Later in the day, Paul was in a press conference, discussing the Purple Album. One of the interviewers asked him if there were too many songs on the album. Paul thought a minute and then replied, “I’m not one to think maybe there was too many of them but, it was great, it sold, it was the bloody Beatles’ Purple Album, shut up!”
He answered a few more questions and then said he had to leave.
* * *
One day Paul and I came into the kitchen. “My gosh!” Exclaimed Paul.
Jill and Ringo were once again having sex on the kitchen table.
“Jill! Ringo! Do you two ever stop?” I asked, perturbed.
“No.” Jill said.
Paul and I left in hurry, but we were glad to see that Jill and Ringo had picked up right where they had left off.
* * *
A month or so later Jill was in the bathroom puking. Ringo came in to the living room where Jamie and I were sitting watching the telly.
“Jamie! Samantha! Come quick!” He shouted and then ran towards the bathroom. We followed him in hot pursuit.
When we got there he pointed to Jill who was worshiping the porcelain thrown. “I think she’s pregnant!” He observed. “We’ve had babies before. I can tell. I saw the signs.”
Jill flushed the toilet. We looked at her slightly green face and determined that yes, she was probably pregnant.
We left the room as Ringo tried to help Jill clean herself up.
“Oh Ringo,” Jill said happily, “I always wanted another baby and now we’re having one. It’s a blessing.”
“Yes,” Ringo quickly agreed as he tried to mop the floor.
* * *
A few weeks later Jill went to the doctors. “It’s a boy!” They told her. “He looks to be perfectly healthy.”
“When is he due, doc?” Ringo asked.
“August first.” The doctor told him.
Jamie was with them. “I bet you it will be born on Ringo’s birthday.” She said.
“But that’s almost a month premature!” Jill exclaimed.
“Well, I still think it will be born on July seventh.” Jamie insisted.
* * *
Brian Epstein came to visit Friar/High Park later that same day. Mick Jagger was with him.
“What we were thinking of was how ‘bout we do a number with you boys?” They suggested to the Beatles over supper.
“What do you mean?” Paul asked, confused.
“I mean how about we sing a song we wrote and have you produce it?” Mick tried to explain their idea.
“Is this all right with you George?” George asked George Martin who was just entering the room.
“Is what all right with George, George?” George Martin asked George Harrison.
We explained what Mick and Brian wanted to do.
“What song did you have in mind?” Ringo asked.
“I wrote a song for Mick. It’s called Queer Love.” Brian stated as he stared lovingly at Mick. “We’re gay lovers.” Brian explained.
“How does it go?” John asked.
Mick and Brian sang in unison, “It’s queer love, yes it’s queer…” to the tune of Real Love.
“I like it, I like it.” John laughed.
“So, it’s a deal then? You’ll produce our single?” Brian asked eagerly.
“Yes! I think it’s great.” Even the conservative George Martin liked it. “It’s a laugh a line with Epstein.” He joked.
* * *
Six months later Jill was in the delivery room. The labor was long, so Ringo stayed in the waiting room with us most of the time. He entertained the sick children.
“Hello there kiddies. Brian is gonna sing a song for you today called Queer Love.” Ringo said.
Brian groaned. “Why don’t you sing it?” He snapped. Brian hated performing in front of large groups of people, unless he was acting.
“Don’t get smart with me Brian.” Ringo scolded. “I’m not queer; I think I’m proving that today.” Ringo smiled proudly. He went off to check on Jill. Brian meekly started singing. The children laughed when they heard the lyrics about being “queer.” Brian turned bright red.
* * *
Jill had her baby at 12:05 AM the next day, which was indeed July seventh.
We all went into her room to see her. “We brought you the flowers, Ring.” John told him. Ringo was sitting on the bed with Jill and the baby.
“We brought you the flowers.” He repeated. “And the grapes.”
“I don’t like grapes.” Ringo burst out.
“He likes grapes.” Jill assured John. Ringo reluctantly took the flowers and grapes.
George spoke up, which was unusual. We all gave him our attention. “What did you name him?” He asked, nodding to the small baby in Jill’s arms.
“Zak.” Jill told him.
“Can I hold him?” I asked.
“Possibly.” Ringo said.
“Oh come on, say yes.” I commanded.
“Yes.” Ringo did as I told him.
I took the baby into my arms. I looked down at its feet and hands. I screamed.
“What, what is it?” Jamie asked.
“It’s deformed!” I shrieked. “It’s got six fingers and four toes!”
“She’s always having demented babies!” John commented. The comment was not appreciated. Ringo gave him a dirty look and Jill looked like she was going to cry. “I am not!” She whimpered.
“What are we going to do?” Ringo asked.
“Well, you could cut off the left over fingers and stick them on his feet.” John suggested. (Zak had six fingers on each hand and four toes on each foot.)
“No!” Jill yelled. She didn’t like this idea.
“Aw, why don’t you chop it off Jill.” Ringo said.
Just then the doctor came in.
“They expect me to cut its fingers off!” Jill told him, shocked.
“You ought to chuck some in.” The doc said.
* * *
Several weeks later (after Zak had reconstructive surgery for his deformities) he came home. Jill placed him on me and Paul’s new couch while she went to the bathroom down the hall. Zak also had to pee. So bad that it leaked out of his pampers onto our new couch.
No one seemed to notice until a little while later, when Paul and I were snuggling on it.
“Oh!” I cried as my hand touched something damp.
“What is it?” Paul asked. Then he looked down and noticed the wet area. He sniffed. “Pee!” He exclaimed. “Somebody peed on our new sofa!” He yelled.
“It was ‘im.” Said Jill as she walked in holding Zak. Paul glared at the baby and we moved to the love seat.
* * *
Later that night when Paul and I were getting ready for bed I asked him what he did with the couch. “George took it.” He answered. “But Jamie made him get rid of it.”
“Sensing he was upset over the loss of our sofa, I reassured him. “Tomorrow we can go shopping a buy a better, even more comfortable couch.” I said.
“Okay!” Paul exclaimed happily. We went to bed.
* * *
The next day Paul and I came home with our new purchase. We were very proud of the blue couch we had found at an antique store.
As we were placing it in the living room, Ringo walked in holding Zak.
“Ooo, look at that pretty sofa, Zak!” Ringo said. Zack eyed our new couch.
Noticing his glance Paul pointed to a ratty bean bag chair we had drug out for him. “From now on that is where you’ll sit.” Paul announced.
“Well Zak, it looks like we have a new chair.” Ringo told him as he set him down in it.
Go on to Chapter Twelve. Check out The Pooh Page The page where I got my email pic.
© 1997 
