Crystal and John took a friendly walk down by the river later that evening. Later that evening. As they were walking, John took Crystal’s hand. They sat down on the sandy beach. John stared deep into her eyes, and said, “I love you, Crystal. Even if the rest of the world doesn’t.”
“I love you too John.” Crystal replied, happily.
“Let’s get married!” John exclaimed. “I don’t want to wait another day. We’ll get the rest of the gang and elope. No press, no nothing!”
“Okay!” Crystal answered. That sounded very good to her. Best of all her parents were in another decade and she didn’t need to deal with them telling her what to do.
* * *
So we were in a tiny church down the road the next afternoon. (We had to get rings, licenses, etc.) Crystal fidgeted and John chewed Wrigley’s Spearmint gum all throughout the twenty minute ceremony.
The next day, during his honeymoon, John wrote “The Ballad of John and Crystal.” It was a little late, but still a good song. On their honeymoon they went to New York City.
“New – York – City?!” I asked, appalled, when George told me.
“Yes, New York City.” He declared. “It’s not that bad, just as long as you don’t swallow it – the air that is.”
* * *
It was getting late so Paul and I went to bed. We do that a lot you know. Just as we got in, the phone rang. It was my good friend Crystal, calling from her honeymoon.
“Oh, hi Crystal!” I answered. “How is your honeymoon?”
“Oh, it’s wonderful!” She replied. “We’ve been all over the city. I love Central Park. It is so beautiful. And there are so many wonderful museums.”
“Have you been to FAO Schwartz’s yet?” I asked. I loved that store. I had a bear called Truffles that I bought there years ago. It was one of my favorite stores in the city. My favorite was Tiffany’s. Paul bought me lots of expensive jewelry from there.
“No, but we will have to go before the vacation is over.”
“Where’s John?” I asked.
“In the bath.” She answered. He took a lot of bubble baths.
We chatted for awhile longer and then said goodnight. Paul and I soon fell asleep.
* * *
George and Jamie entered the dining room the next morning. Jill and Ringo looked up from their bowls of Fruit Loops. (Jill had acquired a new love for breakfast cereal.) “Good Morning, Good Morning.” They greeted in unison.
“I have an idea for a new record.” George announced.
“Oh yeah? What?” Paul asked, curious.
“I got the idea from Jamie, actually. It is called the Purple Album. Jamie is such an inspiration.” George said this as he looked at Jamie lovingly.
“Is it double album like the White Album?” Ringo asked. “By the way, I better get more than one song on this one!”
“It is a single. And you may have two songs if it’s okay with John and Paul.” George replied.
John said, “Fine with me. Is it fine with you, Paul?”
To that Paul answered, “As long as Ringo has two songs written.”
“Yes, of course I have two songs written. George helped me write one called, ‘It Don’t Come Easy.’” Ringo declared.
“I have one called ‘Silly Love Songs.’” Paul added. “I want to do a duet with Samantha on it.”
“I have a song called ‘Dear Crystal.’” John said. “And another one called ‘Mind Games.’”
“I’ve got a song called ‘Give Me Love, (Give me Peace on Earth.)’” George announced. “I wrote one for Jamie called ‘My Sweet Jamie.’”
“Why don’t we do the record right now? Yeah!” Paul yelled enthusiastically.
* * *
As they were recording they realized that we needed a few more songs. So John and Paul went into the other room to compose some together. When they came out they had written one called ‘Happy Xmas (War is Over),’ because it was Christmastime.
George added ‘Dark Horse’ and he and Ringo co-wrote ‘Photograph.’ No single was released because, like Sgt Pepper, they were all good songs.
* * *
One night in late ’72, Jill came home from Pattie and Eric Clapton’s house. They had thrown a party celebrating Pattie finally getting pregnant.
As she walked into the bedroom she shared with Ringo, she heard moans. She thought it was Ringo snoring, but when she walked in she saw the most terrible sight. Ringo was on top of Barbra Bach, a girl who stared with him in the movie Caveman.
“Ringo!” She shrieked.
“Jill!” Ringo exclaimed, surprised. He shoved Barbra on to the floor. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear it! Get out. Go sleep with her somewhere else.” Jill cried.
Ringo left reluctantly and Barbra also left to go home.
* * *
The next day at breakfast, Jill arrived with puffy eyes.
