thoughts on life
Prettiness:
Just because you're pretty doesn't make you Superman. Oh no...in fact, far from it! Being pretty won't get you a degree in psychology. Being pretty won't make you a better person...not like Superman is anyway. Being pretty will only get you, at most; some gum, a cheap thrill, good sex, money, friends, happiness, GREAT sex, your own way, and sex. So what?! Who needs all those things? I sure as fuck do. God...I wish I was pretty...but no, I'm just stuck here hoping one day Superman's going to swoop down and take me to meet Lex Luther. I doubt that will happen though...
Trident and It's Dentists:
Only 4 outta 5, huh? I think it's time for someone's ass to get fired.
M&Ms:
OHHHHHHHHH MAN! They kick ass. But you know what I don't get? The blue m&m. Seriously...I just don't get it. In fact, I don't get why they even bother to colour ANY of those things. Cause in the end...it's chocolate. Tastes like chocolate. Looks like chocolate. Smells like chocolate. I think a major reason for those things is that IT IS CHOCOLATE! But hey, who am I to complain?! I mean, M&Ms rock! I love it! I just don't understand why they have to colour each and every single one. Oh...I think I know why...government conspiracy! Ya see...oh...this is good...the government makes the good people that work at M&Ms or whatever the fucking company's called, and they MAKE them colour it...so it don't look so plain...oh...it's all coming together now. I'm gonna start writing a book about that now. Check for it at your local grocery store!
Dogs:
[rotflmao] They sniff each other's butts...
Cats:
I have no comment. They don't. It's only funny when they sniff each other's butts. :|
The Colour Pink:
The queerest colour in the world. Oh no...wait...
The Colour Fusha:
Correction: this is the queerest colour in the world!
I have nothing more to say, except where's my ritalin?!
"Ammunition Aisle Three, Next to The Greeting Cards"
Well...the time is coming folks! Better stock up on your generators, condoms,
lubricants, guns, ammunition, penthouses, and of course your gum. Why?? My
goodness...if you don't know, then you must've been living in a cave somewhere in
the middle of the Himalyas. Jesus Christ people...it's the Y2K bug!!!
You must be thinking...oh no...another stupid Y2K parody. But this one isn't a
parody! This is the real fucking shit, man (and I use that term loosely...especially for
all you women out there). The Y2K bug is coming right at us while we're sitting on
our asses, twiddling our thumbs going, "Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...dum-dee dum..." or
watching Pat Sajak trying to sexually undress Vanna every time he says "Would
you like to spin or solve?". I think in their own little game-show lingo...it means "I
wanna bang you right now Vanna...right on this 'wheel of fortunes'". But I
digress...I'm getting totally off-topic here! Back to the bug...
3 things we gots to remember here:
1. No electricity.
2. Total chaos.
3. Massive reproduction.
These 3 things leads to each other. How? I'll show you. And remember, I am being DEAD SERIOUS about this. If you don't take me likely...you may get injured, or injure someone else!
No Electricity:
No electricity means no television, as much as it pains me to say that. But it's the
given truth...and there ain't much we can do about it. Sure, we can buy one of those
Hitachi electric generators and watch CTS (Christian Television Station er
something like that...) for approximately 3 hours, give or take a few. But, sooner or
later, the generator's gonna run out of juice...so t.v's outta the picture.
No electricity also means that computers will be just a big giant paper-weight. So
geeks like me, and maybe you, will have to sit at home sulking and hugging this
beloved machine. Maybe you can also hook it up the that Hitachi...but I doubt
porn-surfing will be out of the question.
Vibrators, dildos, anything sex oriented that runs on batteries...gone!
Ya know what? To save time...I'm just gonna make this statement: No electricity =
No fun!
Total Chaos:
So what will people do? Run amok! Theft will probably be at an all time high. Drug
habits will increase, because there is no television (what the fuck...people gotta do
something to be entertained). Geeks, nerds, computer programmers and Bill Gates
will search for a last attempt for batteries, just to run their Game Boy's, killing
anything in their paths. Gangs and religious groups will clash constantly. Religious
groups will also preach about the Apocolypse (sightings of the Four Horsemen will
be at all time high also) and mass suicides will be held at most major cities.
Ammunition and guns are gonna sell out fast because those crazed sons of bitches
that preach about the end of the world on your local street corner have bought them
all and are shooting everyone in the name of Jim Bean. Things are gonna surely
suck...
Finally...
Massive Reproduction:
Sex! Sex! SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all people are going to have when they're not looting
their neighbours. I mean, think about it: Lights are off...kids or out screwing each
other anyway...and the batteries for the vibrator is dead. So whatcha gonna
do?????? Huh? Of course. Sexual intercourse.
Losers are gonna get some. Cool people are gonna get more. Prostitution will
become legal. Sex will be the only pastime that everyone can enjoy. Of
course...having lots of sex could mean having lots of babies. Little cutey teeny tiny
little babies...which have to be killed or used as slaves cause the world's surely
going to be over-populated.
These are my predictions for the year 2000...if you don't like 'em, then cram it with walnuts chucky.
1. Religions will rule the world. If you're not part of any religion, you will be set on
fire. (I guess I'm gonna be first to go)
2. Religious leaders will battle each other for supremacy while Athiests (the
"fugitives") make this battle a spectator sport and profit millions.
3. Apes, monkeys, and chimpanzees will have a say.
4. The Y2K problem will be solved...for the price of 17 billion dollars. I mean, why
the fuck do you think we call them geniuses?
5. Love will be everywhere! Except in Afghanistan, South Korea, Nepal, Sri Lanka,
and 13 U.S states.
6. Instead of thinking, we will have little helpers that think for us. (See #3)
7. Scientists will find the iceberg that hit Titanic...Religious groups will set THAT on
fire.
8. Sex rate will be at all time high!
9. I create new Viagra pill. (See #8)
10. Leonardo DiCaprio fans and Titanic fanatics will find a way of bringing back the
melted iceberg that hit Titanic, with the help of the new Viagra pill.
