Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: How is a lawyer different from a hooker?
A: There are some things a hooker just won't do.
Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the sockets go with the house.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack
Q: What's Black and Brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
Q: What do you call a lawyer skydiving?
A: A skeet.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love & Eric Lindross?
A: Eric takes a shower after 3 periods
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this crap?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.
Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot?
A: "How Come?"
Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush.
Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
Q: What's the definition of a teenager?
A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new "Stealth Condom?"
A: "They'll never see you coming."
Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats.
Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
A: S&M&M.
Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?
Q: Define Transvestite:
A: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day. Fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: There's no business like Show Business.
A: There's no job like a blow job.
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both substitute meats.
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.
Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's going.
Q: What are 3 two letter words that say small?
A: Is it in.
Q: How are airplanes and women alike?
A: They both have cockpits.
Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with a pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator!
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold onto your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blow job.
Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hairballs.
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavors.
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.
Q: What do you get when you mix Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey.
Q: What is the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handle bars.
Q: What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A: A mobile sperm bank.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
A: All you can eat for under a buck.
Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone