It seems like months since I last wrote in this. Actually, it’s only been a few days. If this journal had sound, I’d be sighing pretty heavily.

 Life’s been strange. I mean, stranger than the usual vampires-and-demons-exist strange. There’s the new Slayer thing – Amber Lee hasn’t been around much, she went home after she woke up and said she’d be back this morning, which she was, and helped us out with the war council planning session today. But then, there’s the whole Angel thing – I love him. And although I honestly don’t know if it’s me or the curse speaking, I try not to think about it. Buffy didn’t take it well at all for a few days. Then, after Angel remembered the second part of the curse, she seemed to be…I dunno, not-Buffy-ish. She stopped the whole jealous ‘Angel-and-I-are-soulmates-forever-even-though-we-can’t-sleep-together’ bit, and actually began being helpful. I need to have a girl-to-girl chat with her, and look at all the hyphens I’ve been using. Oh well. That’s life. The whole situation, not the hyphens. Anyway…

 The second part of the curse. Or prophecy, or whatever you want to call it. “…the black emptiness becoming hate, and the two shall forever be at war and peace.” Very not good stuff. I don’t want to hate Angel. I don’t think that Angel wants to hate me, either. And he’s strong. He’s way stronger than me, like he showed when he was…

 Oh no.

 Dear Goddess, I just realized something very, very, very bad.

 Angelus.

 If Angel and I…if we…oh no…Angelus could come out! And that’s what the prophecy must mean about him hating me, and me hating him! Oh no, oh dear, I gotta call Giles! I’ll write again later on.

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Angelus du Délai
1999

 As I wrote last night, I remembered the second half of the prophecy with nothing but a sick feeling in my stomach. Willow is my world now – I cannot lose her, I refuse to lose her. Her wit, her intelligence, her innocent beauty, all her traits and talents are so irresistible. True, I had noticed this quite a long time ago. But I was so wrapped up with my unlife with Buffy, and my own tortured soul, that I never gave her the attention and love she deserved.

 We decided to work out a plan for the second half of the prophecy today. However, I feel guilty for how Willow and I acted in the others’ presence. While we were not blatantly expressing our desires for each other in front of them, we were doing quite a bit of that underneath the tabletop.

 Here is our plan: In the same way that our love increases by the filling of the moon (come to think of it, the full moon is soon approaching, too, tomorrow, in fact) our love is to decrease as the moon empties. So we shouldn’t get to full-blown hate until the new moon itself. On the night of the new moon, Willow and I are kept as separate as possible, even chained and caged if necessary. Until then…well, we didn’t get all that much planning done after all. Amber Lee, the new Slayer, showed up, and Buffy went off to help her train. And thinking of Buffy…well, she’s been much more docile about the prophecy than she has been.

 That’s all for tonight – my phone is ringing. Not many people call, so it’s most likely important. Farewell for now.

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 I’ve forgiven Willow. And Angel. Although it’s not quite right to call it forgiven, I’ve just decided that it’ll be easier to get through this without being a bitch. I’ve come to realize some stuff: 1) Angel and I have been a non-thing for a while now. I have no actual claim to him. 2) This is a curse, a prophecy, something I have no control over. 3) Willow is my best friend. She’s always been there for me, and this is just a time that I’m going to have to be there for her, and if it means hearing all the ‘juicy’ details…well then, so be it. I’m the Slayer – I’m a good guy. I have to live up to that now.

 Amber Lee has major potential. She and I talked a lot – she knows all about Slayers and Watchers. Turns out her brother was a vamp, and she learned the hard way about the baddies of the night. She just never thought that she was a Slayer. I think I’m gonna have a lot of fun patrolling with her, she’s so perky sometimes…kinda reminds me of me. Hm…is that a good thing? We’ll see.

 Luv,

  Buffy

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Watcher Diary: Rupert Giles: 1999

 Things continue to unfold. I’m writing this after our group discussion this afternoon, mentioned in the entry before this one. Willow has just called me from her house – she brought my attention to a certain element that none of us had yet thought of. Angel’s soul, as we all know, is not permanent. Therefore, if he and Willow become too close, it is quite possible that he will lose his soul, and we will be forced to deal with Angelus once again. I know that I, for one, am not looking forward to it, but it is something that we must accept, and thus, plan around. I am going to call Angel in a moment, but felt it necessary to mark this moment down first. I shall write again when we know more.

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Today (which comes after yesterday)

 Freaky, yo, ya know? Heh. You already know about my past, and what happened, and still I talk to you like you’re a new friend. Go fig. So anyway, I’m a Slayer. Can’t say THE Slayer, cuz there’s already another one, but hey, I don’t mind sharing, eh? ;) Giles – Rupert Giles, actually, but hey, whatevah – called a meeting today to talk about Willow and Angel, whom I totally don’t know. Willow is this girl with hair the same color as mine, which rocks. Angel is this total hunky guy, who is definitely off-limits, at least, that’s what Buffy told me. Buffy’s the other Slayer – weirdo name, huh? – and she was showing me all these cool fighting techniques, like the stuff you see on TV and wish you could do, but can’t afford taekwando, ya know? Anyway, turns out I can really kick some major butt, which is all cool with me. She even showed me the cemeteries in Sunnydale – there’s like, tons of them. Anyway, so I met Xander, who is actually this really rockin’ cutie, and Buffy told me that he just got over a really messy breakup, so he’s totally available. Yay! Yummies for me! Anyway, gotta go, I’m gonna look around one of the graveyards and maybe stake some baddies. Laters.