“What’s the matter with you then?” I asked when I saw her.
“It’s Ringo. I can tell he doesn’t like me, it’s because he slept with Barbra.” She replied.
“That’s terrible!” Paul exclaimed. “I wouldn’t think he would do such a thing!”
“Well, think again. He’s a villain. A king cheater. I’m thinking of getting separated.”
“What?” Ringo asked as he walked in. He was still in his pajama top.
“What you did last night was inexcusable. You really hurt me. I want to play it cool for a little while. Now, you’re free to see other people if you’d like.” Jill told him.
“But that’s the point; I don’t want to see other people. I want to be with you!”
“You should have thought of that last night!” Jill said angrily, as she stormed out of the room.
* * *
The weeks past quickly, and Jill seemed to over Ringo quite fast. One day she was out with Samantha shopping, because Brian Epstein has asked her if she would like to get some tea with him the next day. She agreed anything to get Ringo Starr out of her mind. Now she needed just the right outfit.
I thought it was weird that Jill would be going out with a slightly gay looking boy. Then I thought again, maybe Jill could make him straight over time.
* * *
The next morning we were all sitting around the kitchen table when Brian said to Jill, “Let’s go to Amsterdam for the weekend.”
“Okay, we’ll enjoy ourselves, have a laugh.” Jill said, dead innocent.
I kicked her under the table. She then proceeded to tell him again. I gave her another kick. When she got up to go for a wee I followed her. I told her to shut up, “Don’t you know he’s a queer?”
“Oh dear, sorry.” Was all Jill could say.
They ended up just going out for the cup of tea.
When Brian walked Jill to the door after their date, Jill gave him a long and passionate kiss. Brian pulled away, astounded. He reminded me of James when I asked him about his deodorant.
“But Jill,” Brian started. “I’m a homosexual. I only went out with you on a platonic basis.” He explained.
“Well, but I thought maybe you could become bi or something.” Jill pouted. She almost always got her own way.
“I’ll see what I can do.” Brian said, in an attempt to cheer her up. He left saying he would call her again sometime.
* * *
Soon after this day Jill succeeded in making Brian heterosexual. (All he needed was a good woman to turn him around.) Less than a month later they were at Brian’s pad having mad, hot sex. Brian kissed Jill’s toes. No other man has been so gentle with her, not even Ringo!
Sensing Brian’s inexperience with sex, Jill was also gentle with him. (Brian was very good at doing it with men though!)
“I want to see what makes you tick.” Jill told him.
“Anything you do to me makes me tick.” Brian answered.
* * *
Later that week Ringo shacked up with a pretty girl named Maureen Cox. While he was moving his stuff into her place, he heard strange noises coming from outside, and went to take a peak. He saw a group of slightly gay looking boys who were shouting, “Ringo, Ringo!”
“Now if they want a night of passion why don’t they do it in the road with our good friend Brian Epstein?” Ringo said quietly to himself. “Oh, I forgot, he slept with Jill, and now he’s strait.” Ringo often talked to himself. “Dear me, funny crowd.” He muttered, taking one more glance towards the window before he returned to bed with Maureen.
* * *
In a matter of months Ringo grew very depressed being away from Jill. Jill began to notice and want him back as well. She was beginning to get dissatisfied with Brian.
The last straw however was one day when they were shopping. As they were leaving JCPenney’s, Brian paused a little too long to stare at Mick Jagger’s buttocks. “What was that look for?” Jill asked.
The couple broke up a few days later.
* * *
Ringo was sitting in one of the Lazy Boys in the living room when Jill walked in. She noticed he had his finger up his rather large ‘neb.’ “Ringo!” She cried, “What are you doing?”
“You’ll find out.” Said Ringo.
“Oh, well, Ringo, I’ve been thinking.” Jill started.
“That’s wonderful.” Ringo cried.
“What is?” Jill asked, confused.
“You were thinking! What a foreign concept!”
“Oh, shut up. What I was think was why don’t we get back together. If Barbara didn’t really mean anything to you, I’ll forgive you. Just promise it won’t ever happen again.”
“I promise! I love you Jill.” Ringo said and hugged her. It was a very emotional scene.
Read Chapter Eleven. Check out The Pooh Page The page where I got my email pic.
© 1997 
