"That's what I want!" We were singing 'Money' when we walked into the house.
"Oh my God!" Jill exclaimed. "We've been robbed! I think it was Butch Cassidy!"
"Shhh!" I exclaimed. "You'll wake up Paul George!”
"They stole my Beatle records!" Jamie said disappointedly. "And I only got to listen to Magical Mystery Tour once." She pouted.
"We'll get you a new one right away." George said, comforting Jamie. "After all, we're rich-rich-rich!"
“I don't care too much for money, ‘cause money can't buy me Samantha!" Paul sang.
* * *
The next day the police found Sundance Kid and Butch Cassidy, and returned our belongings. John took a liking to Sundance, so we decided not to press any charges.
We told the two robbers that they could take us out to lunch and then we'd be even. We had a very interesting conversation. But, Shawna didn't notice, she was too busy eating her many sandwiches. She barely noticed Jamie scream. George did, however. “What's wrong?" He asked.
"I am going into labor!" Jamie exclaimed. Jamie always used proper English.
Three hours later Jamie had a baby girl. She named it Patricia Anne. Patti for short.
"I still think you should have named it after me!" Shawna protested.
"Not for all the tea in China." George said.
"He's right, neither would I," said Paul.
* * *
"I had a really cool dream last night!" I said excitedly the next day in the studio.
"Oh, and what was this cool dream of yours?" Paul asked.
"I dreamed that we all lived together on a little island together in a huge castle."
"Hey, I know a place just like that." Said John.
"It's off of the Bahamas," George continued, "We can get it dirt cheap."
"All right!" Ringo screamed a little too loud, "Let's do it!"
* * *
The next day Paul made our immediate arrangements for our immediate departure. I was feeling sad that day, so Paul wrote a song for me. It was called 'Hey Sam.'
He sang me part of it, "Hey Sam, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better."
A week after we released it, it went number one. In America it stayed in the number one position for nine weeks strait. We put the money which we earned from the record towards our island. John insisted that we give part of I towards world hunger, so we did. Just then we heard a loud noise. It was Jill. "Ringo!" She screamed. "I just had a contraction!" So, for like the tenth time in the past two months, we were having another baby.
When we arrived at the hospital a doctor was puzzled, "Which one of you is pregnant?" She asked looking from Shawna to Jill.
"The elephant on the right is bigger, but Mrs. Starr is the pregnant one." John told her.
Jill was imediatly rushed to the delivery room when her water broke.
(Ringo) * * *
The delivery was very long and painful for Jill.
Ringo reached to wipe the sweat from her brow. "Don't touch me!" she snapped, pulling on his face. "Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch." Ringo moaned, when she let go.
The contraction stopped. "Hold me." Said Jill. Ringo did. Paul held me and I didn't even have to ask.
Then, to top the rest of us, George kissed Jamie. The were holding Patti in a chair by the door.
Ringo darned his socks in the night.
Finally Jill had her child.
"Oh my!" exclaimed the doctor, "This is the first set of Siamese twins ever in this hospital."
"Will they live?" Ringo asked sadly.
"I don't know. We have to take them to the other room and operate." Doctor Robert explained.
* * *
The next day we received the newspaper. The headline was "Beatle Ringo's wife has Siamese Twins!"
Angrily Ringo protested "Why don't they leave us the fuck alone?!"
"Temper, temper." said Paul.
"Well!" Yelled Ringo. The doctor walked in. "Any news doc?" asked George.
"I'm afraid we have some bad news." Said the doctor. "There is nothing to do to save their lives, call the wife in." Ringo told Jill. She was very upset.
"They only have a few hours left, so you may be with them now. They were connected at the heart. There is nothing we can do. We're so sorry." The doctor explained.
"Paul," Ringo instructed, "Go to Apple and get a tape recorder."
* * *
Paul did as he was told, and one hour later he returned. Ringo and Jill recorded the babies last feeble heart beats. They went on the Beatles next album, "Let it be".
That night Ringo cried himself to sleep on the floor next to Jill's bed.
The next morning when we all woke up, a man wearing a dark jacket walked in. "You have to have a name for the babies’ death certificate." He informed us. Jill and Ringo named the babies Jill Taratuta Starkey II and Richard Starkey II.
* * *
As soon as Jill was ready to travel, the large group left for the Bahamas. John, Paul, George, Ringo, Shawna, me, Jamie, Jill, Paul George and Patti took a jet to the small island. "I'm leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again.." Paul sang in his so-cute voice. It was a big song of the day, by: Peter, Paul, and Mary.
