. That grieving turned to anger, malice and all other terrors that I could inflict upon my world. I dared not love again. (Love says she wants forgiveness, it's such a clever masquerade. She's so good with her stiletto; you sometimes don't even see the blade.) Now once again I dwell on the past, uh, (SIGH) Marty's, good it's wet and cold, the rain is so cold, have I mentioned I hate the cold.
Inside the laundry the old woman was taking the money out of one machine at a time. The two young men did not notice the figure staring in the window.
What's this, I can't believe it of all the God damn f****** things, not today please, you imbeciles I'm already depressed. Well maybe this will pick up my spirits a little, hum. Put the bag down out here where it will be safe, you didn't walk all this way to have your coffee succumb too these two. Shall I frighten them or just beat them to a pulp, decision, where's Methos when I need him!
Kronos walked into the laundry smiling, "WELL what have we here." Try not to cause a scene this is a very convent laundry. Look at then posturing as if I intend to actually rise a hand to them.
"Hey man just get out of here if you wise, ya know," one of the boys said as he stepped closer to Kronos.
"No I'm a little unclear as to your meaning, perhaps you would care to elaborate, why don't we take this outside, gentlemen!"
"What are you a f****** moron, get out of here or we gonna wreck you man!" the second boy yelled.
Patience is a virtue too bad I'm not virtuous. Perhaps if I show them my sword, ah, and a few well-chosen words, that's what Methos would do. Yes non-violence, well I always like to try new things.
"Your exertion into this establishment was, shall we say, ill-advised." Flash them the sword and the smile. "Perhaps you two would like to reconsider...I hope they don't have a gun, hate being shot. No gun, and look at their faces, I always liked the look of terror on people's faces. I'm almost as found of it as Caspian was, ah; he always enjoyed a good...
"Leaving so soon little men, oh and I was just beginning to enjoy myself."
Follow them outside the door and get your coffee, its getting cold and wet out there. They certainly can run fast, glad I don't have to chase them down, I miss having a horse around. Great, the old lady is on the phone, police I think. Better get in there and calm her down, or at least get my clothes and get out while I can.
"Are you all right, woman, did they hurt you and who are you talking to on the phone, police?"
"No the police don't come down here until after someone is dead, I'm calling my sister, she's got to come meet you, sonny. You know, you're the first person I ever known to carry a sword instead of a gun, ha, what a hoot!" Great a sister, get your clothes and get out of here.
"Aren't you gonna give me what you got in the bag sonny?"
I'll give you something and then they, will put you in a bag. "How did you know I got you something woman?" She's smiling at you; look out she's a witch.
"I figured you were a nice boy and when you said you was going to Willow Ave, well you took my advice, isn't that so?"
Where is she going with this, she's stalling you, get your clothes and get out.
"So what you get me sonny?"
" Ah, hot chocolate and well, you can look in the bag yourself, help yourself, I need to go."
Clothes in the bag I'll dry them later, and I'm off.... Oh no, not now, one of my kind where is it coming from, where? Its Methos, no don't come in here, please no...
"Kronos where the hell have you been?' ' I've been waiting for two hours. I wish when you tell me a time you'd at least try to get it correct for once, ahh. Hello there, and who are you?"
For my sake try to be nice to the old woman Methos, please!
Methos walked over to the old woman with a thretening look upon his face. Glancing towards his brother, he said, "What's that look for Kronos?"
"Nothing Methos, let's go."
"GO but I just got here and seeing that you have made us late, I might as well enjoy myself watching you do laundry, what do you say brother?"
"Hey Mr. Methodose or whatever, you come over here." Snapped the old woman.
Oh good thinking lady you have no idea, please don't do anything Methos.
"You shouldn't talk to your brother like that, you never know when your gonna need em!" Now the woman turned her gaze towards Kronos and asked, 'What he call you, Kronnoze, is that Russian, are you boy's from Russia, spies I bet, funny you don't look like brother, who's adopted?"
Starting to laugh Methos turned to Kronos "I see you have been making friends again Kronos, isn't that touching, lets go!"
"In a minute Methos, woman would you like a ride home or maybe I should wait for your sister to get here, those kids might come back."
"That's awful nice of you sonny, but you must have some important business with this fellow, you can go, you don't owe me nothing." Ungrateful old witch, fine if that is what you want. "Let's go, Methos."
