DISCLAIMER: Rebecca, John Bowers, and the Highlander Universe are the property of Rysher, and Davis/Panzer. No money is made from this story.
Lyrics are "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin, and are displayed at the end.
Grief
by Star Dancing
The tall, grey-haired man stood looking out his bedroom window. The blackness of the cloudy night matched the darkness of his spirit. It had been nearly three months since his sun had set, never to rise again.
He could say the nights were the worst, but the truth was, the time of day made no difference in his pain. Warm bright days were no easier than stormy, cold midnights.
If he'd needed to name any one time the hardest, it would have to be waking up. No matter when or how long he slept, each time he awoke there were a few seconds just before the truth crashed in. Time during which he would feel like he was trying to hold back the tide with his bare hands. Then the memory surfaced and the wave of grief rolled over him.
"Rebecca is dead."
That never changed. His mind still tried to deny it; still shied away from the memory of her headless body. This was supposed to get easier with time. He didn't think he *had* enough time for his pain to lessen. Maybe if he was immortal he could wait the 50 or 100 years it would take.
Is this what immortals went through every time? Centuries of loss? No wonder Rebecca had been so hesitant to get involved. He had pursued her for months before she'd even agreed to go out with him. Then months more of intense courting until she answered his proposal with yes. Rebecca had insisted on telling him the truth about her life before she would consider marriage. She'd wanted him to know, as much as it was possible, what he was getting into.
The idea that she would outlive him had been almost welcome. Selfish though it was, he had been relieved he wouldn't be left to live for years alone without her. Now, he could see the lonely years stretching out before him.
He found himself talking to her as if she were still beside him. Talking about the weather, work, whatever came up. He knew if anyone overheard him, they would think he'd completely lost his mind. And maybe he had. He had certainly lost his reason for living, why not say he'd just lost his reason.
"So darling, how am I supposed to go on? You didn't give me any advice. We both just assumed you would be the one to grieve. Now I'm stuck. No way forward, no way back. Just mired in this ... void." John Bowers sighed and turned from the window.
He paced restlessly around the room and finally ended up collapsing into a chair by the fireplace. "Good woman, I gave you my all. I have nothing left without you." He stared off into space, looking into a future without light.
The hours ticked by unnoticed and unwanted. John only realized the passage of time when he heard the birds trilling outside. He turned his head to see sun shining in the window. He slowly got up and walked over to look out.
"The sun is shining, my dear. Yet, it still seems so dark somehow. But, if the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. So tell me Rebecca, what am I to do?"
He waited, listening for the voice that never came.
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Lyrics used: Good woman, I gave you my all.
and
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
Lyrics were given me by Amand-r
"Thank You" by Led Zeppelin
If the sun, refused to shine
I would still be loving you.
Mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me.
Good woman, I gave you my all,
Kind woman, nothing more
Little drops of rain
Whisper on the pane
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by
But if our love is strong,
Here there is no wrong
Together we shall go until we die,
Oh my my,
Inspiration, that's what you are to me,
Inspiration, love to see
If the sun, refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
Mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me.
You and me.
You and me.
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