Time, cultures and values: everything is relative according to Methos. There are only two enduring truths in his universe: ‘Don't lose your head' and ‘Live, grow stronger, fight another day.' "Sigh."
Now I'm hearing another variation of the drivel he's been feeding me all this time. I was listening to NPR and heard it on the radio, (the show host said) too much of what they('d) said wasn't so ... now we've got to do those things that they (so recently) thought before were so wrong (in order) to be healthy and strong. I guess Methos really does have his finger on the tenor of the times better than I. I'm the old-fashioned one here, holding fast to the belief that there are certain immutable truths, things like good and evil, justice, injustice,..... Well, he's had so much more time, so much more practice and experience learning to adjust his beliefs over his long lifetime. Riiiiiight.
Good excuse, MacLeod. The truth is that he holds survival more dear than anything else, requiring that he maintain an easy acceptance of changing mores. When they no longer fit, no longer facilitate his survival, he simply sloughs them off like a worn-out cloak. I've a damned lot more trouble embracing situational ethics than he does. Expediency may be the shortest route between two points on life's continuum, but as far as I'm concerned it's not always the best path. And it's certainly not the best one for me; it's not a route that I can follow on a regular basis. Maybe I'm too young to grasp what Methos has learned.
Somehow I will find a way to cope, to allow myself more flexibility. But there's only so far I can bend and still remain true to myself. I need to be able to live comfortably with whom I've become and what I've done. But what way to that end, what route? And how do I get there? How?
I'll never be able to handle another dark quickening. It's almost impossible living inside my skin as it is with all the deaths I've caused and the memories of those who are no longer with me. Then there are all the dangers I pose [both physically and emotionally] to those who are still around me, still alive.
Life and death are *not* relative. I've got to find a way to endure, no prevail, if I'm ever going to live some semblance of a normal, fulfilling life again.
Aye, that's a big order all right: finding a way to live with myself while keeping everyone I care for safe. There's only so far I can adjust before my heart is rent asunder and I lose myself in the trying. I will not run away; I've got to face this head on. Oh, Methos, I don't think I'll ever be able to adapt as easily to change as you seem to do.
All the king's horses and all the king's men will probably come galloping along any minute now. Will Methos be there to help them put this Humpty Dumpty back together again? Can he help me yet again? I genuinely wonder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, Methos. Just when did your opinions become so important to me? By the time I'd fought Ingrid, I clearly knew. Hmm. I think I even knew it when we'd first met and fought over who should take whose head in order to have the strength to take Kalas.
And when did your actions become so important to me? Well, leaving aside the Kalas fiasco, I think it must have been during the ‘Kristin incident', when you helped me remodel that house and acknowledge my feelings toward Ritchie's behavior. You bitched and moaned, but your actions demonstrated a deep comradery, nay, an abiding love for me. And having felt your love and admiration, I want never to lose either [the emotional or ---mm hmm--- the physical expression] of them.
I mean where would I be today if he didn't love me enough to leave Alexa's side to come to me and help control the dark quickening? To help me when the Watchers took Joe? Or when I faced O'Rourke, or all those other times that he was there for me when I needed someone?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tessa, after I lost you, I never thought I'd care for someone so deeply again. Yet there he was. There he is. Fair as a summer's garden, thorny as overgrown roses entwined with a raspberry thicket run wild, but still just as sweet for all that; supportive and solid as a boxwood hedge along a fence; elusive as a night-blooming flower in the heart of a forest.
Ah, my dearest Methos, I'm trying hard to do it all so I can remain healthy and sane. I'll live forever ... always one more tomorrow ... living forever ... always one more tomorrow . . . I want to spend those tomorrows together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FINI~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks to my lyrics sister for giving me such wonderful lyrics to work with.
LIVING FOREVER by GENESIS
I'm feeling so confused today,
it seems to me they've changed the rules again.
‘Cos in my life
I'm trying hard to do it all
so I can remain healthy and sane.
I'll live forever, always one more tomorrow,
living forever, always one more tomorrow ...
I heard it on the radio,
too much of what they said wasn´t so,
and now we've got to do those things
that they thought before were so wrong,
to be healthy and strong ...
I know we don't need you,
I know we don't believe you,
you don't really have the answers.
You think you know better,
you think it really matters,
you just want to rule over everybody's lives.
But I think I'll change my life today,
gone are the times of taking care,
and I really don't need a reason why,
‘cos all I need is all in a day,
survive in a way, or just till tomorrow...
there's always one more tomorrow ... living forever,
do you really want to live forever?
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