/Outside in the rain again, ah the car, thank you Methos!
"What were you doing with that woman, being nice, Kronos?"
"And what if I was, she's just an old woman, lonely too, so we shared an adventure. You know she's got courage Methos."
" Great, that's nice Kronos; maybe she can help us in our latest troubles, ha! " You're a Smart-ass Methos and you always were. Wait what's that.
"Stop the car Methos, now!"
"I thought I saw something at the laundry when we turned the corner, go back, now."
"There, those kids, coming out of the laundry they must have been waiting for me to leave," I'm getting sloppy I hould have killed them.
Methos jumped from the car and started to run after the teens, "I'll get them brother you go and check on your old woman."
"NO Methos, you go to her, I'll take care of them."
Where did they go ah, video store, there they are! Come out boys, I'm in the mood for revenge. Ambulance siren going over to Harvard Street, they hurt the old woman. Well if you won't come out I guess I'll come in. . "Hello boys, come with me!" Careful not to break them yet.
"Someone get this guy off us, you got no right get your hands off us mister!" Too much noise and people let me think.
"Now boys you can explain things down at the station." Good everyone will think you're a cop, just great, this will almost guaranty you'll be shot, and I hate getting shot!
"Mister you got a badge or something says you're a cop." Oh wonderful an Impudent store attendant.
"Yes here, it's in my inside coat pocket, I'd get it for you but as you can see my hands are full.'"
That's it lift up the coat (I can think of a few smutty things here). There get a good look; there's that look of terror I so adore.
"Nice sword don't you think and I assure you I know how to use it, is there anything else you want?"
" Ah, no mister, I guess you check out O.K."
"Come on boys lets take a walk." I think this alley is a good place.
"Your little adventure today was very unwise, I gave you one chance, I never give another. Here we are, nice quiet alley, now who's first. You I think, I don't like the way you talked to me in the laundry. Don't worry I'll make it quick. Now what did you do to that old woman?" Never mind they don't have to say it; I can see it in their eye. Shall it be mercy pure and simple; no I think not, I think death...
"Methos, the old woman how is she?" Never mind old friend I can see how she is in your eyes, once again, death...
" I suppose we are every late now brother, we better get going Methos."
' "It's to bad about the old woman, Kronos, she seemed to like you."
"I know, she was entertaining, but it is really a pity that I won't be able to use that laundry again it was rather
convient. I'll have to start sending my clothes out again for cleaning. I rather liked doing them myself, it gives you time to think, you know, about the past and well"...
"I know Kronos, my old friend, I know."
You see I find, as I said earlier, that grief for mortals' coming and going is often an exercise in futility, because they simply come and go, so quickly. Pity and compassion none of us are immune to, though my brother Methos would say of me otherwise. These feelings are however, here today gone tomorrow or something like that. But love, well that is another thing entirely. To love is to live and die with the finding and losing of the lover. (Love is so fascinating that you're still there waiting, when she comes back for the kill. She's so good with her stiletto; you don't even see the blade. You've been bought; you've been sold. You've been locked outside the door, but You stand there pleading, with You insides bleeding; because You know deep down that still want some more.)
FINIS
Stiletto by Billy Joel
She cuts you once, she cuts you twice
Then she says she needs affection
She cuts you out, she cuts you down
Mail the Author
But still you believe
The wound is so fresh you can taste the blood
But you don't have strength to live
You've been bought, you've been sold
You've been locked outside the door
But you stand there pleadin',
With your insides bleedin',
'Cause you deep down want some more
Then she says she wants forgiveness
It's such a clever masquerade
She's so good with her stiletto
You don't even see the blade
She cuts you hard, she cuts you deep
She's got so much skill
She's so fascinating that you're still there waiting
When she comes back for the kill
You've been slashed in the face
You've been left there to bleed
You want to run away
But you know you're gonna stay
'Cause she gives you what you need
While she searches for the vein
She's so good with her stiletto
You don't really mind the pain
She carves up your life
But you won't do nothing
As she keeps on cutting
'Cause you know you love the knife
You've been bought, you've been sold
You've been locked outside the door
But you stand there pleadin'
With your insides bleedin'
'Cause you deep down want some more
Then she says she needs affection
While she searches for the vein
She's so good with her stiletto
You don't really mind the pain
You don't mind the pain
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