Dr. Zhivago

Hi everyone.. For those of you who may have gotten to this page via someone sending it to you, my name is Debbie. I live in Scranton, PA. I have 6 children and 6 grandchildren. I am 50 years old and was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 45.

I guess before I start about being diagnosed with breast cancer, I should go to the beginning. In October of 1997, I underwent a hysterectomy. When I went into the hospital, I didn't tell my friends or family what it was for. I had just said they were going to do a simple operation to try to control my excessive bleeding. My husband wanted to take the day off from work, but I told him it would be senseless to miss a days pay for nothing. My son and I walked to the hospital that morning. I had told him he could go home, there was no sense in sitting around for the couple hours that I would be in surgery. Imagine my surprise when I woke up and they said my son had been there all the while. I remember saying "Sam, didn't I tell you to go home?" He said, "Yeah, but I didn't want to leave you. Remember last year when I had my appendectomy and you stayed with me all night?" I said well Sam, I AM your mother you know.. and I'll never forget what he said.. "He said, "That's right mom, and I'm your son." Beautiful, isn't he?

When I was released from the hospital, they gave me an appointment to go back to the doctor's in 3 weeks.. I was home about a week when the doctor called my house at 7 pm.. He told me he wanted to tell me the good news instead of me waiting for my appointment. There was no cancer showing!! I was so excited, I blurted out the news without thinking. Everyone was stunned. My husband and kids were really upset with me that I hadn't told them how serious the reason was for my surgery.

When I went back for my check up, the doctor was surprised at how well I was doing and then ordered a mammogram. Unfortunately, I never went. I had had one when I was 38, and didn't really see the need for one. For as much as cancer runs in my family, for some reason, breast cancer never, not once, ever entered my mind. Little was I to know, one year later, that would be just what I was facing.

On November 5, 1998, I accidently found a lump on my right breast. Knowing I didn't have insurance, I called the American Cancer Society and explained the situation to them. I was told thru the Susan B. Komen plan, I could have a mammogram done. I was to call my doctor and have him order the mammogram. They told me to make sure the doctor wrote the order up for the mammogram and an ultrasound. With that done, I went to the ACS to get the paperwork for this to be done.

The day of the mammogram I knew something was up when they took me from the room I was in right to the room where they do the ultrasound. The radiologist told me that he would be in touch with my doctor immediately. Well, by now I'm scared, but tried to make my mind up not to worry til I get back to my doctor.

My doctor set up an appointment with another doctor who was to do the biopsy and subsequently my surgery. A needle biopsy was done in his office and once again I was sent home to wait. The following week the receptionist called me and asked me to come to the office the following day and to please bring someone with me. I went alone. I was trying to convince myself if I was alone, the news wouldn't be bad. Not only that, I figured if it was cancer (which deep down I knew that it was going to be) I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

The doctor explained to me the lump was indeed cancer and he felt it would be best for me to have a macsectomy rather than a lumpectomy. He said where the tumor was located, it had a better chance of spreading and if I were his wife or daughter, the masectomy would be the best choice. I started crying, not so much because I was going to lose the breast, but I was just so afraid of the word cancer. He told me if I wanted I could get a second opinion but I figured why waste time? He asked me if I wanted reconstructive surgery done at the time of the macsectomy, but I said no.

My surgery was scheduled for Nov. 30th. The right breast was removed with 10 nodes. I was told everything went as well as could be expected. The next day I asked the doctor if I could go home. He said to stay at least one more night, so I did. I was out of the hospital the following morning by 8 AM.

This time, I told the family of the cancer. My husband, two of my daughters, of course my son Sam, my one sister, my mom (which really surprised me) and my step dad were all there. And they were all there when I woke up... They said that as I was being wheeled from the recovery room, my mom was asking me how I felt.. my daughter said Mom you opened your eyes and looked right at Grandma and said, "Oh, mom, I was just scared titless".. fortunately, I do not remember saying that.

When I went back to the doctor's for a check up and to get some of the stitches removed, he told me the nodes that were taken were cancer-free, but something with the receptors he did not care for and was referring me to an oncologist.

The oncologist said with the history of cancer in my family and the receptor in the nodes, he was going to recommend chemotherapy. They said the pill, Tamoxifen, I could not take. I was on a clinical trial drug, which, unfortunately I can't remember the name of, along with another. (If I heard the names, I'd remember them.) I had 4 treatments, three weeks apart. Outside of some nausea after the treatments, it wasn't as bad as I feared it would be. Before my second treatment, every bit of my hair came out. I never realized how small my head was until I lost all my hair. I bought a wig, but I hated the feel and the look of it. My kids gave me their caps to wear and before long, that was all I would wear. I was called sir by plenty. At this point, I was so thankful to be alive, they could have called me Gramps for all I cared. :=)

After I had my first treatment the doctor ordered a MUGA scan. This was done to test the heart muscle. Everything was fine with the first one. When I had the second one done, the heart muscle wasn't as strong due to the chemo. The doctor debated giving me the last treatment but then decided to go ahead with it. The last treatment was the worst. I was sick for over a week and it seems I did nothing but sleep. Every 3 months I had to go back to the oncologist because something with my platelets had to be checked. Even during the chemo treatments at times my platelet count was so low that they thought they might have to stop the treatments. Then in Novemember of 1999, a year after the surgery, I was told everything looked good.

So here it is a year after my surgery and there has been no signs of the cancer returning. The fear is always there, but I can't let the fear run my life. For a while every ache or pain I would get, I was convinced it was the cancer coming back. It's not as bad as it once was, but the fear is still there.

(update) I am just about at the infamous 5 year mark and so far, so good...

I have been told by many how brave I am and how great my outlook is on the situation. I tell them no, I am not brave, and believe me I'm not. There were many times I would sit alone and cry... many times thinking this is just a short reprieve and that I wouldn't see my youngest kids grow up or see my grandchildren grow. Brave? Not hardly.

All I can do now, is hope that all my future doctor's appointments will be the same as they've been for the last year. Some say it is too soon to say I'm a cancer survivor, but as long as I am here, I'm a survivor. A scaredy-cat, yes, but I'm here and hope to be for a long time.

So, on this note, I ask anyone who is reading this to please, have yourself or a loved one do monthly breast exams, have mammograms when they should. You are never too young to start these life saving procedures. Please don't think you are 'too young' or in great health or any other reason you may think of to say this can't happen to you. If I sound like I'm on a soap box about this, it's only because I, like many others, thought it could never happen to me. ~Debbie~

UPDATE: April 7, 2000: For the past three weeks, I went for blood work, bone density scan, a total body scan, and a colonoscopy. The tumor markers all came back ok.. The scans and the colonoscopy were all saying NOTHING FOUND!!! I am now thru with my doctor appointments til June 12th.. I am so thankful that there is still no cancer showing.. I pray everyday that I will be a survivor of cancer.. When I see all the ones who aren't as fortunate as myself, my heart breaks.. it really does. So while I pray for my good fortune, I also pray for those who aren't as lucky.. Hopefully one day, cancer will be a thing of the past or at the very least something that can be cured no matter what stage it is in. ~Debbie

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