11/02/95
My dearest Alexa,
After I left you this afternoon on your porch, I came home for some much needed soul-searching as you asked me too. As is my custom when thinking long and hard, I was listening to some of my favorite music and one song really jumped out at me - it was so appropriate for our situation and how I feel.
Try
To make me run away
I’ll only hang around and wait
For you
I could never fall too fast
I found my true love at last
In you
And it would make me cry
If you should ever leave my side
Darling put your hand in mine
Come with me now we can fly
To paradise
How can we doubt it
We can’t live without it
So fine
Come
Into my open wounds
Don’t ask me if I’d die for you
Darling it’s not worth living
Under any circumstances
This is a true
This is a true romance
I know that you find it hard to believe that any sane man would want to involve himself with you and your illness. I know how you tried to make me run away, first by refusing to see me and then telling me all the horrible details of your illness. Unfortunately it did not work like you wanted. I have seen many horrible things in my life and your young, beautiful face is not one of them.
I know you have been conditioned by the world you now inhabit to not believe that love is possible for you or to have hope for the future. But I meant it when I said that you could choose to spend the rest of your time on this earth dying, or living, with me. You have remarkable courage as already evidenced by your determination and your dignity in the face of this devastating tragedy that has befallen you. Don’t give up that courage now. Come with me to see the world. We will take as much time as we are given and we will live our lives to the fullest.
While you have struggled with the shock and grief of the news of your illness and grim prognosis, I think you have lost sight of the inner you. You tell me that you are not beautiful and yet to me you are the most beautiful woman alive. Not only are you beautiful on the outside but you are beautiful in your soul. This inner beauty, which radiates out of you, is as powerful, if not more powerful, a magnet as the outer wrappings. Your luminous skin, long shiny hair and that delectable body that I long to uncover inch by inch make me ache with desire. But I also long to know the inner you - what your hopes are, your dreams, your fears, your delights. I want to know it all. I know you felt that spark of recognition and awareness that first night at Joe’s as well as I did, no matter how you try to deny it and yourself, not daring to believe that it could happen to you. Well, it has and I find that I cannot let you deny your feelings or my feelings for you. Because my feelings are the deepest kind........I love you.
I know that you cannot understand how I could have fallen in love with you so quickly. As you pointed out we have only seen each other three times. All I can say is that you - your spark, your vitality, your quiet strength, your soul - they all call to me and touch me in some deep dark place in my own soul. I cannot let you go without loving you to the best of my ability. You help to heal wounds within my soul with your purity, your freshness and your joy in the simple pleasures of life. They help to renew the humanity in me, erasing some of the cynicism. It is ironic that you, who are dying, are teaching me how to live again.
I know I have strong-armed you somewhat into considering my offer. I sincerely hope that your decision is to not play it safe by staying here in your comfortable niche, just waiting for your life to end. I desperately need you and your healing warmth and touch as well as your love. I anxiously await your decision, knowing that I must live with it whether the answer be yes or no. Having said that, I desire with all my heart, as I have not done in a long time, that you find the courage and strength to go with me......the alternative is unthinkable.
Sighing, Methos closed his journal and went to take a shower. It was 6:00 p.m. and he had told Alexa he would meet her at Joe’s at seven. He fervently hoped, with all his 5,000+ years, that her answer would be yes.
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