"Puf the magic dragon lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Hana Lee!" Jill sang. She accidentally hit Ringo in the nose.
"Oh sorry Ringo," she said.
* * *
When we landed there was mass confusion. Reporters shoved microphones in Ringo's face.
"How do you feel?" they asked.
"I feel fine." Ringo answered.
"He feels fine." Said the reporter.
"I'm in love with him and he feels fine." Sang Jill.
"My baby says she's mine ya know she tells me all the time ya know she said so, I'm in love with her and I feel fine." Ringo concluded.
* * *
"It's beautiful!" Jamie exclaimed when we reached Friar Park.
"Where's the bedroom?" I asked looking suggestively at Paul.
"Where's the kitchen?" Asked Shawna. Paul pointed the way.
"Where's the bathroom?" Asked John. "Flying gives me severe diarrhea!"
"Over there!" George answered, "By all means, don't hold it in, go!"
The castle had four stories and over fifty rooms. We all slept on the same floor, except Shawna, she slept downstairs, next to the kitchen. The babies slept in the nursery down the hall.
I didn't sleep well that night because Paul insisted on having Ringo & Martha, his sheep dogs sleep on the bed.
* * *
The next day Paul and I were walking around the farm. A photographer sneaked in and took a picture of us "with the sheep." Everyone except Shawna became vegetarians that day.
The two infants in the house had organic Gerber for breakfast, lunch and diner.
Ringo was a vegetarian but often sneaked in Heinz pork and beans when we weren't looking. (There's a plug for ya.)
* * *
“Shawna!" I yelled when I got home from the store. "I've got a surprise for you!"
"What, what is it?" She asked, excitedly.
I handed her the surprise.
"Chocolate?" She asked. "Why would I want a Snickers bar? I hate chocolate!"
"This is not chocolate." I said. "It's just Tofu that tastes like it."
"Oh, yuck!" She cried. "I don't eat fake junk food." Shawna said reaching for her bag of Cheetos.
"Unhand that bag!" John instructed.
"What?" Shawna asked.
"You heard me, unhand that bag."
"Make me." Shawna dared.
"From now on you're on a liquid diet." John informed her. Chips are a definite no-no."
"Aw, come on." Shawna pleaded mercifully.
"Quit your whining.”
* * *
A day later there was a severe crisis. A boy named "James" appeared at Junior's Farm/Friar Park demanding to see Jamie. When he pointed his finger in George's face and said, "If I don't see her, I'll sick my snake on you," Jamie came out and said, "It's all right, it's all right."
"What is the meaning of this?" Jamie asked him, behind James was Crystal.
"Congratulate me girls, I'm engaged!" He said happily. “But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to see Samantha. She is here, right?”
"Yes, she's in her room, second floor, third door to the right."
* * *
When he got there he heard groaning sounds. He thought it was the sheep, so he knocked. There was no answer. He walked in.
"Jesus Christ!" Paul yelled pulling on his pants. I pulled the covers up to my neck. "What the fuck is going on here?"
James jumped half way to the ceiling. I giggled. "Paul! Keep your pants on! We have company!"
"That is not funny, Samantha McCartney, I wish for once, you'd act your age."
"Hey, you leave my wife alone, or I'll cripple ya." Paul warned.
"I'm here to teach Samantha a lesson." James said, "I swore I would harass her when she found someone she loved, like she did to me."
There will be no harassing Samantha about anything, ever," Paul glared at James. "Now get out, we're trying to have sex!" He slammed the door in James' face. James jumped out in the hallway.
* * *
Meanwhile, Crystal met John, and it was love at first sight. James started to cry when she broke the news. "Very well," he said, "I'll go home."
"Home?" Shawna asked excitedly, "Can I come too?"
"Yes," James sniffed.
“Great!” Everyone else exclaimed.
“What’s great?” Paul and I asked, coming down the stairs.
“Shawna’s leaving home.” Crystal told him.
“Crystal!” I shrieked as I ran to hug her.
“Hi dork.” Crystal greeted me in her usual manner.
“No one calls my wife a dork!” Paul exclaimed.
“It’s okay.” I reassured him. “She calls everyone she likes a dork. This is one of my best friends, Crystal.” I introduced them. “Crystal McLean, Paul McCartney.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Crystal said.
Read Chapter Eight.
Check out The Pooh Page The page where I got my email pic.
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