The next morning everyone slept in, and then the Beatles went into the studio (without John of course.)
After our husbands left for work, there was a rap at the door. Jamie went to answer it. Jill, Crystal, and I were in the other room at the time when we heard a scream.
We ran to see what the matter was. When we got there we all screamed…. “as well.”
Five girls stood at the door screaming. The fifth girl, of course, was Shawna. I broke the screams, by shouting “Shawna! What on earth are you doing here? I thought you left with James!”
Shawna sniffed. “After Seth finally convinced James to take him up on his offer to get a hotel room with him, he and I were history.” Tears ran down Shawna’s plump cheeks.
“There, there Shawna. It will be all right.” Jamie said, giving her a hug.
Jill burst out laughing. “James and Seth?! I can’t believe it!” She chuckled.
I nodded in agreement. “I can’t believe James would do such a thing – he always insisted he was straight! Maybe Shawna turned… Nevermind.” I was going to say, ‘Maybe Shawna turned him gay,’ but I didn’t figure that would be very nice.
Crystal spoke up. “You’re welcome to stay with us, if you like. We have plenty of room here at High Park.
Jamie giggled. “I hope you don’t mind that Kyle stops in once in a while.”
Shawna hated Kyle. She rolled her eyes. “Great!” She said sarcastically. “What is he doing here?”
“Well, he and Yoko came to kidnap me, but Kyle was more interested in Brian than in the conspiracy, so Yoko was caught and put in jail. Now Brian and Kyle are gay lovers!” We were all rolling on the floor laughing. Shawna’s tears had turned to tears of laughter. “It’s so gross!” Jamie added.
After filling Shawna in on the news (mainly the incident between John and I) we showed her to her room and got her settled in.
That night the boys came home for supper. They were all surprised to see Shawna, but none as surprised as John would be when he found out.
After eating supper, we decided to pay him a visit, and bring Shawna along. When we arrived in his hospital room, Paul declared, “We have a surprise for you John, close your eyes!”
While John’s eyes were shut we pushed Shawna up in plain sight. “You can open your eyes now, John,” Shawna instructed.
John’s eyes flew open at the sound of Shawna’s voice.” “What the ---?” He cried.
“James dumped her for another man.” Crystal said plainly. “I told her she could stay with us. Aren’t you glad she’s back?”
“Oh yes, thrilled.” John said with a hint of annoyance. “I think I’ve had enough excitement for now, do you mind if I talk to Crystal alone?”
We left for the waiting room while Crystal stayed and tried to convince John that, yes, Shawna really was staying with us. At the waiting room, Shawna went straight for the snack machine. Some things never change.
When visiting hour was almost over, we all went and got Crystal so we could go home. We said goodbye to John and left.
“Oh my God!” I screamed. “It’s a burglar! Paul get out your gun!” Paul sat frozen with fear. I continued to scream. Suddenly the clanging stopped. “Aw shut up and go back to bed.” I heard Jill shout from downstairs. I chuckled to myself and nudged Paul. “Relax it’s just Jill and Ringo, in the kitchen again.” Five minutes later the clanking resumed. I buried my head under my pillow and shortly fell back to sleep.
Later on that evening Jamie awoke with a start. She heard groaning and grunting noises down the hall. “George!” She exclaimed. “It’s a bear!”
“What?! What?” George awoke disgruntled. “A bear?”
“Yes, yes – down the hall!” She answered, scared.
“I’ll go check.” George said, bravely. He was obviously more of a man than Paul was.
Jamie lay in bed affright grasping the covers in fear as George made his way down the hall.
He walked down the hallway and paused at the bathroom door. He heard a noise coming from inside. Slowly he opened the door. He came around the corner and then jumped at the disgusting sight in the tub.
Jill and Ringo looked at him from their lovemaking. “Can’t a couple have some privacy?” Ringo asked, perturbed.
“Well, excuse me for the interruption. I’ll have you know, Jamie thought you were a bear. If you’ll pardon me, I’d like to go back to bed and sleep in peace!” He stormed out.
When George returned to Jamie she grunted in question. “Well, was it a bear?”
“Might as well been – it was Ringo and Jill having sex in the bath tub.”
“Oh,” Jamie answered, “How nice.”
“Sleep well?” Jill asked perkily.
“No!” I groaned.
“What do you think?” Paul snapped.
“Why not?” Jill asked, completely shocked. I gave her a smart smirk. “Think about it.” George grunted, obviously still disgusted.
Ringo giggled. “Do you want us to do it again George?”
George threw him a look and walked out.
After watching the Monkees, Crystal turned to John, “That Micky Jones is so funny!”
John laughed, “Its Micky Dolenz!”
“Oh.”
“I was thinking of buying a place in New York, just to get away from this place once in awhile. I’m getting a little sick of the ‘High/Friar.’”
Crystal agreed. She had always wanted to live in the city.
“I heard the Dakota has an apartment free,” John mentioned.
“That sounds great. I’ll look into it in the morning.”
The Monkees ended with Davy Jones doing a little dance and waving his maracas in the air. “He’s cute!” Crystal decided. “That’s Davy Jones.” John informed her. “He’s very short.”
With that John rolled over and the two made love long into the night.
The next morning John and Crystal got up to join the rest of the crew for breakfast. Samantha, noticing Crystal’s grin and healthy glow began to giggle. Paul instantly picked up on this too. “Somebody got a little…um…how should we say? Lucky…last night!” John blushed. But Jill obviously thinking this to be more of the regular ‘Jill and Ringo sex talk’ said, “I get lucky every night!”
“Yes, we know!” Everyone groaned at once.
“What? It’s not as if we were that loud last night!”
“No, of course not! The pictures on the walls didn’t fall off at least! Glad you gave someone else a chance to have sex in peace!” Paul retorted.
“Well, I’m sorry but sometimes Ringo caresses me with his nose…” She closed her eyes and sighed.
George giggled and resumed eating his scone that Jamie had made.
Ringo blushed bright red. Paul had to grunt to keep from laughing outright. Everyone else bit their lips. Ringo’s embarrassment grew as Jill continued.
“But when he puts on the pink feather boa and dances naked to the tune of Wild Thing I get a little crazy and loud.”
“Shh!” Ringo turned even brighter. John looked up, looked at Ringo, looked at Paul who looked at Ringo and then back at John and the two burst into simultaneous laughter at the sight of raw stark, big nosed Ringo clad in a pink feather boa, shaking his groove thing to the tune of Wild Thing. George continued to giggle and butter another scone. Scones were his favorite type of food.
After the laughter subsided, John cleared his throat. “A-hem.”
At this time Shawna rolled out of bed. As her feet hit the floor we thought we were having an earthquake. Then we heard a series of loud plunks down the stairs and then a ‘kaboom’ as Shawna reached the bottom. She headed straight to the kitchen to root in the fridge for the left over pizza. Finally she plopped down at her space at the dining room table and fed her face. I glared at her in disgust.
Again John started, “I have an announcement to make.” He looked at Crystal and smiled.
“We’re buying a second home in NYC.”
“Actually, we’re renting an apartment in the Dakota.” Crystal corrected. “We decided we would both like to live in the city and have more privacy. But we’ll come back lots to visit.”
Jamie, Shawna, and my mouths immediately dropped. We tried to regain our composure and to look happy for them.
“How exciting!” Jill exclaimed, forgetting the circumstances of John’s death. We looked at her with annoyance.
Everyone was supportive of them; we just wished they hadn’t chosen NYC.
Later, after breakfast, we all gathered together for a conference. (All except John and Crystal, George, and Ringo, who didn’t know about John’s pending death. The only Beatle that knew was Paul.)
“What are we going to do?” I whined, looking at Paul.
“Well, we can’t tell John and worry him. We’ll just have to worry about it when it gets to be – what was the date again?”
“December eighth, 1980.” Shawna answered.
“But that’s only six months from now!”
“Well, I’ll hunt down Mark David Chapman in another four months or so.” Jamie declared.
For the rest of the meeting, she described her plan…
“This is what we know:
Fact: Mark David Chapman shot John December 8, 1980 outside his home, the Dakota.
Fact: Chapman was suicidal and thought he was John Lennon. So killing John was the only way he could effectively kill himself.
Fact: Chapman lived in Hawaii. Therefore, finding him should be easy. I’ll do that in three months just to be safe.
But we also know this: John is not with Yoko now. SO we have already completely altered history. Now that may mean we have already accomplished what we came here to do, and it may not. If this is really John’s fate, I have my work cut out for me.
Now George doesn’t know, so I’ll have to make an excuse on why I’ll be gone ‘on assignment’ for three months.
But I will spend my time both trailing Chapman and Ono, just to see what’s up, and as the time nears, I will spend my time guarding John. We must try to make sure he is with us nearly all the time then, so he has more protection. But if Chapman is really that unstable, he will stop at nothing until he kills John. I need to let him get close enough to John to get proof that he is stalking him and is a threat to his life, but not close enough that he can accomplish his goal… At least that’s the plan as it stands now. I’ll have to learn more, but...” She paused, and her eyes flashed fire with steely purpose, “….I’ll kill Chapman if I have to.” And we all knew she meant it.
The meeting adjourned with the gang feeling slightly better about things, so we decided to get the others and go to the mall. As we passed a hair salon I looked at Paul’s hair suggestively. It was 1980 and he had been sporting the ‘mullet’ hairstyle for quite some time. I had put up with it long enough. “Huh,” I sighed an exaggerated sigh.
“What?” Paul asked.
I raised my eyebrows towards the Fantastic Sam’s sign.
“Do you want to get a trim?”
“Well, no, but I thought maybe you would.”
Jamie and Jill giggled. “Yeah Paul, as much as the mullet is in style these days, take it from us. It’s queer.”
“Yeah, you look like Eddie Geurrero!” I laughed.
“Who’s that?” Paul asked, confused.
“Just a pansy wrestler.” I answered.
“Oh,” Paul replied, “So you really think I should chop it off then?”
“Yes honey, you’d look much better with it all one length. This long in the back short on the top is a little gay.”
Paul looked insulted. Looking in the mirror, he fluffed at his hair.
“I suppose it is time for it to go.”
We entered the salon and were immediately waited on. Paul emerged looking sexier than ever. I hugged and kissed him.
“You look so handsome.” I cooed.
After that we giggled over the gag gifts at Spencers. Jill and Ringo bought a bunch of their sex merchandise. They couldn’t wait to try out the cherry flavored whip cream on each other.
Paul bought me the Yellow Submarine lava lamp I had wanted.
“Sorry Shawna, but it was time for a change. You really should think about a change in your hairstyle as well,” Paul told her, eyeing her frizzy locks.
We all agreed. Shawna pouted. She may live with us again, but she wasn’t going to hang out with us anymore, especially not in public. We had an image to sell after all.
Shawna went off in one of her usual huffs. Brian had been shocked to see how large she had grown since her last visit, and put her back on a strict diet and exercise regime. Shawna was in the other room doing sit-ups when all of the sudden we heard a lout fart coming from her direction. We all giggled.
I peaked my head in the room, holding my nose, “Shawna! Did you just fart?!” I asked, wide-eyed.
“Shut up Samantha! No one would have known if you hadn’t said anything!” She scolded me.
I laughed some more as Shawna continued to strain to do a couple more half-assed sit-ups.
About three months later Jamie was packing for her mission. She told George and the others she was visiting an old friend. She neglected to tell him that her old friend Denise was a private investigator and would be helping her in her quest to find Mark David Chapman and Yoko Ono and prove they were planning John Lennon’s demise. Jamie had met Denise back when Jill suspected Ringo was cheating on her with Maureen Cox. Jamie, always wanting to be a private investigator herself, looked up to Denise for following her dream. When she started planning her ‘Operation Save John,’ she remembered Denise and found a business card she had once given her. She soon called her up and hired her to be her ‘partner’ in crime. She was to meet her at the Honolulu airport.
Jamie made sure to pack lots of tank tops and cool outfits. Even though it was September, it was still quite warm in Hawaii. She also packed her detective paraphernalia. She had her magnifying goggles, hidden cameras and of course a gun for protection.
At last it was time for her to leave. Her flight was at 9 AM and she left the house at 7. Even Jill and Shawna got up early to see her off. George and Pattie gave her a hug and a kiss and the rest of us gave her a hug. “Good luck,” I whispered so George and John wouldn’t hear. “Oink, oink,” We oinked to each other. Shawna thought we were picking on her and got offended. But, it was just our signal of ‘love’ we had for each other. Jamie drove away in her silver BMW and gave us one last wave. Her vacation was for two weeks. Hopefully she could get most of her investigating finished in that time. She hoped to set up surveillance cameras surrounding Chapman’s home and place bugs in his phone as well.
The plane ride went smoothly, but long. Jamie used her time on the plane to sleep and go over her notes. She has some airplane food and picked up a newspaper to read at one of her layovers. Her first layover was in New York City, but she saw no signs of Ono. She called us when she got there, which was a different time zone. It was an odd hour, but we were just glad to hear she had arrived safely.
Read Chapter Sixteen . (Doesn't exist yet!)
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