2004-2005 School Year
"Fuck a duck in its asshole" - 12/7/04
"Why don't people enjoy agreeing with me? You and Brian will go to the ends of the Earth to disagree with me." - 11/11/04
"A little morning Superwood." - 10/14/04
"That irked me. That irked me something terrible." - 10/14/04
"Look at the fucking blinking lights you epileptic dickhole." - 10/8/04
"Yeah, your dumbass is a dumbass." - 9/22/04
"If there's grass on the quidditch field, play ball!" - 9/8/04
"I don't know much about magical cameras. That's Ali and Jeanette's field." - 9/8/04

2003-2004 School Year
"Dude God and code work in mysterious ways." - 4/26/04
"They should make a Slim-Fast beer." - 4/4/04
"Actually it won't. It'll just make it into little balls that'll wash off easily." - 3/28/04
"There's a lot more desparate girls there. It works well for you." - 3/20/04
"You're such a drunken mess you Irish bastard." - 3/12/04
"Ohh, that smells so good. Not your burp - the Tahou's." - 2/20/04
"They just take up prime real estate, and it pisses me off." - 2/2/04
"I bet they just wake up each morning and take turns kicking each other in the balls. It's like, 'Hey Rick, good morning. Spread 'em!'" - 2/2/04
"God has a special place in his heart for morons." - 1/4/04
"Ya know what? Put a finger in your bum-bum." - 12/4/03
"It's man in a bottle." - 12/2/03
"You need to go on medication." - 12/2/03
"I just made fun of us being gay and I was the man! Take it!" - 12/2/03
"If we were a real time strategy game, they would be an upgraded form of geek." - 12/2/03
"Little nuggets of pain." - 11/15/03
"It's like you've got that one reserve player who can just kick the bejeesus out of the ball." - 11/15/03
"I cracked you." - 11/12/03
"Take advantage of me - I'm advantageful." - 11/1/03
"There's a lot of me to lick." - 11/1/03
"A Hispanic missle." - 10/18/03
"I need some monogamy." - 10/11/03
"Oh! Suck a dick, ya cock!" - 10/6/03
"High five! Not." - 10/3/03
"That's the shit they scrape off the floor of the meat factories." - 9/27/03
"House? The English play House, not Bingo? No wonder they lost the world." - 9/27/03
"You'd be worried about Krissy if you had a Krissy." - 9/26/03
"This fuckin numbnuts gave us three forks and one knife. Is the math that complicated?" - 9/22/03
"It's like dick length away." *pause* "Well, my dick length." - 9/17/03
"Gandalf's anti-age cream!" - 9/10/03
"Of course, they're in New Zealand. There's a lot of big guys there." - 9/10/03
"Gollum must have callus all over his body. He must be like a giant foot." - 9/10/03
"It's a death trap!" - 9/6/03

2002-2003 School Year
"Look at all those Penii frollicking." - (date unknown)
"A ball of sex." - (date unknown)
"I had Psychology with them. Every Monday I like fuckin spooged my pants." - 3/29/03
"NOOOOO! Okay." - 2/23/03
"I'm gonna get my fucking knife, and kill you. Give me a chance! I'll kill you." - 2/23/03
"Your torso is longer." - 2/16/03
"Tastes like God." - 2/14/03
"Everything about the Vikings is manly. Even their women." - 2/13/03
"It'd get stuck in your intestines, and you'd die of shit-packup." - 2/12/03
"Pussyflapping. The flapping of your pussy lips." - 2/1/03
"Who's a giant cock? I'm a giant cock!" - 2/1/03
"Ya know what's even cooler? My hair right now!" - 1/22/03
"Let's put the little black thing into the goal." - 1/10/03
"She's a super-Indian." - 1/10/03
"You'd get, like, razor burn on your testicles." - 12/18/02
"It's like, a biblical plate." - 12/14/02
"Don't flatter yourself. You're Spunch, you're like Superman's bitch." - 12/13/02
"You can actually probably fuck a woofer." - 11/16/02
"Shut up before I stick my straw through your eye." - 11/16/02
"I don't trust anything that ends in -osh." - 11/16/02
"Snow chariot." - 11/8/02
"So sayeth Chris." - 11/8/02
"Jedis are so cool." - 11/2/02
"Not even asshole - schlong-hole - the hole in your schlong." - 10/8/02
"Wow, it's one of those sucky non-working doorstops." - 10/8/02
"Shut thine hole, fudgepacker." - 10/6/02
"You'd fuckin perish." - 10/3/02
"Fuckin ass-rape your hair." - (date unknown)
"Flaming ass-shoes." - 9/20/02
"Shit in a bag is better than Gracie's." - (date unknown)
"I'm gonna fuckin castrate him with a dull spoon." - (date unknown)